She needs time to think.

[rolson]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over 3 years. We have lived together most of that time in some form or another. We have had a very close relationship, yet have our space as well. We are both in college and workingl. We have had our share of fights and I have said things in the past I regret. I have worked on these things and have gotten better. I am going to fix these problems without a doubt.

She and I are the same person. Love the same music, food, movies, and have the same mindset. I dont think I could find a better match. This is saying the least. Her family is practically my family.

She came to me wanting to break up, we talked about it, wrote down what we thought was wrong, and what was causing it. We had a wonderful 3 days after that but she started acting distant. I kept imploring what was wrong and she said she needed time.

She says she still loves me. We have spoken a few times on the phone and less through text. We decided to go on a date 2 nights ago. I bought a card and some flowers. We wanted to slowly work back into things. The date went wonderful, we were very affectionate, holding hands etc.. She said things are getting much better and this is helping tremendously. We have planned to go on another date or two this week. I made sure as much as i reasonably can that she is not stringing me along for her benefit. I have established to her by working on things we shouldnt see other people.

I moved out of the house we just bought together and her friend moved in. Her friends boyfriend had broken up with her a few days before and greatly influenced her decision to end things with me.

I am giving her, her space but also really want to work this out. She tells me she loves me and has a great time on these dates. She misses me and wants to go on more, but still needs time to figure herself out. She says that the issue isnt whether or not im the right person.

I just dont understand. I am giving her time and space, but also presently hanging on while we try and work things out. She is still very distant but very loving and invested if we speak on the phone. Can anyone give me so advice??

Thanks so much.

[TheEvilJester]

Honestly, as hard as it may be, the best advice right now is to continue doing what you are doing. If things got bad enough that you two came near breaking up, then there is something that needs to be fixed. If you try to push her too soon it could only make matters worse. Not to mention, if you don't work on fixing what is wrong, how will it ever get better?

So, for now, give her some space until she starts to feel she needs it less and less. I understand your impatience, but just do your best to be the true gentleman I am sure you can. Now, as for whatever it is that has put things between you two on the brink of explosion in the first place, it is important that you both understand what they are and both understand your own part in what caused it and your own part in what needs to be done to fix it. It is unlikely that the issues between you are solely one person's fault. You both need to work on what isn't working and what needs to be fixed.

In the end, if they are things that can be fixed, that is great. However, you two may also need to face the possibility that they are not able to be fixed. If there are things between you two that are too big to ignore, but cannot be fixed, then the best thing is to end it. It won't be easy, but you won't be happy if you try to force a relationship that no longer works.

Now, let me clarify one thing. Yes, you should be patient for now and allow her the space she wants.... but that should NOT be an indefinite arrangement. There should be some reasonable time frame within which she needs to make a decision as to whether you two will get back together or end it. She cannot string you along forever. So, if enough time passes by that you feel it is time to make a decision, that is a good time to switch from passive to firm but fair. That is a good time to tell her, in a loving and caring way, that you can't leave your life on hold anymore. That you know things won't just magically be fixed in a day and you are willing to continue working together, but that it has to be together and no longer in this uncertain sort of limbo state.

Good luck to you either way. I know how you are feeling right now, but trust me, there is not only one person who is your perfect match. As much as she may seem like your perfect match... if you two wind up breaking up, then obviously she wasn't your perfect match after all. No matter how good she may have seemed for you, there will eventually be somebody about whom you feel equally perfectly matched. I don't say that meaning to devalue the connection you and her shared. Maybe you two will wind up together after all. It's just, if things don't work out between you two, it doesn't mean you lost your chance at your soul mate, it means you haven't actually found her yet.