What do I do now?

[Brokenheart16]

I was dating someone for about 7 months and back in May we both had things going on Mother's Day, her reuniting with a best friend and we used to spend just about every weekend together. Well 3 weeks weeks went by without seeing one another. Then one day she told me she would call back and never did. I finally reached out to her and she told me she finds herself getting lost when it comes to dating/being in relationships and wants to put herself first. I know her last relationship was hurtful. I'm very heartbroken behind it all because we had endless fun together, we laughed, cooked, shopped, pretty much did everything together and it all stopped. We always encouraged one another to be better in life. She even told me I had a pure genuine heart, I guess I'm wondering why would you want to lose that? I'm wondering do I let it go, do I prove I'm not like the rest and reassure her of that or what? Thanks in advance

[TheEvilJester]

In a situation like this, I think my normal advice would be to talk it out with her. To get an idea if she may just be freaking out and you two can talk it out and realize that you do have something worth trying to keep. Even then, though, my advice would be not to wait around for too long. She'd need to decide at some point if you are worthy of trust. It wouldn't be fair to you to keep you in limbo forever wondering if she can trust you enough to move forward.

In your specific case, though, I don't know. Honestly, my gut reaction to your story is, instead, that maybe you should just move on. I mean, she ditches you for THREE WEEKS without so much as a word? I mean, sure, you could have reached out in those three weeks as well, but that doesn't change the fact that she avoided you for three weeks.

Then it sounds like you basically had to chase her down just to get any response from her. Personally, if it were me, that would make me feel like she'd made her decision already and she never deserved me in the first place anyway if she could toss me aside so easily. My gut reaction would be to say to her something like "Well, thanks for giving me the chance to prove to you that I could have been different. Maybe you'd have been right and we wouldn't have worked out, and fine, then we end things. But, maybe I could have turned out to be the best thing ever to happen to you.... but you'll never know now because I deserve better than somebody who would cast me aside so easily."

Frankly, though, I've been mistreated far too much in my past (and not just as it relates to love) to trust people, or to let people use/hurt me. So, maybe my reaction is colored a little too bit by my own personal experiences. If you feel there was something worth saving, then maybe you at least give it a try. Talk to her about it and hopefully she would realize that you are worth at least a chance. I mean, my personal thought on the matter is you should never have to prove your worth to somebody. If she can't see that she had a good thing in you, then she doesn't deserve you and probably didn't in the first place. But, if you do think there could be something worth fighting to save, maybe you do try to talk it out with her. Explain that you understand how she is feeling, but you think you two seemed to make a great match and you wish she'd at least give you the chance to prove whether or not you two can be different from her past relationships that didn't work.

IF you do decide to try, though, I would still suggest you not wait around forever. If she continues to want to leave you in limbo, then maybe that is time for you to move on and find somebody who is ready to be with you fully. I wish you the best of luck in figuring out what you want to do, and hope whatever you decide works out for the best.

[Brokenheart16]

Hey there my apologies on the three weeks part, I did not describe that well. We both had prior engagements on the weekends, For three weekends where we did not see one another because we both had things going on, so I though everything was okay. Two weekends where she was with her family and best friend and one weekend where I was with my family and it happened back to back. Just wanted to clear that up.

[TheEvilJester]

That does make a difference since it seems like there was a reason you didn't see each other for that amount of time..... but really still not MUCH of a difference. That still doesn't change the fact that, despite that you felt you two were really hitting it off, she suddenly just decides she's too scared to give you a chance. Again, like I said, my general rule of thumb is you should never have to convince somebody of your worth. I still lean towards feeling like if she were able to cast you aside so easily, then maybe she didn't deserve you in the first place.

And, again, I still say take my advice with a grain of salt because maybe too much of it comes from my own past. My own lack of trust and lack of faith in humanity due to my lack of any reason TO trust people and overabundance of reasons NOT to trust them.

So, if you sincerely do feel there was something worth trying to keep, then talking to her would really be your only option. Just sort of lay it on the line. Make sure to make clear that you do understand her concerns and you do not mean to ignore or belittle them. But, you really felt like you two could have had a real connection and you would enjoy the chance to see if maybe you could prove her concerns wrong. That no pressure is intended. You are two mature adults who are free to decide that it just isn't working out, or decide that it is. But, that you at least want the opportunity to decide that together rather than to just give up without an effort.

Again, though, no matter what you do decide, you should have a "bottom line," so to speak. In other words, even if you do decide to go for it and she does give you a chance, there needs to be a reasonable time frame in your mind at which point you yourself will move on if she continues to seem so reluctant to trust you or really give you the sincere chance you deserve. Good luck, friend.