My boyfriend and his phone

[Eel751]

So my boyfriend and I have been fighting for the past 2 weeks he told me over break he saw his ex gf and her family and how he wanted to make sure they're doing ok. He said she has a bf who she's happy with. I got mad of course because he shouldn't be in contact with his ex and shit. So there goes all the trust I had for him he was mad for bit that I got mad. He then basically asked me to suck his dick in the hallway which I didn't do. I blew up at him on that on how I didn't like that at all. He told me today he's sorry he did that and that if he does something like that again, to punch him in the balls. I told him about a girl he snapchatted last month and that it bugged me that he said her name in his sleep. He told me that she doesn't go to our school anymore and that he talked to her last semester before we were together. He also said a girl he had a crush on high school, his older sister caught him saying her name in his sleep. He told me he's never had that girl he snapchatted in his dreams. I also told him he can text his ex as a friend but he shouldn't visit her or her family. We always cuddle after talking about our problems, we fell asleep and I noticed he's been putting his phone face down on the desk in his dorm room. I told him I'm going to stay up all night studying and he's like, "no no no you have to get at least 8 hours of sleep tonight" I told him I was up until 6am doing an outline I had due today. He says he cares about me and that he loves me. He also said, he swears on his mom there's no other girls involved. He invited me to his volunteer fire department banquet and we might go hiking this weekend. Do you think everything sounds ok? He's apologized for his mistakes and he told me he wants me to take initiative in having sex sometimes because he always does it. I told him we shouldn't have sex for a week. He said ok. The only thing I don't like about this is that his phone is now face down. What do you guys think? My friends think I should dump him for him treating me like crap but I'm giving him chances to prove himself. How do I know if he is sincere or not? I think maybe only time will tell but is there anything I can do?

[melancholia]

This doesn't sound like a fun relationship at all. You sound incredibly insecure and you don't trust your boyfriend. Has he ever actually done anything to break your trust? He is allowed to be friends with whomever he wishes, even his ex. I understand that it's not ideal for your boyfriend to be in contact with his ex - most people don't like that, and most people don't stay friends with their exes unless there is a reason for it. I think you are nitpicking on the minutiae of your problems, like the snapchats and him saying another girl's name while he's sleeping (honestly, if he talks in his sleep, you can't fault him for what he says, he's asleep!). Him telling you to suck his dick is either seriously rude, or that comment in your OP is out of context. Did he just randomly ask you that while you were arguing? Was he trying to make a joke out of it, or was he serious? It's hard to tell from you initial post because he could have been trying to break the tension, and said something stupid.

I think you need to take a good, hard look at your relationship. Ask yourself the following questions and be honest with yourself: Do you trust him? Are you comfortable with him? Are you happy? Then, ask yourself what you need from your boyfriend in order to feel better about your relationship. Maybe it's better communication, maybe he needs to be more respectful of your boundaries, who knows... only you know what is right for you. I think you should talk to him about how you are feeling. Try using "I feel" statements, and use language that doesn't come across as judgmental or critical of him. Then tell him what you need from him to feel more secure and happier in you relationship. Then ask him to tell you what he needs from you. You both need to put the same level of effort and commitment into your relationship, otherwise it won't work out. Simple as that.

[Eel751]

This doesn't sound like a fun relationship at all. You sound incredibly insecure and you don't trust your boyfriend. Has he ever actually done anything to break your trust? He is allowed to be friends with whomever he wishes, even his ex. I understand that it's not ideal for your boyfriend to be in contact with his ex - most people don't like that, and most people don't stay friends with their exes unless there is a reason for it. I think you are nitpicking on the minutiae of your problems, like the snapchats and him saying another girl's name while he's sleeping (honestly, if he talks in his sleep, you can't fault him for what he says, he's asleep!). Him telling you to suck his dick is either seriously rude, or that comment in your OP is out of context. Did he just randomly ask you that while you were arguing? Was he trying to make a joke out of it, or was he serious? It's hard to tell from you initial post because he could have been trying to break the tension, and said something stupid.

