Sexting

[Stephkm]

Quick back story. My bf and I were seeing each other on and off for a bit. During one of the very off times, I slept with someone else twice. He felt that this was cheating but since we were not together, I did not. Previous to us dating, he slept with a close female friend of mine. I wouldn't have cared but they lied to me about it despite my asking and continued to hang out. My bf and I got much more serious but he was having a very hard time getting over the guy I slept with. I thought things were great. We moved in together, put an offer in on a house, and were trying to get pregnant. Something felt off, so I checked his phone. He gave me the password and said I was welcome to it anytime. I found messages over a month time asking a female if she wanted to have sex with him and saying he wold send her pics of him and pay her rent since she had no where to stay. He was texting her while we were trying to have a baby. He said it was a dumb mistake and he had just been mad all month about the guy I slept with awhile ago. Should I forgive him or is he just sorry he got caught?

[TheEvilJester]

I mean, none of us can really know that for sure. All I can say is that definitely sounds like BS to me. You two are moving in together, trying to have a baby, and yet he spends A MONTH trying to get with some other gal? That does NOT suggest somebody who reacted badly to being upset and made a little "whoopsy." That suggests blatant planning. You say he tried FOR A MONTH to get this girl to sleep with him.

You know what? I'll play Devil's advocate here. For a moment let's pretend that actually IS true. Let's pretend he didn't mean to hurt you/doesn't really mean to cheat.... but he did so out of hurt over your situation.

Even if you give him the benefit of the doubt on that.... does that really sound like the kind of maturity level you want in a partner? Much less the father of your children? Instead of talking to you about his feelings, he goes behind your back to cheat on you.... albeit while you two are moving forward with your relationship and even trying to have children?!

To be honest, I can't see ANY reasonable explanation for his behavior that would make it in the least bit okay or even forgivable. Maybe I'm overreacting, I don't know.... but it sure doesn't seem that way to me. But, that would certainly have to be your decision. If you do feel there is something worth trying to salvage in the relationship, that is up to you. The only thing I'd suggest if you do decide to try to make it work is to please not let your guard down too much. You need to have a breaking point, preferably a reasonable one, where enough is just enough.

[melancholia]

Why would you want to have a baby with someone if your relationship is so rocky? This doesn't sound like a salvageable relationship to me. Both of you have hurt each other and you aren't willing to dig deep and really fix the root of your underlying problems. If you have a baby together, you will bring that child into a household with parents who can't get their sh.it together. Sort your issues out first, and if you can make it work and rebuild your relationship back up to a healthy place - that is great. But if you can't, and you wind up breaking up, then that's OK too; but do not have a baby together until you've sorted this out. That is a recipe for disaster.