The "teacher"

[GoldenGlid]

Hello, i wanted to talk about something that's really driving me crazy lately!
Please i ask you to not judge me, that's not something i asked or looked for.
I am a university student, freshman (i'm 20). I love what i study and attending university has always been my biggest dream (i'm from Italy, education is a little bit different here). So, you may be asking where's the problem. In the second part of the semester there's a class and it is kept by a teacher i adore.
I always attended his classes, i've never had any problem until, one day, he was replaced by his assistent (who is a 27-35 year old person who already graduated and it's following a "specialization")
The first moment i saw him i immediately felt super attracted to him, but i basically did not pay so much attention to that.
Well, in june i did the exam (oral) and guess what? he was the one who examined me, and he gave me 30 (which is the max). The fact is that i just can't stop thinking about him now, you have no idea how much sexually attracted i feel, i can't shut down this hard feeling. He was kind and sweet to me, he also made up a joke and my face turned red so bad! I don't know what to do, i think about him everyday, i can't study, i can't concentrate, i can barely eat! I just wanna see him! I know it can sound like i'm some kind of stupid high school girl with a stupid crush, but trust me, it's making my life impossible!I went to see other students being examined by him, and he just couldn't stop looking at me the whole time.
Sorry if i say that, but he makes me so damn horny that sleeping with him would be enough to calm me down, i do not care, i have to do something because i can't do this anymore, guys, i'm getting crazy! I talked to him once about the examhe was super cute the whole time, i know it doesn't mean anything and it's probably his attitude, but when he tocuhed me i swear i got so damn wet i had to go away because i couldn't handle being next to him anymore! I don't know why he makes me feel like that, i just know that i want to have really hot sex with me, like super animal sex.I don't even know his name! I'd really like to "approach" but 1) it wouldn't be ethically correct, 2) he's much older then me, 30 3) i'm super shy and i'll never find the courage! What do i have to do? Omg help me i can't handle this situation anymore! When he looks at me like THAT it makes me think that maybe he feels the same about me... but he's almost a teacher, a pesudo one, he has just started his career, why would he ruin that by screwing a student?

[Mech Mushroom]

Wow, you're in a predicament!

No judgements from me, I can assure you, I'm pretty sure every student has seen at least one attractive teacher out there

First off, just because he's a teacher doesn't mean you can't pursue a relationship. Now I do have some Italian friends, but they've lived in Africa most of their life, so they're probably more African than Italian, so I while I'm slightly familiar with Italian culture, I can't honestly say I understand it very well at all. That being said, to my understanding, a relationship between a student and a teacher might look kind of... odd... in some people's eyes, I think a lot of people either don't care or might even look up to that. That being said, a sexual relationship might not quite be the best option there.... I understand he turns you on quite a bit, which is normal for men and women, however that doesn't mean you have to have sex. If it's truly him that you desire, a relationship in where the max, as you might put it, would be making out, that is something a lot more socially acceptable, however a sexual relationship between student and teacher is most likely to be frowned upon.
Now taking into account his age, you are twenty, I understand, but you don't know his exact age? I mean, if he's 27, that's not too bad, but if you're wanting to have a relationship with someone fifteen years older than you, that might look a bit weird to some people. I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, but I definitely could not say it's a common thing. (I do have a friend whose parents are 25 years apart!).

Aside from the morality of the issue, the emotional side of everything is also important. Now know it seems like he might have feelings for you as well, and I'm not saying it doesn't, but typically whenever you find yourself crushing on someone else, it pretty much always seems to be like the someone else might have interest in you back. Again, now to say he doesn't have feelings for you, but perhaps he really was just impressed with your exam and you did deserve full marks? However, if he does have interest in you, "honesty is the best policy". I'm sure you've heard it a billion times, but confronting him and telling him how you feel can work wonders, especially when the person you're talking to is a bit older than a high school boy, haha. Admittedly. a high school boy might not take to that very well, but purely just judging off of how he is a grown man in pursuit of a teaching career, he must be pretty well set on his feet in terms of maturity, meaning he'd most likely take I well if you told him in the correct way. I don't mean to assume you would do this, but if you were really nervous and kind of "high school girly" towards him when you tell him how you feel, it would be offsetting to him most likely. But if you told him what you honestly think about him, perhaps if you see him as "a very handsome man" or perhaps "very respectable" and "kind", then he might feel much more free to say how he feels, whether it be good or bad. To sum it all up, if you told him how you feel in a very mature way, he's almost obligated to respond in a very mature way. Could the chance that he might reject you, he wouldn't do in a heartbreaking way, I'm sure. But again, I'm not assuming he would say no.

