I don't know what I should do...

[Carlbobarl]

Ok so I'm in a new relationship with this girl.
We have been "boyfriend and girlfriend" for just under a month and dating a little longer than that.

My problem is she is not intimate at all. In pretty much every way. She doesent even like too much kissing.

I've never liked a girl so much or gotten along so well with a girl. But sometimes I go to kiss her and she just says no. I'm not going to be putting up with that, I don't like it.

Now she's also a virgin (we are both 20) and It's not in my interest to rush her into anything. But when I tried bringing up sex she said not any time soon.

Normally that's fine i understand that she'd a virgin.... but since we have been boyfriend and girlfriend she has slept over every night pretty much moved in. Some mornings I'm in such pain down there from having her cuddled up to me.

I can't rush her and I think it might be best to break it off? But I really like her so so much I don't want to break it off but it's torture. I can't put up with it very much longer.


I can't rush her. I don't want to. I wouldent even feel right, but I'm not waiting 2 or 3 months to have sex I have needs. She's not even comfortable talking about it. I'm so hurt just knowing that I probably have to break it off already. It's so new but I can't do that to myself. It's almost ruining my mood all the time. She wants me in bed with her just laying there for 7 hours a day (not including sleep ) and there's no sexual activity. She got mad when I tried to give her a hickey. She tells me no kissing. I can't take it.

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Btw I don't want to break it off at all. But I can't handle the no sexual activity. Especially with her near me pretty much 24/7

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I'm ready to just cry I'm so frustrated. I like her so much. She's going to take it the wrong way. And I don't want her to do it just because she thinks she might lose me. But I don't want to wait months and months for sex.... he'll months and months for any sexual activity. She's got a problem with kissing. And absolutely no making out. Are we 13? I just want to cry I know I'm either going to lose her or not going to be having and bed time fun forever. I don't care how I sound to some people sex is important to me.

[melancholia]

It seems you're at an impasse. You have two options: stay with her and get over the idea of having sex with her any time before she is ready. Or break up with her. Sexual compatibility is a major factor in a relationship. Since you don't want to pressure her, but you can't seem to control yourself, then you may need to call it a loss and end the relationship. Unless you can somehow suppress your desire to sleep with her until, and only until, she is ready to take it further.

How old are you two?

[Carlbobarl]

I assume you did not read the whole thing...

She sleeps here every night, that's why it's more frustrating than ir should be.

We're both 20.

I assume you didn't read the whole thing cause I stated the age.

[melancholia]

No I read the whole thing, just missed the spot where you clarified your ages. Anyway, my advice remains the same. Either end it, or be patient for her to get to a place where she's ready to have sex. There's no other way around it. If you try and talk her into doing something before she's ready to do it, it will only cause problems for both of you. You know your options, you just have to choose which one is best for you.

[Carlbobarl]

The way she talks about it...... and doesent want to talk about it..... and doesent even really want to kiss. I think I'm better off just ending it now so it doesn't have to hurt more. I just wish I knew what she was thinking. It's apparent she likes me so much but I just don't get it. I've tried telling her it's not so good an idea she sleeps in my bed with me every night but she just mutteres and says things about how she would rather sleep with me in my arms than alone. And it's like we'll what the ****. You can't even kiss me but you can invite yourself to sleep in my bed every night.

I've never liked someone so much so quickly. This is just a shitty situation. I wish I would have known before I got myself into it.

Thanks for at least answering. I wish I could take making this post back but whatever. Have a nice day

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Btw control my urges? How do I control epididmyl hypertension

[melancholia]

She is probably worried that if you two have sex, you will dump her. I'm not saying that's what you are implying, but I know it's a fear for a lot of women, especially when they are virgins and in a new relationship. However, as you've explained in your previous posts, she is completely unwilling to even discuss the topic, which is not fair to you. Of course you have needs of your own, and your needs are just as valid and important as hers. If she can't give you what you need, which is not only sex, but at least the discussion of it, and other forms of sexual intimacy at least, then you are better off splitting ways sooner rather than later.

