Confused and miserable

[dech302]

I'll make it as short as possible:

Were both in our late 20's

We met 3 years back and it was a long distance relationship for a small part of the relationship.

We both were on a rollercoaster where as we would hardly be on the same page at once. I loved her more and she never appreciated me or she loved me more and I never appreciated her.

It would seem we argued more on the phone than we did in person, we were great together when in person for most part of the relation. She went home for the summer (Western Canada) and we would talk, so one day we got into a big argument over something I can't even remember. I wrote her an email that I wanted to break up, 2 days later I called her back and said I was sorry and I wanted to get back. She said she didn't know what she wanted and would let me know when she got back. When she got back she was still like I don't know what I want, I need some time. And a few days later she told me that she was no longer in love with me. I was like give me one more chance but she said you are never going to change and no I am not going to give you any more chances.

Since she had been back we got together like 5 or 6 times. I asked her how am I now, she was like why couldn't I have been like this before and said sometimes it’s too late.

She said she values my friendship and I am her best friend, but how can I be her friend if I am still in love with her.

I told her that I want a committed relationship from her but she is reluctant in giving me a second chance. Her friends have put in her mind that there might be someone better out there for her since I was her first love and she might not realize what she has or can get.

I know that she has gone out with another guy and it didn't work out. She even told me it is like some test to figure out what she wants.

She still wants me to be a part of her life as her friend. If I remain her friend it will only make me miss her more and want to be with her. I do love her so much and I know I can make her happy. At this moment I am miserable and I know time is the only thing that helps.

But why does she say that if I think with my heart I would give you a second chance, but I am thinking with my mind and I don't want to give you a chance.

When ever we got together we would make out and stuff, but how can she say we are just friends and then give me all these mixed signals.

She still calls me even though I have cut off all contact with her. I did answer her today and I told her to stop calling me and it was unfair for her to do that since I still have such strong feelings for her.

What should I do?

I want her back more than ever, but how?

[Ellynn]

Shes messing with you...... Honestly I think since you hurt her so much by breaking up with her....out of the blue........she is now confused and wants to get back with you...but is afraid that the next time you two have a fight, your gonna break up with her again.

To me, it sounds like you cannot handle friendship....or at least the friendship that she wants to have with you....with the making out etc. I say cut it off for awhile. Let her have some time to think.....

In the meantime keep your options open. There are other women. If she wants you....she knows where to find you...... Then its up to you if you want to deal with the games...

[dech302]

Thank you Ellynn for the advice, I was thinking of continuing my no contact and just improving myself.

The only thing that I am a bit bothered with is when I told her to stop calling me and it was unfair for her to do that since I still have such strong feelings for her. She then said ok, I won't call you again and she said bye, I never said a word.

She has always called me, I never do since after breaking up.

I am actually seeing new people too, its only fair that I move on with my life. She knows I am going to be gone away for 6 months real soon (Police training) and she said that she wanted to spend as much time with me as possible before I leave. What if this no contact lasts for the next 2 months and then I am gone for training for 6 months. I wont be back until end of summer.

Should I call her or even meet her before I go, or just let her keep wondering what I am doing. I don't want her to hate me for not showing a bit of respect before I leave.

[Ellynn]

You can meet up with her if you really want. More then likely she will end up making out with you and things won't change. You will still be "friends" in her book. Then when your gone.....don't be surprised if she dates someone else or hooks up with someone else while your gone. When you come back....things could be all together different.... She may be in a relationship with someone else.....and honestly if you have high expectations by hanging out with her before going away....then your just setting yourself up to get hurt.

Honestly its up to you. You can choose to ignore her and move on. Or you can hang out with her.....but don't get your hopes up. This girl obviously is confused about what she really wants......plus your going away for 6 months. Things change in that time. So if you want to hang out and just have fun with no expectations....fine....if you can handle that. If not....then I suggest to cut your losses now....and move on.

[TAVS]

Ditch the friendship and move on. This isnt going to effect your life in any positive way

[Rosebud]

Most of the time when someone says they don't know what they want but yet they still call you and make out with you it's because they want to be with you but still see what else is out there at the same time. So, I think if you don't want to continue to hurt over this you should keep dating other people and just see what happens. You can't change anyone else or how they think. If it's meant to be it will be!

[RuntimeError]

dech302, In my personal opion when someone gives you these types of cop out reasons any of them, includeing "the I need time" bs. This is a polite way of saying no I don't want to be with you, they just don't want to say no so they don't hurt your feelings. In my own personal experience and I have read alot of others where the girl will say that one of the many famous reasons("it's not you", "I need time", "I need space")and then within a couple days she is in the sack with someone new and in "love". We are all human and we will take what we want, point blank. If a girl really wants to be with you then she will and if she dosen't, don't wait or hang around you will only hurt your self, I know I did it. I think you are doing great hanging out with other woman seeing what else is out there, try to solidify the idea of her not comming back, then if she dosen't, it's not a big deal and if she does great and you can choose. Good Luck.

[pepsi55]

Its over move on she aint worth the thought she is mesing with your head!

If she wants you back then let her say the words (Can we try again) if not find someone who wants you!

[Lloyd95]

We both were on a rollercoaster

I love rollercoasters! Particularly the old style wooden ones; that go "clackity clack". Not so much the ones that loop upside down, as too many rides on those may make me sick. I also like sitting in the back for some reason; everyone likes the front car...not me....the back is where it's at. I hate the end of the ride though...you know....when it stops suddenly...

[Tone]

I like the 200ft vertical drops.

I haven't been to a theme park in a couple years... I wanna go. Now. Who's with me?!

[Junsui]

I like the back of a roller coaster too! It's usually faster or at least in my head I think it is. I haven't been to Six Flags in years, I need to go back.

[Tone]

Hey did I tell you guys the story of when me and my friend got stuck upside down at Knottsberry Farm in California?

Here's another for you - on that same vacation we went to Universal Studios Hollywood and there was this awesome Jurassic Park ride, anyone ever been there and on it? Oh man it was so fun... we waited in line for an hour and a half in the heat... it was so worth it... Anyways around 9 or 10 when the park was gettin ready to close - there was NO LINE and me and my 2 friends went on the ride over and over and over... I mean we went on it close to 15 times just over and over it was so fun. And there were these 2 hot chicks that came on one time and it was just the 5 of us and they sat with us... they were hittin on me and my (gay) friend... I wish I was as smooth back then as I am now.. but then again I had a girl back home I was workin on (who I did end up datin) so she was on my mind ;p

[Junsui]

What a great story! I thought it was going to have something to do with the ride getting stuck or something.

[shh!]

I'm with you, Lloyd. Wooden rollercoasters are fun. Some of the newer ones are too high and fast to be fun; they are just scary. (We live very close to Magic Mountain.)

[Tone]

I've been to Magic Mountain! Back when I was 8 though, visitin mi papi.

No I think I already told that story here before Junsui.

Edit: Yup found it - [url]http://www.loveforum.net/showthread.php?t=9279[/url]