So far all my advice has been to do something very up front, however my ultimate advice is that nothing will happen if you don't do anything!
If you sit and wait for something to happen, nothing will and it will just torture you for days on end, as it seems it is now. Since he is a teacher, or almost one, it isn't likely that he will approach you first!

If you don't like any of my advice, please feel free to ignore it, it is just what I think you should do.
Best of luck though, I really hope this helps!

[GoldenGlid]

Hi, thanks for your answer
First of all let me say that he’s not a real teacher, I don’t how to explain that, he’s just a guy who “helps”, but we treat him as a teacher, because he also do exams. There are a lot of people like him, but they’re more… “cold”, I guess, not so kind and you can’t really talk to them like they were your classmates. I mean, they’re not, but neither they are teacher!
Yes, my guess is that he’s 30, I mean he looks like 30, but not older I hope! I mean, it’s not just the problem that I’m “his” student (but not really as you understand), it’s also because we are 10 years apart! Guess your friends parents did not have that Teacher-student “thing”.
I mean you’re right, we could just kiss but I think it wouldn’t be enough, we’re young adults, we have some… needs, I guess. I couldn’t just kiss him and be with him in a “pure” way, I need to do something because my attraction is pretty much sexual, such a strong attraction I can’t even be next to him without feeling in a certain way!
I know that society wouldn’t approve, I know he risks his carreer, and I really don’t wanna cause any trouble, because if something like this would come out, that would be worse for him. Me? Not so many trouble I guess, but his situation is different.
You say I should just tell him, but I do not have the courage, we’re not so friendly with each other, I can barely say hello when I see him, but he always smile at me and GOD I feel like there’s so much sexual tension everything is gonna blow up!
I mean, I should just go tell him i… appreciate him as a person? Because I guess I cannot tell him I’d **** the shit out of him.
I’m mature for a 20 years old, but what if he doesn’t see me like that? Maybe for him I’m nothing that just a student, but why does he keep looking at me like that?
And you’re right, he’s not gonna make the first move, but I don’t really wanna bother him with this “stupid high school girl crush”.
I don’t know what to do, maybe forget him but I just can’t, when I see him my legs feel like jellies!

[Mech Mushroom]

If he is what I think he is, over here in America we call them "teacher's aids", and they're basically like the teacher themselves but don't do most of the teaching.

I really don't think ten years apart is all that bad, especially the older you get. You don't really care as much for the age as when you're younger, it then becomes more of a personality and perhaps good looks kind of deal, haha.

My point of not pursuing a sexual relationship wasn't quite that it was wrong per se, but more that in the eyes of many others it wouldn't look good, especially when people look at a teacher's aid. If you really do find interest in this guy, you would want the best for him, right? From what I can see, you do care for how his life turns out because you're taking into account what a sexual relationship might do to his career, and that is a mature thing to think of. The whole sex thing, however, I would leave up to him deciding if he wanted to have it rather than you trying to get him to, because after all, having sex with him won't ruin [I]your[I] career, only his. If he's willing to make the potential sacrifice, that's on him. But jumping straight into sex, I don't think that would be quite wise. You would have to get into a relationship first.

I'm going through a pretty tough time in my life right now as well, and what really gets me through it actually from this Indian kid that I knew a year back who was just one of the dumbest kids I know, haha. But I've never forgotten his words, "just take life's big adventure one step at a time". The only way to complete a journey is to take that one step, then another, then another. So if right now the only thing you can really do is say "hello", then say "hello" a few times when you see him. The more you do something like that, the more comfortable you'll begin to feel around him, and hopefully you won't get as wet just saying "hello" hahaha. But eventually, you'll be able to have a conversation with him, and more conversations with him and see how it goes from there.