Break ups suck, and this will suck too; but I think you're better off ending it now.

As for the epididymal hypertension? I'd suggest jerking off. Or meeting a woman who is more sexually experienced and is DTF.

[Carlbobarl]

I think part of the problem is how easy sex is for me. I've never had a problem getting laid, I know a bunch if girls who are one phone call away. But I don't want that. I want sex with some sort of feeling. But whatever I guess.

Also I don't enjoy jerking off. I get into my own head too much it's not fun it's weird I think idk lol...

I really like her. Ugh **** me right... or don't and don't tell me why not... lolol anyway ty fir the responses have a great day

[melancholia]

I think the bigger issue here is that you're sexually experienced and she's not. It's great that you want to have sex with someone you have a stronger connection with, because sex with a good foundation is always better than casual sex; but she's not in the same place as you, and she's clearly not even close to being ready. So again, you really only have one option.

Take care!

[Carlbobarl]

Well I guess so. I'm going to give her a couple days, then talk to her about it again. I'm assuming after that I will tell her basically what I said here. Then I'm assuming the break up will ensue and I will be branded shallow and a person who only cares about sex and then I will get to watch all the unfolding on social media. I didn't know what I was getting myself into with this girl. She's such a beautiful person. She says she loves me. Her parents are so happy she has me, happy she's doing something. Apparently she has spent her whole life inside her house never getting out besides school with almost no friends. I was real popular in school and I remember her being not popular at all. I actually remember thinking she was weird. But I was wrong.

What I hope is she will at least talk to me. But I'm so nervous to bring it up again. I just know I only want her. But I can't continue to have her over every night in a sexual activity free relationship. I'm not even sex crazy but no sex isint working for me. No nothing. I'm in such a bind. I don't want her parents to think I'm some evil person who just wanted to have sex with her. I don't want her to think that either. I'm not going to ignore myself for months and months though. Now when bed time comes I can't even sleep at first I have to get up and do stuff until I'm so tired I just have to sleep. It's the only way to get my mind off the angel sleeping next to me. Ugh I need a drink.

Take care

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I don't think she will ever understand. When she told me no kisses I tried playing it off as if she was kind of joking.

I said ide die without them.

She just gave me a kind of bitchy "you'll survive"

[melancholia]

You'll have to be honest with her and lay it out the same way you did here. Tell her that you respect her boundaries, but you can't stay celibate. It's not fair to try and coerce her into having sex before she's ready, so what other options do you have? She may paint you as a sex crazed a$$hole, and her parents may agree with her, but you know you're truth and you know what's best for you. If being with someone who cannot give you what you need, sexually, emotionally, or otherwise, then your only option is to end the relationship. If you're worried about what gets said on social media, then block her from social media and you won't have to see it. I highly doubt she will do that though, as long as you do your best to be respectful while you are talking to her. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but if you try to talk to her about it in a calm way, without using judgmental or critical language and you use "I feel" statements, and she still is unwilling to budge on the subject, then I can't see you getting anywhere.

Let us know how things go. If you need suggestions on how to bring up the conversation again, you know where to ask!

[Carlbobarl]

I don't know why. I hadn't mentioned anything to her yet. I went down stairs during a movie and came back up and she was ready to go. It was incredible. It wasn't just having sex it was more. I know she's mine. She is the person that was made for me. I know it hasn't been long but I've had long relationships, I've always been the kind of person to take dating seriously even as a kid (15-16). I knew right when I saw her that she was mine. I can't believe it happened. Km not giving much detail but I thought I would share.

Side note- this is the first girl I've ever fallen for in any sort of way- I'm not making this up, although it seems too good to be true, it was kindergarten when I first started passing notes to her. It was that way until second grade until I invited her to my birthday and she didn't show lol:p.

We hadn't talked since until recently.

I think I love her but I can't just say thag right after we did it I don't want her to think that's why. I should wait a day or two to tell her that. I want to tell her first.

Thank you for listening and not just throwing me under the bus as a dog. She's special and I want to keep her.