What would you do?

**ttee** · 10-02-16, 05:00 AM

Been seeing this girl for a little over a month. Been talking everyday since. We go out to dinner,stay the night at each others houses, etc. Both are 21. Called me her baby, her guy twin, and talked about a future with me. Anyways, Friday I stayed the night at her house and met her roommate (which she was nervous for). It went great and she said she loved that he liked me.

She worked the next morning, and throughout the day was short with me saying she was tired/grumpy because of no sleep. I then (to my deepest regret) sort of snapped on her, saying "its fine youre grumpy, but if you are going to keep being short with me, i just wont respond to you anymore." she then replied by saying "i do not do threats, nice talking to you."

So Saturday night and Sunday morning, I texted her 5 times, the last two texts basically saying "if you want to move on, let me know, im sorry" and i also called her 4-5 times between those two days. She never answered. Clearly ignoring me.

This morning, I came to the conclusion that she blocked my number (since she never answered and her texts didnt say "read") so I messaged her on twitter saying "I think u blocked my number, just know again I am sorry, and if you want to move on, let me know, I just need to get my clothes back)

She then texted me later saying this: "Im in class all day. And no I didn't block your number, I just wasn't ready to reply. But either way, I can get you, I'll get you your clothes back."

I replied back saying: "okay cool. did u want to talk about all of this or would you rather we just go different ways."

She read it at 5pm yesterday, and still has not responded up to this point.

So basically, I believe I messed up big time. I really like and care for this girl, and she warned me in the past to not treat her bad because of past relationships that she was mistreated in.

I have apologized and I do not know if I should move on or not. The thing I realized is, I asked her about 4 messages in a row if she wants to move on. She never said she did, but she also said she didn't.

**pcmaster** · 10-02-16, 05:19 AM

Start being nice to her and give her time. You are being insecure and needy. Tell her how you feel about her and leave it like that for 24-48 hours.

**ttee** · 10-02-16, 05:57 AM

yeah and after 24-48 hours, what if i hear nothing from her?

**Cases&Coffee** · 10-02-16, 06:09 AM

[MENTION=82664]ttee[/MENTION] well at least you tried, instead of basking on the "what if" forever
a little effort wont cause you your death.

**pcmaster** · 10-02-16, 06:26 AM

Then message her again. But when nonstop texting to her you give your power away. And you push her away that way too. You want to be grounded and not to run after a girl. Normally guys message girls as much as girls message them. Too long texts and you are the needy one. You want to match her length of texts.
If you confess how you feel about her you leave the ball in her court and if she likes you she will respond. To be honest you dont even have to write two texts in a row after that. If she never responds then that says everything you need to know.

**TheEvilJester** · 10-02-16, 07:26 AM

I don't know... maybe this is just me, but I have to honest to God say I'm leaning towards thinking maybe you actually just let her go. I mean, don't get me wrong, you definitely should NOT have said that to her. I mean, unless she was being deliberately rude and snippy with you in text. When you say she was "being short" I assume you just mean she was giving very brief answers. If she actually WAS being rude and snippy with you, then I think you had every right to be upset.

If it was just that she was giving really short answers, then you should have just given her the benefit of the doubt. We all get a little grumpy sometimes. As long as we don't go overboard in some way (getting overly angry, or it happening way too often, etc.) then it should just be chalked up to life.

......

However, unless there is more you did/said that you didn't share with us, or this is something you do to her all the time, this is certainly NOT an offense that deserves the silent treatment for a whole day, and is certainly NOT an offense that should have her even considering ending your relationship.

Unless there is more to this, I am leaning towards thinking she is immature and that maybe you shouldn't want to have to deal with somebody like that anyway. If she could get THIS upset over such a minor offense, what else is going to cause her to explode? How long before she's ending your relationship because you farted too loud or some other ridiculous offense like that?

Granted, I will readily admit that maybe I am overreacting. I don't know. I'm just saying, that is how this story hits me if there really is no more to it than what you've shared.

Though, assuming you do still want to be with her, my suggestion would just be to keep trying and keep being apologetic. Don't bombard her with constant texts/calls or anything like that. Better to give her time to cool off then come back and try again later. All the same, though, the apology should match the crime. In other words, it isn't like you kicked her Granny, or were caught cheating, or something heinous like that. So, if it gets to the point where you've apologized enough and she's still not having it, that may be the time to start gently (and if need be, a little less gently) pointing out that you've said you are sorry, but that, wrong though you actions may have been, they were not egregious enough to deserve this level of punishment.

