Complicated Love Triangle- Please help

[Marksmith1]

Hi

I was hoping to get your advice on a very complicated relationship.

I was dating a girl for several months. We are both in our 30s. She had left her boyfriend of 10 years for me. They had lived together for 8 years. When we got together, she moved into her own place and everything started off great. However, over the past few months, there were a lot of fights caused by work, travel and other external factors. We are both very strong minded and we sometimes clashed. I understand her ex boyfriend of 10 years was very mild natured and never spoke back to her. Anyway, I broke it off with her recently as she seemed to be causing arguments for the sake of it. Right after this, her ex boyfriend found out I had been dating her and broke down. He threatened suicide etc if she never came back to him. As I had broken up with her at this stage, she did go back to him after seeing the condition he was in. She is still there now with him. I recently learned that she had been telling her ex boyfriend thoroughout our relationship that they "could" get back together again and that's the reason he took it so bad. He honestly thought there was a chance with her again even though we had been going out. I was understandably very hurt when I heard she had told him this. She said she only told him this just because of him being suicidal when she wouldn't go back to him during our relationship. She said it would have killed him if she had cut all ties with him when we got together.

She appeared to always compare me to him- her ex is the nice mild natured, mannered man. Never vervally but I knew she did. It was like a pink elephant in the room of our relationship. I feel I am a kind, loving and honest man but I am nothing like this perfect choirboy of an ex. I still love her and I know she loves me. She told me she has feelings for this ex but not as strong as the feelings she has for me. I feel there is huge chemistry between us and she agrees. She said she didn't have this connection with her ex ever. However, she says everything with him is easier- no fights, no tempers etc. I don't start arguments. I'm just not a walk-over like her ex/current boyfriend. I feel her future life with her ex would be easy, simple but no passion. With me on the otherhand, there may be sparks along the way like any relationship but there would also be a lot of love and passion.

She said she will come back to me if her ex gets his head together and stops talking about doing something to himself. She says it is the guilt keeping her there with him. I think she is unsure if we could work out in the long term. It worked with her ex for 10 years and I think she is afraid to take a chance with me.

I really love this girl. What should I do? I know a lot of people will say she wants her cake and eat it. But it is not that simple. I speak to her every day and she is in bits every time saying she loves me.

Please help.

[Passions]

Sorry to hear your going through this. I would say stick with her if u love her. You know she's not in love with the ex. Support her and help her find him mental health counselling. There are online or dvd sets for depression. You need to help her to help him ASAP!! It may take awhile for her to leave him..until she knows he's safe. So the sooner he is mentally strong the sooner she will leave him. But don't wait too long. Your happiness is top priority!!

[Marksmith1]

She tells me she loves her ex but as a very very good friend. She is worried about him especially as he is talking about self harm if she leaves him. She is not sleeping with him or kissed him. She says she is just trying to be there for him as he us very very depressed. However, she is asking me what I want but it is not that simple. I just want her and no-one else but her ex is always going to be there either in the background in her mind or telling her by phone that he needs her back. As I love her, I want the best for her if it is with me or her ex. However, I want her and she wants me but our relationship is not as "peaceful" as her relationship with her ex. My biggest fear is guilt that if she came left her ex AGAIN, came back to me and we didn't work out. I would have destroyed her life with Mr Nice and the thought of that is unbearable. In any relationship, both people should severe ties with the person they have broken up with. I did but she doesn't seem to be able to. If we argue, I know she thinks that her ex wouldn't have done or said what I said as he is so passive. It makes me paranoid and causes her to doubt our relationship.

I have never been in a predicament like this. My heart is breaking. I can't eat, sleep or function at work. What can I do??