The younger female colleague!

[confusedmolly]

Yes I agree he's defensive. I don't seem to have the strength to approach this again at the moment so hVe decided to give myself time to feel better. After today I have gone to my doctor as the blackberry he had I also use to call family from time to time so I saw that she emailed him about a personal thing and he replied to ask her if she could speak on the phone and was emailing her a few times after indicating what he was doing to help her with the personal issue. He was going to a fair bit of trouble/out of his way to help her tbh. So things seem to be moving along between them. I don't have the reserve. Have thought about going away for a long weekend as whilst we are talking, I'm feeling very hazy almost in limbo or something not quite connecting. So more personal / attentive communication from him.

[hazey daisy]

Girl you get in his face and tell him that talking about personal issues with a female coworker outside of work is NOT appropriate behavior especially at the frequency they have been doing all this talking on the phone and emailing during vacations and late at night. She can go talk to her girl friends or her mother she doesn't need him. This going out of his way is suspect of an emotional affair and it is NOT sitting well with you AT ALL. When you go on that holiday, you take his phone and shut it off.

[TheEvilJester]

To be honest, if it gets to the point where she's having to take his phone from him and not allow him to have it during what is supposed to be their vacation.... that's when you just dump him. She's not his mother and she shouldn't have to be made to feel like she is. It's one thing if urgent work matters come up. That is life sometimes, and if he has to deal with those during vacation, so be it. But, if non-urgent things come up when they are supposed to be on vacation, there is NO reason they should get any attention.

If he was responding to all sorts of non-urgent, work related things during vacation, I'd still say that was wrong and that he needs to prioritize his relationship. Work is important, but not more important than your significant other. However, it sounds like he's ONLY really responding to her repeatedly during vacation.... and not for anything that couldn't just wait. So.... yeah... I'd be drawing the same conclusions Molly is.

Agreed with hazey, though, that just confronting him about it would be best. Seems Molly's sort of tried that, though. Maybe not being as direct as she could, but she's tried it and he chooses to just act defensive and dance around the issue. Frankly, I don't know what else to suggest at this point, since talking to him didn't really shed any light on the situation one way or the other. He continues to basically ignore the issue, but still not quite provide evidence enough to be sure something is going on. Honestly, though, just his avoidance of the issue makes me even more suspicious of his guilt.

Good luck to you. Really, I hope you get to the bottom of this soon. Hopefully there really is nothing going on, but if there is I hope you find out sooner rather than later so you can break yourself free and begin the road to recovery.