long distance break up

[billfever]

LDR for about a year and a half. We met online (not a dating site). We got to know each other over about 9 months before meeting in person for the first time. By the time we met we were already infatuated with one another. In the beginning things were great, the honeymoon phase if you will. We saw each other once a month (long weekend generally) and in-between texted, phone calls, Skype. We spoke everyday. When we were together things were great, the trips were always fun. We talked about moving to start a life together, etc. There were countless "I love you" "I miss you" from both of us. About six months or so things started to change. I noticed that she communicated less and was not as eager to see me. She would also pull back every so often. It seemed the closer we got she would start to back off (say things like 'let's just take it slow, see how it goes'). By summer things were not going well but we got through it and I saw her a couple more times. However, by December she ended it. She told me that she never loved me and she didn't want a relationship, that she had been vulnerable and got carried away. She said she regretted crossing the line with me.To be fair I had started to get "needy" and I know this played a part and she agreed though she continually insists her past is causing problems. She told me I was a good man but she didn't feel the way I did. I guess my questions are:

Did she really never love me? She said I was the sweetest, kindest man she ever met and she wanted to love me. Well, what did she feel then?

About six months or so after we met friends started coming back into her life. Up to then she had basically been alone. All at once however friends reappeared and she moved in with family. Possible that played a part?

She said she wanted to be my friend. I know that is standard in break ups However, she said I understood her and she valued my friendship. Well, contact only exists one way between us. If I call her she doesn't answer, texting is not much better. Yet she will call me on occasion. It seems at times she will call then kind of vanishes for a week or so. She says she is busy but she talks to her friends daily.

She never told anyone about me. Nobody in her life knew I existed, not family or friends. The last time I saw her she wanted to go home and get something but dropped me off at a coffee house rather than take me home with her (lives with family). I know that is a bad sign but don't understand what it meant.

I know I'll never really know all that happened but I'm still getting over her and trying to deal with losing her. We had fun and she brought good into my life but when she left it hurt so bad. Some of the things she said really took it out of me. Made me feel like the whole relationship meant nothing.

[Keepingon]

I've been guilty of the same thing in the past....feeling vulnerable and getting involved with a man I didn't necessarily want to be involved with. Its not nice, its not fair, and it leaves lots of questions at the end, so I'm sorry that this has happened to you.

She told me that she never loved me and she didn't want a relationship, that she had been vulnerable and got carried away.

Although it hurts I would take what she says right here at face value and just accept it without trying to analyse her motives further.

Plus, don't try to be friends with her any longer. From her behaviour it's likely that she just said that to ease her own guilty feelings about leading you on.

Quite frankly you deserve someone that wants to be seen with you, that wants to tell all their friends and family about you and wants to shout it from the rooftops..

[billfever]

Thank you for your reply I appreciate it. I think you are right I have to accept what she said and let it go. It is hard for me to do but there really is no other option. I agree I don't believe she has any real interest in being my friend and I'm really not in a position to be friends with someone I'm still in love with.
Thank you again,