Good luck to you either way.

**ttee** · 10-02-16, 07:33 AM

Originally Posted by TheEvilJester

I don't know... maybe this is just me, but I have to honest to God say I'm leaning towards thinking maybe you actually just let her go. I mean, don't get me wrong, you definitely should NOT have said that to her. I mean, unless she was being deliberately rude and snippy with you in text. When you say she was "being short" I assume you just mean she was giving very brief answers. If she actually WAS being rude and snippy with you, then I think you had every right to be upset.

If it was just that she was giving really short answers, then you should have just given her the benefit of the doubt. We all get a little grumpy sometimes. As long as we don't go overboard in some way (getting overly angry, or it happening way too often, etc.) then it should just be chalked up to life.

......

However, unless there is more you did/said that you didn't share with us, or this is something you do to her all the time, this is certainly NOT an offense that deserves the silent treatment for a whole day, and is certainly NOT an offense that should have her even considering ending your relationship.

Unless there is more to this, I am leaning towards thinking she is immature and that maybe you shouldn't want to have to deal with somebody like that anyway. If she could get THIS upset over such a minor offense, what else is going to cause her to explode? How long before she's ending your relationship because you farted too loud or some other ridiculous offense like that?

Granted, I will readily admit that maybe I am overreacting. I don't know. I'm just saying, that is how this story hits me if there really is no more to it than what you've shared.

Though, assuming you do still want to be with her, my suggestion would just be to keep trying and keep being apologetic. Don't bombard her with constant texts/calls or anything like that. Better to give her time to cool off then come back and try again later. All the same, though, the apology should match the crime. In other words, it isn't like you kicked her Granny, or were caught cheating, or something heinous like that. So, if it gets to the point where you've apologized enough and she's still not having it, that may be the time to start gently (and if need be, a little less gently) pointing out that you've said you are sorry, but that, wrong though you actions may have been, they were not egregious enough to deserve this level of punishment.

Good luck to you either way.

thanks a lot for your input. i am trying to decide between three things to do. because again, i do not know why she wont answer me about wanting to move on or not. but here are my three options.

1. just let it be unti(or even if) she contacts me.
2. if she doesnt text me, in a couple days ill text her with a normal "hey, how are you" text
3. apologize one more time, and tell her that if she wants to talk, im always open to convo with her

i just do not know what to do. this whole situation is messed up

**pcmaster** · 10-02-16, 10:58 AM

Good luck with your Sugar, Tee.

**ttee** · 10-02-16, 11:20 AM

thanks, prayers would be highly appreciated lol

**TheEvilJester** · 11-02-16, 06:39 AM

Yeah, I get you. She is being really immature not to just talk to you and clear the air. Once again, like I said you really shouldn't have reacted the way you did. (But, honest to God, who among us is not guilty of messing up and doing something like that now and then in life?) You obviously get that. Plus, I think it is a sign that you are a good person that you realized almost right away that you'd done something wrong, and even were man enough to apologize.

You've apologized now. Again, I will reiterate that, unless there is more to the story on which you did not fully elaborate, your offense was far FAR too minor for this level of punishment. So, as of your last post, you still haven't heard from her for days other than that one brief message.

Personally, I think you are done apologizing. That is just me, so maybe that isn't what others may think or what would feel right to you, but I think you've apologized enough. I think now is the time to be getting a little more assertive, while still remaining reserved and polite.

Is she really considering ending your relationship over this, or are you just over-reacting/reading more into it then what is really there? ...How exactly are you supposed to know that? She won't even talk to you. On the surface, I'd like to say it is ridiculous that anybody could blow it THIS out of proportion. So, my normal gut instinct would be to say that you are probably just reading more into it, that she was upset but didn't consider it enough of an offense to break up......

But what little responses she's given you certainly don't make that very clear. Not only that, but to now go days without talking to you.... What exactly are you supposed to think? Who wouldn't think she's still upset about it at this point?

