why does my girlfriend flirt but then say she isnt?

[liftinglife12]

We both work together and there is this other guy at work that she always flirts with. She is constantly talking to him, hitting him playfully and other flirty stuff. I've talked to her about it and she says she's just "playing around" and that she was going to stop if it bothered me. But she hasnt. She talks to him more than she talks to me... any advice?

[TheEvilJester]

Without being closer to the situation, it is hard for us to comment on whether she is crossing the line, or whether she is just being friendly and you shouldn't worry.

However... the bottom line is if it bothers you.... then IT BOTHERS YOU. To me, I think the fact that she knows it bothers you and still does it is all the evidence you need. Not only that, but unless you are exaggerating, if she literally talks to this guy more than she talks to you then, yeah.... that's a problem. YOU are her boyfriend, not that guy. You two should practically be best buddies. I mean, it isn't like she can't be friendly with other guys, but you certainly shouldn't be made to feel second priority to another guy.

However it is you feel the need to deal with it, the one piece of advice I would always give no matter what is to not let her pull you down and turn you into the bad guy. For example, don't discuss it with her while heated on the topic. Don't give her the "it's him or me" type of ultimatum. You have every right to feel the way you do, so don't allow her to upset you to the point where you just come across like any other meat-headed jealous guy acting all possessive of her.

In other words, if you do discuss it with her (and you should), don't do so in an upset/heated way, and don't do so in an accusatory way. Here's just an example of what I might say if I were you:

"Look, I hate how this just sounds like I'm being "that guy." It's not like that at all. I understand I can trust you. I still can't help that the situation makes me feel uncomfortable. I know maybe this is silly, but it makes me feel like you pay more attention to that guy than to your own boyfriend."

If she gets all defensive and rude, then I think that tells you all you need to know and that you deserve better. If she's willing to talk about it and is understanding, then be prepared to discuss it with her. Maybe she'll ask what she does that causes you to feel that way. Maybe she'll ask what she can do to still be friends with that guy, but to make you feel comfortable with it and not like a lesser priority. If she's actually willing to work with you, then that is a good sign that she actually does care.

Good luck to you either way.

[breathe123]

I think you both working together is an issue but helpful because you get to see how she acts in person & you don't gel with it & if she can't respect your polite asking to cut that shit out, then maybe she isn't the girl for you.

[billfever]

Sounds like she is flirting. I agree with the previous poster if it bothers you than that should be enough for her to stop doing it. My ex started flirting with a guy when we were going through a rough time. She knew it bothered me and did it anyway. Eventually she stopped once we were on better terms. If she talks to him more than you than it's not good.