Found out my GF of 2 years was a call girl, also she's pregnant, need advice please

[Domenik]

...and yes, the baby is mine. (i'm doing a DNA test anyway just for the sake of my mental health)

I found out a month ago and I'm still devastated.

How do I start? Well...I'm 27 and she's 24, we started dating 2 / half years ago, back then we both recently finished our long term relationships with our ex's, it was a coincidence because we both had a 6 years relationship with our past couples and finished it almost at the same time, so we started dating and everything was great, we didn't want to fell in love so we just had casual sexual encounters each friday, later we started having dinner together, movies, etc...we fell in love and asked her to be my GF 5 months after we started dating.

Additional fact: she has a 4 year old son, she NEVER wanted me as his kid father, but the kid himself asked me if I wanted to be his father (after 2 years of dating his mom) so how could I say no?

We had 2 amazing years, the best years of my life, she was the woman I wanted to marry, she's VERY intelligent, she's a passionate reader and writer, she's gorgeous...oh man yes she is, our sex life is awesome, she loves me a lot, she's always been there in my sickness, when I was unemployed and needed money for my skin treatment (i have eczema), she's been always there, in every situation good or bad.

A year ago we moved in together, I finally got a job and we started splitting bills but she always paid more than me

Another fact: she told me she was working in a small construction company, her job was closing projects with customers, she keeps telling me that job was real but she needed an extra income being an "escort" (prostitute...)

So, months after we moved in together I started to notice her more worried about money, somehow she was no longer getting paid enough...so I srated being suspicious...a month ago one of her friends (a girl that i never meet before) came to our house and called her by a diferent name and BOOM! I realized there was something wrong and started my research, later i found her pictures in a private group of my hometown in internet, an escorts group...damn...I was dead inside.

I immediately confronted her, she was in shock, she couldn't believe i discovered her, she started lying about it, that she "quit a long time ago but the pictures were still there" "I quit when i fell in love with you" "if you call they will send another girl that looks like me" and more and more bullshit...

I kicked her out of my house but she has no place to go, her parents can't mantain her and she's unemployed now (the company where she used to work "went banktrupcy" and lost her job in October last year and couldn't find a new one due to pregnancy) I had no other choice but accept her back, being honest I wanted it because I still love her so much, It's incredible I know but god damn I really love this woman.

All this past month we've been trying to work things out, she's doing all she can to have my trust back, she's really trying her best, she apologized and show real remorse, she was a desperate single mom that needed the money, but I can't stop feeling betrayed, blind and stupid for not discovering this shit before.

She said she quited from that job for good and would never go back, she's planning to sell imported products from our house and later renting a commercial local (she's very enthusiastic about it), she wants a normal life but I'm so confused, I really love this woman, I really want things to work out, and the most important I really want to trust her again...but right now i can't

Everything was progressing fine, but 2 days ago I found out she used to have a man that paid her monthly, like a salary...obviously for regular sex, this killed me again, when I asked her she didn't accept it and i have no proof about it, I feel there's more details but she won't talk to me about it and I can't stop dwelling more and more...i'm getting very paranoid

About the baby, she said she's 100% sure is mine, we discussed and she has no problem if I make a DNA test which I will for sure...

Another fact: we'll start going to couple therapy in a few days, this will be my last try

Sorry for the long post, any advice will be appreciated.

And sorry for my english, is not my mother tongue.

[melancholia]

Were you aware of the fact that she was an escort before you got together, or was this a completely new discovery after you two moved in together?

[Domenik]

Were you aware of the fact that she was an escort before you got together, or was this a completely new discovery after you two moved in together?

I discovered after we moved in together, even worse...I discovered after I impregnated her

[melancholia]

Hmm... well I am someone who believes that the sex trade can be a positive thing for people. I volunteered with women in the sex trade for 1.5 years, and can see how it can be beneficial for some people. Having said that, I am aware there is still such a stigma surrounding it as a career choice, and I can understand how difficult it would be for you to wrap your head around it. It would be different if you had known all along, and I can even see why she would have hid it from you, because of the fear of judgment and losing you... but it still doesn't make it right.