All I can say is, of your choices above, I think I would personally go with a completely different option. I think more so at this point, I'd be more direct. Something along the lines of "Look, I've apologized and I sincerely AM sorry I was snippy with you. But it's been days and from the lack of contact and the way you're treating me when we DO talk, I'm getting the impression you are done with our relationship. I don't see how what I did was bad enough to cause that, but if you don't give me the chance to talk to you about it, how are we ever supposed to move past it? Either way, I don't deserve to just be left in limbo, so let's talk."

Obviously put that in your own words, but that is my personal suggestion for how I think I'd go about it at this point if I were you. Again, maybe that isn't what would feel right for you personally. If not, then you do what feels right for you. It's just, I think you've apologized enough and that your offense was much too minor to warrant this level of punishment. Hopefully you are just getting yourself over-worried and she is upset, but not THAT upset. Either way, though, she needs to grow the Hell up and talk to you about it. If she actually IS blowing it THAT out of proportion to where she is considering ending the relationship, then she needs to at least grow the Hell up and tell you that. That would be her loss, by the way, not yours. IF she's actually that immature, then you frankly deserve better anyway.

Again, hopefully it turns out you are just worrying over nothing, though. Good luck to you either way.

**ttee** · 11-02-16, 07:51 AM

Originally Posted by TheEvilJester

Yeah, I get you. She is being really immature not to just talk to you and clear the air. Once again, like I said you really shouldn't have reacted the way you did. (But, honest to God, who among us is not guilty of messing up and doing something like that now and then in life?) You obviously get that. Plus, I think it is a sign that you are a good person that you realized almost right away that you'd done something wrong, and even were man enough to apologize.

You've apologized now. Again, I will reiterate that, unless there is more to the story on which you did not fully elaborate, your offense was far FAR too minor for this level of punishment. So, as of your last post, you still haven't heard from her for days other than that one brief message.

Personally, I think you are done apologizing. That is just me, so maybe that isn't what others may think or what would feel right to you, but I think you've apologized enough. I think now is the time to be getting a little more assertive, while still remaining reserved and polite.

Is she really considering ending your relationship over this, or are you just over-reacting/reading more into it then what is really there? ...How exactly are you supposed to know that? She won't even talk to you. On the surface, I'd like to say it is ridiculous that anybody could blow it THIS out of proportion. So, my normal gut instinct would be to say that you are probably just reading more into it, that she was upset but didn't consider it enough of an offense to break up......

But what little responses she's given you certainly don't make that very clear. Not only that, but to now go days without talking to you.... What exactly are you supposed to think? Who wouldn't think she's still upset about it at this point?

All I can say is, of your choices above, I think I would personally go with a completely different option. I think more so at this point, I'd be more direct. Something along the lines of "Look, I've apologized and I sincerely AM sorry I was snippy with you. But it's been days and from the lack of contact and the way you're treating me when we DO talk, I'm getting the impression you are done with our relationship. I don't see how what I did was bad enough to cause that, but if you don't give me the chance to talk to you about it, how are we ever supposed to move past it? Either way, I don't deserve to just be left in limbo, so let's talk."

Obviously put that in your own words, but that is my personal suggestion for how I think I'd go about it at this point if I were you. Again, maybe that isn't what would feel right for you personally. If not, then you do what feels right for you. It's just, I think you've apologized enough and that your offense was much too minor to warrant this level of punishment. Hopefully you are just getting yourself over-worried and she is upset, but not THAT upset. Either way, though, she needs to grow the Hell up and talk to you about it. If she actually IS blowing it THAT out of proportion to where she is considering ending the relationship, then she needs to at least grow the Hell up and tell you that. That would be her loss, by the way, not yours. IF she's actually that immature, then you frankly deserve better anyway.

Again, hopefully it turns out you are just worrying over nothing, though. Good luck to you either way.

Thanks for your input. Last night she texted me saying

"I don't plan to pursue anything further at this point. Like I said, you threatened me with an action because you didn't like something that I was doing. And I clearly do not tolerate that. Maybe I was wrong at first, but then again I was only being short. Not mean or disrepectful. To me, being talkative is not a thing I must uphold at all times of the day. I had even mentioned I was grumpy. So for you to give me and ultimatum, so early on, and for something so stupid.... I will not stick around for something like that. So thanks for apologizing, and Ill get your clothes back asap."

to this I responded

"Okay. Thanks for letting me know how you feel. Just know that I know I messed up and I learned my lesson if we were ever to talk again. You were literally the ideal girl, like all the aspects you have I love. Lowkey the highlight to what was going on in my life. I messed up big time. But there is nothing I can do but wish you nothing but the best."