I think you need to take a good, hard look at your relationship. Ask yourself the following questions and be honest with yourself: Do you trust him? Are you comfortable with him? Are you happy? Then, ask yourself what you need from your boyfriend in order to feel better about your relationship. Maybe it's better communication, maybe he needs to be more respectful of your boundaries, who knows... only you know what is right for you. I think you should talk to him about how you are feeling. Try using "I feel" statements, and use language that doesn't come across as judgmental or critical of him. Then tell him what you need from him to feel more secure and happier in you relationship. Then ask him to tell you what he needs from you. You both need to put the same level of effort and commitment into your relationship, otherwise it won't work out. Simple as that.

Hi, thanks for your feedback. He asked me to suck his dick not when we were not arguing but after dinner when we were alone. We started making out in the elevator but I stopped and he wanted more. I said no!! That happened on Monday. Yesterday, I did talk to him about the incident last month with the snapchat I mentioned above. I typed his exact words. He spoke in a calm voice and he says that he swears on his mom, there are no other girls. Once he reassured me, he asks if we're ok and if I'm still his girl. We then cuddled and fell asleep. My roommate hates him for having him make me cry over this and stressed out and then he pulls out his dick. I was mad too but he reassured me that the girl who snapchatted him isn't his ex gf but a girl he talked to last semester before we were together. He was gentle and calm about it. One thing his step father told me was that as he was making fun of his sister that he shows love by teasing and being mean. That he doesn't mean it. So he's aware of it but he told me he got very carried away after I started kissing him and he was sorry. He just holds me close and kisses me. One thing he did say he wanted was to have me initiate sex instead of him. On Saturday, he told me he doesn't want to **** me but make love too me nice and slow. That's what he did. He tells me I'm beautiful and that my eyes are amazing. The light was hitting them at that moment. My mom tells me these same things. If my mom really loves me, I wonder if he really loves me too. He knows I like to do chipmunk kisses, so that's how he kissed me. We fell asleep in each other's arms. He says he cares about me. He's making small efforts by telling me he loves me. But I believe actions speak louder than words. Yes, I'm very insecure. My first bf who is my ex treated me bad. He'd always talk about other girls and how all these girls wanted him but he's actually bisexual. He made fun of me for not wanting to sleep with him. My current boyfriend doesn't talk about other girls. We have sex. We tell each other we love one another. It's just the fact that I don't know what he's really doing. Is he texting other girls? When he told me he first saw his exes family and her that they talked and agreed to just be friends. He said he was close with her family that he was over at her house all the time but they only dated for 3 months. She also has a boyfriend who she seems really happy with. We've been together for almost 4 months. I want to love him and have us bring out the best in each other. I don't know if I want to be with him forever but I told him relationships are learning experiences. I love that he's smart, funny, his sister's have young kids so he's good with kids. He's Hispanic too and I'm white. I love the diversity. I speak Spanish too so it's cool that he'll say something in Spanish and I'll understand it. I'm so sensitive and I hate fighting with him, I don't want to lose him. I believe we're on good terms now, I just pray he's not lying to me.

[melancholia]

If you don't want to have sex, you don't have to. If anyone ever pressures you into it, they are not the right person for you. It's unfair to pressure anyone into doing something they don't want to do, so it is a good thing you stood your ground when you felt that those boundaries had been crossed.

If he says he is friends with his ex-girlfriend and her family, it might be a good idea for you to meet her. If they are just friends, and if she has a boyfriend she is happy with, then it shouldn't be a problem for you two to meet. That might make you feel much better about the situation because you will be able to see her interact with your boyfriend with you there. Who knows, maybe you two could end up being friends, too. Then everybody wins. However, if your boyfriend acts shady about you wanting to meet her, then something else might be going on. It doesn't mean he is cheating on you with her, but it could mean that he's not entirely over her.

I understand how you might be insecure due to your past relationship. However, your current boyfriend is not your ex. This is an entirely different relationship and you need to learn to let go of the past and let go of the pain your ex caused you. We all have insecurities, so it's totally normal that you have them. At the same time, it's not doing you any favors to sit and speculate and wrack your brain with worry that your boyfriend might be texting other women. If he says he doesn't, and if he says he loves you and that you are his girl; and if he reaffirms that he is only interested in dating you, then you should take him at his word. You should trust him until he gives you a reason not to trust him. Your relationship will not make it if you don't trust each other. You can decide right now whether you trust him or not.

Best of luck to you. You deserve to be happy!