HELP!! Should I break up with him?

[Lmoon92]

Hey, so I've been going out with my boyfriend for the last five years (despite breaking up 2 and a half years ago for a month). Hes 24, i'm 21 and he is my first ever boyfriend. Anyway he's so good too me, always buys me nice gifts and has always been supportive, but I just don't think I love him as much as I used to? We get along most of the time but, I just feel like we don't have a big enough connection and enough to talk about! Everyone tells me how he is the 'perfect guy' because he is so good to me, but they don't know what goes on behind closed doors.

Even though I'm with him so long, I only know a handful of his friends and he barely knows any of mine (we live on different sides of the city, approx 30mins drive) so we never go out for drinks with friends. I see him 3-4 times a week and we'd go to the cinema or relax in each other's houses. It's always just the two of us which can get quite boring sometimes.

We barely have sex (probably once every 2 months) which is a big problem as I'm in my 20's and don't want to feel like I'm a married couple yet! When I go clubbing with friends, I find myself talking or looking at other men (and i like the attention when they look at me). I would never cheat on him and know he would never cheat on me. He often talks about our future together and tells me he wants to get married and have children with me but I don't want the rest of my life to be this boring and quite.

Anyway, I can't figure out if I love him or I am in love with him. I've thought about breaking up with him, but i am afraid I wont meet someone in the future that would compare to him ('perfect guy') or that I would regret my decision. I know it would come as a shock to him, but we have had a chat on several occasions were we promised to make our relationship better, but old habits always creep back in. Last time we broke up, it was me breaking up with him so I know if I was to do it again there would be no chance of us getting back together... Help!

[myers5061]

If you broke up a bunch of times already, this relationship is doomed. What's the point of going on/off all the time? Just move on and find somebody less boring, if you find the relationship with this guy not too fun. Also, you can try online dating, if you want. Here's a good site I personally like: nexusdate.com

[TheEvilJester]

This isn't really a black and white situation. It is also not an easy question to answer. I will say this.... Just because he is a great guy, that doesn't automatically mean he's a great guy FOR YOU. In other words, he may seem like the perfect guy, but maybe he's the perfect guy for somebody else, but not for you. So, absolutely do not think that you should stay with him JUST BECAUSE he is a good guy. If you really just don't feel that connection with him, then you'd be cheating him of somebody who truly loves him.... but you'd also be cheating yourself of being with somebody you truly love.

Now, that said, does that mean my advice is to leave him? No. Not necessarily. On the reverse side of that coin, if you actually DO love him, but just feel like things have become boring, sometimes you can do something to change that. For example, are you bored WITH HIM, or is it just more so that you are bored with never doing anything social? If it is more just you want to get out more, then why not develop some of your own hobbies outside of the relationship? As long as you don't prioritize other things over your significant other, there is no harm in having interests outside of them. In fact, you SHOULD.

So, if there are things you want to do more that don't really interest him, there is no need to force him into them, but also no need for you to deprive yourself. So, really it comes down to whether you are just bored socially or specifically bored with him. The sex issue you mention does sort of lean more towards that maybe you are losing interest in him. If you two aren't having sex as much as you'd like (either because of him not wanting to, you not wanting to, or other reasons) then that could be an issue. If two people are not compatible sexually, that is NOT a minor thing.

I know this won't exactly be easy, but this is more so a situation where you are going to have to really put some serious thought into WHY you are doubting the relationship. The only way you can really know how to proceed is by figuring out whether your concerns are over issues that could be fixed, or over things that probably never will. That, and also to determine if they are even big enough issues in the first place. Sometimes we can't help but inflate issues in our own minds and make them bigger than they really are. We are ALL guilty of that now and then, and sometimes taking a step back, you realize you are elevating something that really isn't as big a deal as you are treating it. Believe me, I am NOT saying you are doing that.... I'm just saying you should figure out if maybe you are.

In the end, though, if you are not happy in your relationship, the you really owe it both to yourself and to him to end things. On the other hand, if you are worried over nothing/little things, or they are things that probably could be fixed, then you really out it to yourself and to him to have the courage to try to do just that. Only you can really know which is the case, but I do wish you all the best in figuring that out. Good luck to you.