Now I am giving her her space. But I am still pretty heartbroken that I messed up this bad with literally my ideal girl. She was in a bad/abusive relationship before and I messed up.

So basically what I am wondering is, how long should I let her be for? Should I just let her go all in all? Or at some point in the future should I reach out to her to try to mend things and go back to how we were literally 5 days ago?

**pcmaster** · 11-02-16, 08:06 AM

Originally Posted by ttee

thanks, prayers would be highly appreciated lol

I prayed God for you.

**ttee** · 11-02-16, 08:08 AM

Originally Posted by pcmaster

I prayed God for you.

lol thanks pc

**TheEvilJester** · 12-02-16, 07:19 AM

Maybe you can't see it yet, but I'm hating this girl more and more the more details you share with us. I'm even more confident now that you deserve better than her, and that she's an immature child.

Let's examine her response to you above...

HER: "Like I said, you threatened me with an action because you didn't like something that I was doing."

You "threatened" her with an action? Okay. Let's examine that now.

YOU: "its fine youre grumpy, but if you are going to keep being short with me, I am going to come over there and punch your teeth right out of your face."

You know, she's right. That is quite the threat. ...Except....Oh wait.... that's not what you said. What you said was:

YOU: "its fine youre grumpy, but if you are going to keep being short with me, i just wont respond to you anymore."

Again, was that wrong of you? Sure, you really shouldn't have said that. She'd told you she was in a bad mood that day, even explained that was why she was not being terribly talkative. In fact, she IS right that she's not obligated to be chatty with you at all times. So, sure you were wrong to say that to her and you really shouldn't have been upset for her giving such short responses....

BUT, this is in NO WAY a major enough offense that somebody should so radically change their opinion of you. I think, in all likelihood either:

A) She was already on the fence with you and, rather than just be honest with you about it, she was just waiting for some small offense so she could end it...

or

B) She has the maturity level of a child and a sense of entitlement to match. She's one of those stuck up pieces of crap who thinks their own waste matter doesn't stink and who thinks they can do no wrong. So, GOD FORBID you are human and make one teeny tiny little mistake, there will be all Hell to pay.

Really, do either of those options sound like somebody you want in your life anyway? You made one little mistake and she threw away your whole relationship over it. I don't know, I mean is it just me? Does this seem like an over-reaction to anybody else, or is it just me?

Bottom line, believe me, I understand how you feel right now. You are beating yourself up because you think you messed up and it cost you a good relationship. I can tell you, though, hearing the story you share, that is FAR from the impression I get. The impression I get is you made one tiny little human mistake and she couldn't get over it. Good God, why would you want somebody in your life who is so pathetic and fickle?

Trust me, in time not only will you be okay, but you will also realize that you are so much better off without her. You were MILDLY rude to her ONCE in a text message, and she's treating you like she caught you cheating on her. Forget her. Take some time to heal, to learn from your mistakes and realize that you weren't the only one to make mistakes, and re-learn to be happy just in and of yourself. Then, go out there and find yourself a good woman, not an overgrown child.

Am I maybe over-reacting a bit myself? Perhaps, but I sort of feel like you need to hear this flip side of the coin. Right now you are beating yourself up about this, but I honestly think even YOU are punishing yourself disproportionately too much based upon your very minor offense. You didn't mess up a good thing, she threw away a potentially good thing with no real reason.

Good luck, friend.

**ttee** · 12-02-16, 11:14 AM

Yea I'm just going to do the whole no contact thing now. I've already tried to heal it. The reason I'm beating myself up is because I've posted about this on other forums and it's like 70% of the people said I was extremely out of line seeing as it was early in the relationship and she warned me prior that she's broken/hurt from her past relationships. She's also seems to have an ego. So I'm gonna do the whole not contact thing and see if she reaches out to me. Also to heal and hopefully get over it, which i know I will. The only thing that sucks is the good times we shared during the time, how she acted so close to me, and obviously how pretty she is. But in the meantime, I'm not going to necessarily wait around for her to come for me. Even though I need my clothes. I'm gonna go out and meet new people.

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