I guess from what I said earlier about confessing how you feel in a straight forward way isn't the only way to do it, and as it looks from your reaction, you don't quite know how you'd be able to go through that, haha. My second suggestion would be after being able to have a good conversation with him (I would say a good 5-10 minute conversation easily), find a topic you want to talk about and ask him if he'd like to go out for coffee just the two of you and discuss the topic. Really, it doesn't have to be one topic and it doesn't really matter what the one topic is (well, I guess it matters a little bit, like you said, don't tell him you want to screw him over hahaha), but as long as you talk throughout the date, that's really good. If he gives some indication that he had fun, then that's a thumbs up for asking him again a couple week later. Try to take it a bit slow at the beginning as to not overwhelm him. After all, is a teacher's aid, not a student.

[GoldenGlid]

They’re not really “teachers”, the do teach but only when the “real” teacher is busy, and they can do exams, but they’re pretty much younger than teachers ( I already said they’re like 27-20 or even 25)
I don’t know, for me all these years apart are not a problem, but that’s my opinion. What does he think about that? I don’t really think he would be with a 20 years old girl who just graduated from high school!
I agree with you, sex relationships of this kind are not really “accepted”, but I think that starting a relationship would involve sex too, I mean we can’t be together and not have sex, that would be like being brother and sister! I’m worried about his career, I don’t really want to make him do something he will regret, because this whole thing could really ruin his career. And I think that being in a relationship would make people think we have sex anyway, or at least that’s what happen normally when being in a couple. I guess it would be a scandal anyway, having sex or not, because people will assume that we have sex.
I think I’ll meet him on Friday, I hope! So I should just say hello, I mean that’s pretty normal to say hello because he’s a “teacher “ after all. Maybe one day I’ll have the guts to start a conversation with him without having my voice shaking or my face turning red ahahaha
Wouldn’t be a little inopportune to ask him out? I mean even if it’s not a real date but I guess he’s not stupid and he will figure it out that my interest is not only academic… I mean, I don’t know how he could react, but he doesn’t seem to be that “rules obsessed” type! Yeah, he’s not a student unfortunately

[Mech Mushroom]

Haha, if you do get into a relationship, you should let sex come later. A relationship doesn't meant having sex, although it can include it, I suppose. If you're not having sex in a relationship, it's not like brother and sister, most brothers and sisters don't make out very often.... Or at least mine don't hahaha.

I wouldn't know if he care much about age much, it's different with all men. That usually depends on how old they are. The older they are, the less they care about age, but that's a generalization.

But even if you did end up having sex, it doesn't mean other people have to know. They might assume it, but my suggestion would be to never admit it, that could ruin his career. If you save your cuddling and flirting and all that for when you're in private, then people will assume you are a reserved couple and might not think you have sex. I did that with my girlfriend and nobody even thought we kissed, haha. I hardly ever even held her hand in public. That was mostly her, though, she was very shy and didn't like "PDA" haha.

I wouldn't ask him out right away, I would see if I could talk to him easily first. If you're shaking in your shoes trying to ask him out, there's less of a chance he'll say yes. You need to first be able to hold a conversation with him for some time, maybe five or ten minutes. After you can do that without turning red or shaking, then you can ask him out. Remember, the key to a good relationship is baby steps. Start with "hello" and the next time add in "how are you?" and after that ask about him, maybe how old he is or if he has family, where he's from. There's an endless supply of questions.

It's okay if he sees that you kinda like him if you ask him out to coffee, that would be the first thought that would pop into my head if a girl asked me out to coffee.

Most men like a girl who is confident but not boastful, one who isn't super super shy (to me it doesn't seem like you are very very shy), a girl who knows how to have fun. And having fun isn't just dancing and drinking or whatever (not assuming you only do that for fun), but like if he likes video games or something, a girl who would be a good sport and play a little bit even he she sucks. He might make fun of her for sucking, but that's part of the fun. Or maybe someone who likes picnics or hiking or so many other things. It's the creative things that are fun. Smile a lot and be happy for who you are