Need advice

[leafonthewind]

So I'm kinda new to the forum. But I'm just going to go ahead and post even though my English is very sloppy, and I don't seem to make sense at certain points. I apologize in advance.
Basically, there is something that has been on my mind for quite awhile. I have picked up several books on sex and love. And they all say that men usually have larger sex drive because of larger quantity of testosterone. I understand that sex is just a natural desire. And that there are different combinations of sex and love. However, for some reasons, I simply do not know, but I have a very strong conviction that sex is something very precious. It doesn't seem right for me to have sex with someone I do not love. At the same time, I feel that my sex drive is somehow increasing. Maybe because I'm 25, and everyone looks darn attractive to me? I feel that I can just go out and have sex with a stranger. It is contradictory.
For me, it takes at least 2 years to know if the person I'm dating is potentially someone that I truly love. And right now, I have none. It really feels like I'm thirsty and I'm unreasonably resisting it. People say that there is nothing wrong with sex between two consenting adults. However, I just cannot make up my mind on this. I don't know if I'm making any sense. But it is already hard for me to understand why our bodies is made of these hormones or that why sex is something so natural for others.
Perhaps it is possible that I have the wrong concepts about love and sex. I want to have sex, but I'm not going to do it with the right person. What would be your point of view or opinion on this matter? I'm just so confused.

[melancholia]

I have very strong opinions about sex, because I am incredibly sex positive and believe that everyone should have fun, have sex, and enjoy it. But only if you want to! You are correct that hormones have a lot to do with sex drive, but that doesn't mean you have to have sex. You do not have to have sex at all if you don't want to, and your reasons for not wanting to do it are perfectly valid, no matter what the reason is. Men generally do have higher sex drives than women, because of testosterone; however, everyone is different and has different levels of sexual energy. I happen to have a really high sex drive, and some guys that I've been with have had less sexual drive than me. So it doesn't mean that if you are a guy, that you necessarily have to have sex more often.

Part of your problem may be that you are too strict on yourself about what sex means. I do not mean this to sound as if I am scrutinizing your choice to abstain from sex, I would never suggest that. But maybe the way you view sex is too strict. Sex is an awesome, fun, energizing experience. Sex should be fun and exciting, and make you feel good. Sometimes you can have sex with someone you love, and sometimes you can have sex with someone you don't love, but are really attracted to. Both types of sex can be really fantastic. The most important factor when it comes to sex is that you are comfortable. All parties involved must be 100% into the idea of having sex, and know that you can stop at any time, for any reason, and that is OK.

Something that may help you is to jerk off. Watch porn and explore your own body. I am not sure if that's something you already do, but if you don't, it is a good idea. There is no shame in exploring your own body, especially if it helps to relieve some of this tension you are feeling about sex. Exploring your own fantasies and desires by yourself, might be helpful because you will see that it can be a pleasurable, enjoyable experience without having to take the step of having sex with another person. Then, when you do meet someone special, whom you want to have sex with, you can explore that journey together, in the safety of your own comfort and desires.

Being confused about sex is completely normal. Please do not think that something is wrong with you because of what you are feeling. Exploring these feelings will help you sort them out, so that you can feel better about these feelings you are having. Sex can be intimidating, but it doesn't have to be! It is important to have sex with someone that you trust, so if being in love and in a committed relationship with someone before you sleep with someone is important to you, then by all means, go at your own pace.

[Wakeup]

Have you ever been in a relationship with a girl (or guy if that's your thing), Op? I think you shouldn't worry about any of what you're thinking about until you have met a girl that is interested in you.

Have you had sex before or are you a virgin?

[leafonthewind]

Have you ever been in a relationship with a girl (or guy if that's your thing), Op? I think you shouldn't worry about any of what you're thinking about until you have met a girl that is interested in you.

Have you had sex before or are you a virgin?

Someone who is interested in me? Hrm, well that's a valid point. Maybe I'm worrying too much.
I'm a virgin and planning to die as one. Ofc, who doesn't want a romantic friend. I have never doubted my belief before. I guess, I'm slightly shocked that our physical body has partly something to do w sexual drive, and that that hasn't changed despite our principles or point of view. And maybe like melancholia said, my view is too strict, especially if it may or may not be more important than my own life.

But thanks though Wakeup. I think that might be it. I worried too much.

- - - Updated - - -

I have very strong opinions about sex, because I am incredibly sex positive and believe that everyone should have fun, have sex, and enjoy it. But only if you want to! You are correct that hormones have a lot to do with sex drive, but that doesn't mean you have to have sex. You do not have to have sex at all if you don't want to, and your reasons for not wanting to do it are perfectly valid, no matter what the reason is. Men generally do have higher sex drives than women, because of testosterone; however, everyone is different and has different levels of sexual energy. I happen to have a really high sex drive, and some guys that I've been with have had less sexual drive than me. So it doesn't mean that if you are a guy, that you necessarily have to have sex more often.

Part of your problem may be that you are too strict on yourself about what sex means. I do not mean this to sound as if I am scrutinizing your choice to abstain from sex, I would never suggest that. But maybe the way you view sex is too strict. Sex is an awesome, fun, energizing experience. Sex should be fun and exciting, and make you feel good. Sometimes you can have sex with someone you love, and sometimes you can have sex with someone you don't love, but are really attracted to. Both types of sex can be really fantastic. The most important factor when it comes to sex is that you are comfortable. All parties involved must be 100% into the idea of having sex, and know that you can stop at any time, for any reason, and that is OK.

Something that may help you is to jerk off. Watch porn and explore your own body. I am not sure if that's something you already do, but if you don't, it is a good idea. There is no shame in exploring your own body, especially if it helps to relieve some of this tension you are feeling about sex. Exploring your own fantasies and desires by yourself, might be helpful because you will see that it can be a pleasurable, enjoyable experience without having to take the step of having sex with another person. Then, when you do meet someone special, whom you want to have sex with, you can explore that journey together, in the safety of your own comfort and desires.

Being confused about sex is completely normal. Please do not think that something is wrong with you because of what you are feeling. Exploring these feelings will help you sort them out, so that you can feel better about these feelings you are having. Sex can be intimidating, but it doesn't have to be! It is important to have sex with someone that you trust, so if being in love and in a committed relationship with someone before you sleep with someone is important to you, then by all means, go at your own pace.

Thanks for such insightful reply melancholia. Perhaps I resent the fact that our physical body can influence our view of love or the world around us. And perhaps it is unnecessary to hold beliefs that restrain our very feeling or desire. No matter how many people tell me that there is no right or wrong on certain things. For some reasons, I cannot stop imposing strict rules upon myself. But this time, I'm confused because maybe I realize that it is unnecessary to hold beliefs that restrain restrain our very feelings and desire.