Should I friendzone myself with my ex?

[Littlerooster]

My ex and I have been apart for almost 6 months, we've had our ups and downs in that time, I've twice done 30 days NC and she got back in touch both times. Recently she got back in touch and we've been speaking near enough every day. The conversations are sometimes quite standard and other times some flirtation and she shows signs of jealousy, too when I say I've been out to a club or speaking to a girl, etc.

I asked her a couple of days ago where she saw things going and she quickly friendzoned me. I think I scared her off by being too forward and I told her I didn't want to 'just be friends' and she suggested that we didn't carry on speaking because we want different things.

I regret the decision and want to speak to her again. Should I friendzone myself and keep things friendly with the hope that one day things will change? Or do you think I should cut her out of my life completely and move on?

[TheEvilJester]

It sort of depends on a lot of factors. As a general rule of thumb, though, I tend to say your ex is your ex for a reason. Honestly, it is almost never a good idea to get back with an ex. After all, why would it work now when it obviously didn't before?

That doesn't mean it never works. There are a few situations where it could make sense to try again with an ex. One example would be if it was extenuating circumstances that caused the break-up rather than any actual problems. For example, one of you moved a great distance away and the two of you just couldn't see doing the long distance thing. Or one person was busy with school or starting up their career or something and didn't have time for a relationship.... but they feel like they do now.

Beyond things like that, if a relationship actually did end due to problems/it didn't work out, then the only way it makes any sense to try again is if the things that broke you up in the first place have changed. In your case, you say it has been 6 months you two have been broken up. So, if your break up was due to things that did not work between you two, I highly doubt anything could have changed in 6 months. Again, not like it is impossible, but it is very unlikely anything could have changed that quickly.

Anyway, no matter the case, it sounds like she is NOT interested in trying again. She came right out and said she only wants to be friends. Even such to the point that when you made it clear you didn't want that, she suggested you two cease contact. Again, it isn't like it is 100% impossible that could ever change.... but it is highly unlikely. More often than not, if a woman decides they are not interested in somebody as more than friends, that is not going to change.

So, I would not personally recommend you remain her friend just hoping if you wait around long enough it will change. I suggest you only remain friends with her if you truly feel you can be okay with being just her friend. If you can be her friend with the assumption that is all it will ever be, and then you can also pursue other relationships happily, then maybe you consider being just her friend. Hell, you never know what could happen down the road. On the other hand, though, if being her friend will just make it too hard not to want more, then you would just be better off moving on.

Good luck to you either way. Whatever you do decide, I hope it works out for the best.

[melancholia]

Don't kid yourself and think you can be friends with her. You flat out said you didn't want to be friends with her, so your intentions aren't strictly platonic at this point. You want to be friends with her in the hope that she will change her mind and want to be with you again. I'd say find new friends and move on.