Loss of intimacy in Long distance relationship

[GG94]

I've been with my BF for nearly two years and we live 2 hours away from each other. We are both quite young (early to mid 20's) and there are no plans for us to move closer in the near future. Due to work we only get to see each other once or twice a month. When we do see each other things are great both in and out the bed room. We usually talk on the phone each day to check in with each other and I love him very much.
I do miss having him with me both physically and emotionally. At the beginning of the relationship we used technology to keep the heat going (photos, Skype, texts etc) however this has gradually decrease over the past 6months. Whenever I attempt to instigate anything I either get a change in conversation or a joke in response. When I then express my frustration he tends to turn it around so I feel stupid for bringing it up. It's hard not to feel rejected and it's a bit bitter sweet when he instigates anything as I then feel weak for always giving him what he wants without a second thought.

Do I have unrealistic expectations? I just want some form of intimacy and to keep the fire burning so to speak. It's really getting me down and effecting my confidence.

Sorry for the essay and thankyou for reading x

[TheEvilJester]

You do not have unrealistic expectations at all. By the same token, though, it is entirely possible he does not either. Without knowing more about your situation, I don't necessarily know. However, if the relationship as it is just isn't working for you..... then THE RELATIONSHIP AS IT IS JUST ISN'T WORKING FOR YOU. There's nothing wrong with that. Maybe he's not really done anything wrong. Maybe the long distance thing works just fine for him. But if it does not work for you, then that does not make you wrong.

That wouldn't be enough for a lot of people. I know I, for one, could not do that. If I were to ever get a girlfriend, it would be hard enough not thinking Hell had frozen over and/or expecting any day to wake up to realize it was all just a dream. I could not live with a relationship where I almost never got to see the person, and we barely ever got time together.

So, if that doesn't work for you, that is understandable. Unfortunately, if that situation is just not likely to change for you two any time soon, then maybe that means the timing is just not right for this relationship. That is really a shame, but sometimes that DOES happen. Just because you two otherwise go well together does not automatically mean it is meant to be. If the situation just isn't working for you, and it is not likely to change any time soon, it may not be right. You deserve to be happy. If a relationship is only bringing you stress, it may not be worth it. It doesn't matter if that is because the person is a bad person, or if they are actually a GREAT person, but the relationship just doesn't work for other reasons.

Good luck to you. It certainly isn't an easy decision you face. You shouldn't just give him up without at least seriously thinking about it first. Can you maybe wait for a time when you two can move together (or at least closer) or would that be too hard for you? When it comes down to it, it would be completely understandable if that just isn't enough for you. If the situation doesn't work for you, you certainly shouldn't just wait around hoping it changes. Then what if it never does? I wish you the best in deciding and hope that it works out for you either way.

[GG94]

Thankyou for your reply. I really do love him but can understand where your coming from with regards to timing. I can't imagine my life without him and crave a future. I think I'm going to sit down and try to have a frank conversation about our near and far future together (something I'm not to great at doing). Thanks again for giving my an outside perspective

[TheEvilJester]

As I said, it definitely isn't an easy decision. I know what you mean in saying you can't imagine your life without him.... but at the same time what if your long distance situation shows no signs of changing any time in the near future? What if there is the distinct possibility it will never change? That is certainly no way to have a real, lasting relationship, and certainly no way to be happy.

I don't know if that is the case here. Maybe there IS a chance that you two could eventually move closer to each other, or even move in together. Maybe it is possible you two could put a plan in place for that for which the timing seems reasonable to you. If so, then great. Then, it may be worth trying to make it work. I hope that is the case. Good luck to you!