Soul mate vs bad timing

[idrive]

Hi guys !

I'm a 38 year old father of 2, divorcee of a 10+ years relationship about 1.5 years ago.

I've been dating ever since my ex moved out. Found great new friends, a few short term romances but nothing more.

Now, around x-mas, I was just bout to take a break from dating (online and off) and one girl wrote me, went on a date and it was instantly obvious something was special, we both expressed it.

Saw each other as much as possible for 2-3 weeks, I never felt anything like this, it just clicks on every level, feels like we've known each other our hole life, it's just simple and easy, really amazing stuff ... then she backed off.

She got out of a 10+ year long term relationship with a pessimistic control freak last fall and not ready to have someone in her life. She needs to rebuild, find herself again. She admitted never feeling anything like this either and in the process of falling in love ... but can't cope with that now, with a new house, starting shared custody and with her ex that's giving her a hard time she put the brakes on. She wan't expecting to find "me" or someone like me online, she was there to meet new people yes but only casually.

We've been yoyo-ing for about a month telling each other she needs time, not talking/trexting for a few days, telling me that I shouldn't wait for her, she can't promise anything ... but that it would be great together, we have no doubts about that. She keeps getting back to me, telling me how she misses me, we talk, get together, and she backs off again, too much too soon. We are both torn up.

I really feel like I found my soul mate, first time it happens to me in 38 years (!), we still talk but decided not to see each other for now and she says I'm doing her good, that I'm a positive thing for her right now, with all that's going on ... she's just not ready to be "with me".

Seems like a case of "soul mate with bad timing"

Kinda lost on what should I do, what is best for ME and what's best for HER.

SOS

[TheEvilJester]

She's told you not to wait, so as much as I'd like to offer optimistic advice, I think that is precisely what you do.... you don't wait. Is it possible that she is being 100% honest, 100% sincere? Is it possibly she honestly does really like you but just doesn't feel ready for a relationship? Sure, it is possible. The thing is, it is also possible she is just saying these things so she is able to keep you around as an option.

It's also true that, no matter which is the case (she's being honest, or she's deceiving you just to keep her options open), it doesn't really change the fact that you shouldn't just wait around hoping she will change her mind. Honestly, it is understandable, given what she is going through, if she's not quite ready to get that serious with anybody. All the same, if she truly is that into you, she shouldn't just throw that away because she didn't think she was ready yet.

The last thing in the world you would deserve is to wait around hoping she will be ready, only for her to eventually be ready.... to date some other guy. Would that happen? Maybe, maybe not. My point is just that you shouldn't put your life on hold waiting around for something that may not ever happen. Perhaps it is best for you to just keep your distance. If she comes back for you, then great. If not, then move on and find yourself a gal who is ready to move forward with something serious.

Good luck to you either way. I sincerely hope you do find somebody who is ready for more with you, whether that winds up being her or somebody else.

[myers5061]

It's a no go. If she starts bashing you around like that, it means it won't work out, period. So just move on and try to find someone better.
Look up Nexus Date blog, they've got nice articles on relationships.