Long term boyfriend wants to end it, should I fight to keep it?

[Sweet_Dee]

Hi All, I need advice. Its very long, i know but if youll take the time this has been bottled up for a long time.
Any advice, comments,acknowledgment even would be nice. Should I fight to keep this relationship? Is it worth it?

I have a boyfriend who ive been with for a year and a half. We were so compatible, no one can make me laugh like he can. He's handsome, playful, fun, adventurous, he loves the same music as me, he's very supportive and did I mention hilarious!? Since the beginning though he's been very hard on me about things like who I'm friends with, what I wear, where I go and what I do. I had a best friend of 3 years who was male but was strictly platonic. I had been with other guys who didn't care about my friendship with Damien. Until I met Joe. He said there was something more that had to be going on, accused me of having sex with him (and an ex which was completely untrue) and threatened to break up with me. I couldn't dare lose him, I was head over heals so i ended my friendship with Damien, as well as all my other male friendships. I didnt mind much because I had Joe and he was my best friend now. We literally do everything together. Anyway, some time passes, i ended more friendships, hardly ever get to see my family because joe wanted me with him instead, rarely saw my female best friend Paola. He didnt like her because he thought she was a "hoe". Later on i come to find out he was cheating on me with several other girls including his Ex and mother of his daughter. I ended the relationship. I spent most of that time away from him doing cocaine and drinking because i broke up with him on the night of my 21st bday so there were plenty of excuses to go out and drink. I thought i felt fine, i felt empty and lonely without my best friend but i had my family, a new job, some time off school, my birthday and the holidays to keep my mind off of it. It worked for a while until he started texting me again and asking for another chance. I ignored him several times until one day I obliged him and met up with him. Not long after, we were seeing each other again but i refused to say we were dating. I was still really unsure of what i wanted. I had one foot through the door, the other ready to run away. I didn't stop communicating with other guys i had met either. One thing that i loved to do before i met Joe and even now, was go to concerts and house shows (live bands). ive been pretty involved in the music scene since i was very young so I know a lot of people who play in the bands i go see, and a lot of those people I am friends with. A lot of them are also male. I talk to them like friends, one of them I was flirting with. I thought it was ok to do since I never said I was dating Joe again, only said i was still "thinking about it". Ultimately i stopped talking to all those guys and stayed committed and loyal to him once he gave me an ultimatum. Either I made our relationship official, or he'd take a hike. I agreed. Since then i haven't communicated romantically to anybody else, but not long ago he found out about me talking to that guy. He has no trust or faith in me now, its a daily thing that im being accused of cheating and lying. To be fair, he asked me if i had talked to another guys while we were separated and I lied to him about it. Anyways, that was in april when we had that fight, i stopped talking to the guy in February, we made our relationship official in February as well. Fast forward to last weekend. I went to a 3 day music festival. He knew I was going, I went last year and he knew since he met me that I go every single year because it lands on my brothers birthday and thats how we celebrate. I went all 3 days with my brother and his girlfriend and had a hell of a time. Since the festival ended its been a constant bombardment of accusations, name calling and threats to end our relationship. He also got mad at me for wearing shorts and a tank top one day to the festival (i live in vegas, the festival is on a parking lot, it was 101 degrees outside, i got there at 2 pm!!!) i dont know if that is reasonable, but he has always gotten very mad at me for wearing tank tops and forbade me from wearing shorts. It was the first time i had worn shorts in a year. Anyway, about an hour ago he texted me and said that his coworker saw me at the festival giving a guy a hug. I did give someone a hug, an old friend from high school. I greeted him and went about my business with my brother and his girlfriend. I didnt see my friend again that night. He is accusing me of meeting up with guys at shows which he forced me to stop going to (otherwise his accusations, threats and name calling would start up again) and says that I went to the festival to meet up with more guys. This is so far from the truth, and absolutely unfair. Even after his coworker said he wasn't sure if it was me or not, he still refuses to believe me and is calling me a liar, a whore and wants me to pick up my stuff and drop his off. I love him so much but i feel like he is very irrational and gets too angry at things that he doesnt need to be angry about. The festival had nothing to do with meeting guys, it was about having fun with my brother. I dont know what to do. I feel helpless. Also, ive gained 10 pounds since starting a relationship with him. I had very healthy habits before him and suddenly i took up smoking again and reverted farther back than i had ever been health and weight wise after meeting him. He forced me to drink soda and eat red meat, which i had given up. If he cant sleep he wont let me sleep or he'll get angry with me and pick fights with me, but I guess what I really want to know is, is it me? Does he really have reason to be so angry with me for these things? Maybe I am the horrible person and i cant see it. I have no one to talk to about this so i came here I really dont have many friends anymore, just my brother and his girlfriend. Joe and i have had an extensive past and i dont want to let go but then again i feel like its for the best. My anxiety is through the roof and even the slightest change in his voice sends me into a panic. He says i dont love him but thats not true. I dont know what to do i need help. I feel so invested in him, but he says i only care about myself. He treats me badly if i dont do his laundry, cook or clean for him and calls me names. He even threatens to get "a new girl who can do the job". My self esteem is at an all time low, when i tell him about it all he says is hes sick of me bitching so he stopped complimenting me, because i dont listen to anything he says. He sounds kinda bad i know, but when we have our good times they are so amazing, but we havent had good times in a very long time and im tired.. I just dont want to hear that his reasons for being so angry with me all the time are rational, because that means i wouldve been the cause for our relationship ending. I just dont know really.. I dont know if im wrong or right.. help me please..