I think couples counseling will be really beneficial for both of you. Counseling helps, as long as you are both willing to put equal effort in to trying to understand each other. The help of a professional, who is equipped at handling scenarios like this will greatly improve your chances of moving past this and getting to a place where you can trust her and be happy again.

I hope everything works out for you. I don't have much advice to offer at this point, as it sounds like you are trying to be understanding of her situation, you are trying to be there for her, and your (potential) unborn child. Know that your feelings are valid, and that they aren't wrong. But keep in mind that our reaction to negative emotions can manifest in unhealthy ways. You need to keep your own interests and happiness as a priority, and be aware that if this does become too much for you to handle, and you choose to opt out of the relationship, that if it's the right move for your overall well being, then that's OK too.

Best of luck to you.

[Domenik]

Hmm... well I am someone who believes that the sex trade can be a positive thing for people. I volunteered with women in the sex trade for 1.5 years, and can see how it can be beneficial for some people. Having said that, I am aware there is still such a stigma surrounding it as a career choice, and I can understand how difficult it would be for you to wrap your head around it. It would be different if you had known all along, and I can even see why she would have hid it from you, because of the fear of judgment and losing you... but it still doesn't make it right.

I think couples counseling will be really beneficial for both of you. Counseling helps, as long as you are both willing to put equal effort in to trying to understand each other. The help of a professional, who is equipped at handling scenarios like this will greatly improve your chances of moving past this and getting to a place where you can trust her and be happy again.

I hope everything works out for you. I don't have much advice to offer at this point, as it sounds like you are trying to be understanding of her situation, you are trying to be there for her, and your (potential) unborn child. Know that your feelings are valid, and that they aren't wrong. But keep in mind that our reaction to negative emotions can manifest in unhealthy ways. You need to keep your own interests and happiness as a priority, and be aware that if this does become too much for you to handle, and you choose to opt out of the relationship, that if it's the right move for your overall well being, then that's OK too.

Best of luck to you.

Thank you for your words, I really appreciate it.

[bloodtippedrose]

I don't blame you for feeling hurt, she didn't tell you the truth for so long. It feels like being lied to and being cheated on. She doesn't sound like a bad person, being a single mom she probably found this as a good way to be independent and was embarrassed letting ANYONE know the truth. And if they actually did keep her picture up and send out other girls after she left, she is probably quite good looking and got substantial income. She needs to learn that is is okay to depend on other people, that she can open up fully to you, and that there are other jobs out there, and if you want to stay with her you're going to have to learn to trust her all over again. Not an easy feat, but getting the DNA test and you both going to therapy and sticking with it when it gets tough, is the only way to get through this. Tell your therapist everything, even whats embarrassing. If I were you I would ask her before you go to therapy, if there is anything else she needs to tell you, so you guys can start on a fresh slate. Good luck!

[Domenik]

She needs to learn that is is okay to depend on other people, that she can open up fully to you, and that there are other jobs out there, and if you want to stay with her you're going to have to learn to trust her all over again.

You know, she's been alone since she was 15, her parents couldn't support her, not even with education, and what you're saying is 100% true, she doesn't know what it feels to be supported by anyone else but herself, i mean that's ok and I can understand because when we started dating I was unemployed, but right now I have a job, im not rich but I can give her a hand until she finds another job (a legit one...) a good thing is that she doesn't want to go back into escorting, she wants a normal job, we're even planning to start our own bussiness from home.

About trusting her again, that's going to be hard...really hard, she completely destroyed my trust, I still love her and i'm about to become a father in about in less than 2 months, and for those 2 reasons i'll try therapy, I'll follow your advice and ask her if she wants to start it first (i remember about 10 months ago she commented me that she needed psychological therapy because "there was something wrong with her" but she never wanted to tell me the reason...now I know why...)

Thank you so much for your reply