Hello
My name is Laura and I'm 25. Last June (2015) I got married. My husband his 18 years older than me and has two children from a previous marriage.
Our relationship started in May 2014. By the middle of June 2014 I'd already been introduced to his children and had moved in with him.
It was quite lonely- he worked from 9am to 10:30pm Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I worked 9am to 5pm Monday to Friday. So we had very little time together as on the Monday and Wednesday nights his children would stay with us.
After living together a few months one evening he text me and told me to go back to my mans for the night as he wanted to be alone. I did that but at 11pm he called me, he was crying and asked me to come home saying he loves me and misses me, can't sleep without me etc. When I got home all the lights were off in the house and he was slumped in a corner crying. He had been drinking. I made him a coffee then we went to bed. The next morning I noticed he had been cutting himself on his stomach.
This worried me and for a while I used to hide the knives from him.
In November 2014 I was diagnosed with PCOS and was told I wouldn't be able to have children without the help of IVF. This made me really upset.
December 2014 we got engaged.
I was upset Christmas Day as he asked me to drop him at his ex-wife's house at 7am then go back and pick him up at 11am. I felt left out and upset.
In February 2015 he changed his working days so he was off on a Sunday and Monday. This meant that we could start having Sunday's together! His children still stayed Monday and Wednesday night but I would look after them on my own on a Wednesday.
Over time I found looking after the kids difficult and stressful. I mentioned this to my husband but he said things to me which made me feel guilty for finding it difficult etc and I carried on.
September I started to really suffer, I think I may have had a little depression as I struggled greatly with everything and everything started getting too much. On 25th Septemer 2015 I said to my husband I can't look after his kids on a Wednesday for a while, I needed time to get myself sorted. He slept in the spare bed that night which really upset me. The next day he got ready then went to work. He text me telling me I'm spoilt, selfish and that the marriage was over. He didn't come home that night. The next day (Sunday 27th) he came home around 3pm with a bite mark on him.
I was devastated and felt so unloved and unsupported. We talked and he told me he had bit his own shoulder to make it look to me like he had slept with someone so I would end the marriage.
We decided to give it another go but after that my trust for him went and I struggled more with depression.
In November 2015 I fell pregnant naturally- what a miracle! I ran to my husband and told him. He just looked at the pregnant test and said you have to start to listen to me now. I felt quite upset by this.
Over the next few weeks my husband wasn't very nice to me. He talked very harsh to me and I was often upset and felt on edge.
On evening around this time I text him thinking he was at work but he told me he'd walked out of work at 3pm and was at home drinking. He then text me saying things like he wanted to be the only man to hold this baby etc. Again this worried me.
When I got home my husband continued to act strange and I was so upset.
The next week (Wednesday 16th December 2015) I was at work when he text me saying he was unhappy and he was moving out.
The next day I went to see him ask him if we could go to marriage counselling to save the marriage. He said no it was over. I told him I would be booking in for a termination he said ok.
I went the next day on the Friday for the consultation. I informed my husband I was doing this and all he asked me was what furniture he could have from the house.
After the termination I was devestated. My husband just text me and asked whether the featus was a boy or a girl? Who asks such questions?!
I can't remember a great deal after that as I was so down, not eating, not sleeping.
My husband called me a murderer and said had I been a good wife I would still be carrying that baby etc.
He now what's to try and make the marriage work.
We have started going to marriage counselling. I don't feel it's helping me. I want to scream why couldn't we do this when I was pregnant?!
He also tells me he loves me more than he's ever loved anyone before. I want to scream well why the eff did you leave me when I was pregnant?!
He's telling me now he wants another child. I feel angry inside. So angry. So hurt.
Will I ever be able to move on and forgive him? Could I trust him? What would happen if I fell pregnant again?
Sorry I've rambled a lot here but I'm in such a mess.
Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you for reading this.