[hazey daisy]

The only thing you are doing wrong is staying with this controlling abusive %^#hole. I was in your shoes I was in a abusive relationship for 2 years. He follows the same MO. They slowly separate you from your supportive network...your close friends and your family and everything you ever cared about. Before you know it, you don't go out anymore, they constantly monitor your every move, accuse you of sleeping with other guys, etc. they pound any self esteem you ever had into the ground until they have full control over you. After that, the physical abuse starts....I have one thing to tell you GET OUT NOW. Don't look back, block delete, do everything in your power to never talk to him again before he ruins your life and your self worth even more. He is one sick F%^$.

[Kates David]

The only thing you are doing wrong is staying with this controlling abusive %^#hole. I was in your shoes I was in a abusive relationship for 2 years. He follows the same MO. They slowly separate you from your supportive network...your close friends and your family and everything you ever cared about. Before you know it, you don't go out anymore, they constantly monitor your every move, accuse you of sleeping with other guys, etc. they pound any self esteem you ever had into the ground until they have full control over you. After that, the physical abuse starts....I have one thing to tell you GET OUT NOW. Don't look back, block delete, do everything in your power to never talk to him again before he ruins your life and your self worth even more. He is one sick F%^$.

Totally correct, and they all have the same personality, they are all the same person, and they are all PSYCHOPATHS. The single reason that we never get the opportunity to officially refer to them as such is because psychopaths are the masters of deception. - They can out perform us all in court/the average adjudicator is far too stupid to weed them out. Long before the system has stopped praising them, and friends started questioning them they may already be, by my definition, PSYCHOPATHIC KILLERS, they may have already made at least two serious attempts on their partner`s life. Chances are significant that social services will already have you down as an inadequate mother by this time, and that he shall have been granted main carer status. Do n`t be in the least bit surprised if he should constantly barter their lives for a continued sex life with you. It wont of course just be with you, for these sub humans have sex with as many women, the younger the better, as they can possibly seduce... Hang about, you said that he is trying to dump you? Actually I had n`t even read your post, I`m too tired presently, but now just the last few lines. This is what every single last one of them does, they successfully, nine times out of ten, have their victim believing that they deserve everything that they get, they are masters of it, especially the high performing ones, and our society fosters them.

[dontaskme]

I don't see any redeeming qualities in your bf for you to even consider fighting for the relationship. Unless you like walking on eggshells, consider it a blessing that he's out of your life and this time, make it PERMANENT.

You may find the good times enjoyable but the BAD far outweighs the good considering that it's affecting you negatively.

I don't see anything wrong with you. Your bf however, is a fukchead.

[Kates David]

"The good times" are when he takes out his delicate but massive kite/ego, and flies it. You experience him loving himself, but it is never you. No, you may still be normal, but bipolar could be looming on your horizon.

[melancholia]

Until you believe that you deserve better, you will continue to keep yourself stuck in the cycle of abuse. I hope that you can find the courage to get out of this mess, and to move forward without this person. Maybe you can speak with a counselor or close friend/family member, who can help you take the steps you need to end this relationship. I hate to see so many people end up in abusive relationships such as this. I used to be one of those people. When I left my relationship of 5 years, after years of abuse, I never looked back. I am at a much healthier, happier, better place than I ever could have been when I was with him. I hope you can get there, too.

[Kates David]

Maybe you don`t need a counselor yet, but chances are you will do before he is through with you. He`s not trying to finish with you, not likely, far more likely he is trying to reduce you to chasing him. Always think at least one move ahead of his actions. Make a report to the police before attempting your escape, and express a concern that he IS DANGEROUS.

[Kates David]

I`m reading it now, yes, they are very good at displaying themselves in the right colors, and well loved by females. They have an abnormally large collection of friends, even followers. When you totally believe in yourself it gives you great confidence. Their egos are unrealistically large/enormous, and so consequently fragile. They do whatever it takes not to have even the smallest question mark appear over this total self belief, and it helps their cause no end that they don`t experience others sufferings. To protect their egos they must do more than merely seduce, they must remove their victims from the influence of a sane world. Those of your associates that can be won over to his side wont of course be considered a threat. You may soon require to have him believe that he has won over an associate in order to further your evidence. You should already be armed with a micro voice recorder. Report violations of your person from the very beginning. Remember, when you are at the pathological end of self love you are also at the very furthest point from genuine love, and that you are at the very nearest point to both envy and hate. Envy is potentially the most powerful form of hate. Why do you think that scarcely nobody ever concedes to it. Yes, what you are talking about is his absolute requirement for your total ownership, it protects his ego. Directly compromise that and he will be at his most dangerous, and he can easily excuse himself (false reality/belief system) any and all of his actions. Be aware that he may want to own children by you in order to extend his ego, and his power. Psychopaths should be locked down in hospitals for the insane, not running companies through walking over people, not destroying lives, and owning their victims, not being fostered by our societies.

[calari]

It's good that you are aware of the situation! Don't let him use you!! I have the feeling that you want the relationship all in or not! I wouldn't want to have to chase someone or worse to split him with others!

[Kates David]

What does the above mean in English??