Guys im a girl needing your advice!

[Agirlhasnoname]

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Agirlhasnoname said:
Today 02:24 PM
So confused- to stay or move on.. Advice needed badly!
Hi all. Need help with a horrible situation i have been in for the last year or so. I am actually beginning to make myself ill with the stress and im not sure how to stop this horrible cycle. Need some support/ some tough love/ yelling at for being so stupid ... Or something!
Where do i start... In short ive been seeing a guy on and off for a year, he seems to like me but theres been about four ocassions on which he has just stopped contacting me for a matter of weeks only to contact me again like nothing was wrong. I made it clear what i wanted from him, a real relationship, bit he always just says 'lets keep going and see how things go' i recently blocked all contact with him and started moving on and after about a month he got back in touch ( this would be about three weeks ago now) asking to see me again. Saying he misses me, etc. Im in such a horrible situation because i genuinely feel a lot for him and i tell him but he never says the same back, although he acts keen to see me etc. Ive poured my heart out many times but he has never turned round and said anything to suggest that he feels the same. When i ask though he will always say obviously i like u or why would i be making all this effort to see you. My wondering is though, has he just been using me for sex all this time, or does he genuinely like me....
So He is back again trying to get me back and saying all the right things like he wants to talk to me properly, etc and wants to meet up again but i dont know if this is just because its convenient for him, has he decided he genuinely likes me and wants this too? Or am i being naive and its a case of he only wants hme when he cant have me ?The other night indecide to call his bluff- i said to him that i do not want a casual thing any more, that i am looking for more, and that i wont settle for something casual and wishy washy. I text and said to him 'do u want more?' To which his reply was 'yeah i think i could, ive been thinking about you a lot recently and im not just after casual sex'.since then he has said that he really wants to see me, and has came out and told me that the reason nothing happened before is because his ex was tryin to stop him seeing his children and he couldnt focus on anything else due to worry about that, and it just wasnt the right time to be seeing anyone.He said that he took her to court and everything has settled down now so he is able to concentrate on other things now. Incould understand if this was the case, but i still dont see this as an excuse to treat someone the way he treated me. Why not just say that it wasnt the right time?i asked him when this whole thing with the ex was settled, and he said back in march. Yet there have been times since then that he treated me like this- back in may i first told him i wanted more, and was he just with me for the physical side of things, to which he replied no, but then the next morning sent me a message saying how much he couldnt wait to get to bed with me. We spoke a few nights ago and he said he wants to give things a go properly and that i am a great girl, the kind he wants to be with. He does sound genuine now but There has been so many times in the past i hve felt like a total mess from being messed around by him - a couple of examples i can give you are - for instance we went on a day out , had dinner and a few drinks, had a nice time, yet when it came to the end of the night and i said i was ready to go home and he went in a mood because i wouldnt stay over - and ended up shutting a door in my face. Also- there have been a few times where he hasnt bothered to text me back yet has called me at 3am or sent a text asking to come up and see me at that time. Its messing with my head that he keeps coming back and being so nice . However, im afraid to go back there much as i like him incase the past replays itself and i i feel used again. I just cant seem to break this cycle. Part of me really has feelings for him. But part of me feels so jaded after a year of this carry on that this whole thing has lost its sparkle for me slightly. Part of me wants to believe he wants to make a go of it, but the other half says why should i give in now that he has decided he is ready (if indeed he is) for something more, after how i was treated.
I dont know if he understands how hurt i have felt from everything thats gone on before. Any time i have asked him about whats happening with us previously he has avoided the topic or it has turned into an arguement, yet now he seems to want to be seeing each other properly? Please help! I will take any advice, as you can tell i am so mixed up from this big old mess but i cant seem to let go completely for some frustrating reason! Sorry for writing a novel! Thanks x

[Callos]

I say give him another chance. If you are going for a serious relationship then this time you 2 need to sit down with each other and talk.

[Aussie Passion]

Well, I'm a guy and I wouldn't treat someone like this. I think what he's doing is wrong. If you really want to make it work, you may have to give him an ultimatum, but it sounds like you may have already done that.
If you are looking for a serious relationship, then it might be time to move on and find someone who will give you the time and respect you deserve.

[Agirlhasnoname]

Thanks for your answer. Its good to get a male point of veiw. Someone else told me that he is just keeping me as an option til someone else comes along. Do you think this is right? From a guys point of view?

[Aussie Passion]

Having never done this myself, it's hard for me to answer. Obviously there are guys ( and gals ) who would do this. The real question is how do YOU feel about it? If you are happy just to have someone like this, that's up to you. If not, then forget about it and move on.

[Princep]

You should drop this guy asap and move on. He is stringing you along and playing you. For him to ignore your txt all day then contact you at 3 am say it all about how much he values you and the relationship he has with you. You say this guy has children,which he has been quick to use as a convienent excuse. I think you have given this poor excuse for a boyfriend more than enough chances to treat u like a decent person, which he doesnt seem to be doing. Do yourself a big favour and cut him and all his baggage loose, you sound like you deserve better than to constantly be dealing with hurt.

[nipnap]

his guy is having you for a mug and your letting him get away with it hes using you for sex when no one else is avalable dump him and find somone who will realy love you your better than being treeted like this have some sef respect

[Agirlhasnoname]

Ok so I have an update-yesterday at work I found out that I need to go away and work in Manchester for a month. I have been given a chance I wouldn't normally get because someone else has pulled out of the team due to family issues.i hope I don't sound selfish but given the situation I have posted about I thought to myself that this might be the ideal time for this to happen to get me out of this situation with the guy and give me the push I need to clEar my head and move on from it all.so I thought to myself I would speak to him, and tell him that I need to go away to work for a month, and with him working away for a couple of weeks around that time too that it wouldn't be fair to carry on with this with us not going to see each other for. Good number of weeks (whatever it is we had) I already had it in my head anyway that i would tell him it wasn't working out, as you can probably tell from my posts, and your answers have really helped me out . Finding out at I need to go away to work has kind of made it easier for me, again I know I sound selfish and this sounds like a get out Claus but it's not that, I really have been torn apart over this situation and the news about work feels like it has given me the push to finally end things.
So I did just that. I explained about the work situation when he messaged me. Then he tried to call me a few times but I was in work late last night and explained to him that although I can't answer the phone I could still send a sly text at the desk and that I could call him today if he wanted to chat and at this point he went nuts. He said I was making up excuses not to talk to him, And that basically I was making up having to go away to work. I explained I wasn't , but he continued to say that he has been putting in so much effort to speak to me and that he hates the way I make him feel sometimes, is, like a bad guy for trying to make an effort with me. He then told me that it was really convenient I was going away just as he was going to be back from working away, and told me to 'have a word with myself' . I told him not to speak to me that way and that I wouldn't take being taked to like rubbishy to which he said 'whatever, night' and that's where the conversation ended.

I know it isn't about tit for tat but I feel he was happy to keep me guessing for so long and give me the run around S I previously described but when the uncertainty is the other way round he doesn't like it. However I am left with mixed emotions- feeling guilty because I hate hurting people and now I am starting to wonder if I have been really horrible. Any advice would be great,! Your answers have helped ,me a lot so far so thank u! X