Problem breaking up / Talking

[nr13]

I've always had this problem...but I think its getting out of control.

I'm a guy, I dated a few girls in my life, and for some reason (so far at least) I'm always the one that "wants" to breakup...Many times I don't even know why, but I just miss the freedom, the independence... I don't know... but that is another problem...

It comes a time I start showing up less, I lose interest, etc...Its not fair I know, but I don't do this out of despite or any disrespect torwards my partners, I do really believe in my relationships when I start them... but...ohh well.

the thing is...when it comes to this point...I just want to stop things...break up, explain her that its not something she did, but I just don't feel the right things and it is unfair to keep hidding that from her..I just freeze...I literally can't bring the subject...I always post-pone it...and when for some reason that "talk" comes up...I loose all words...I lack 100% ability to talk, express myself...Its horrible and somehow amazing the silences that I make... and the strangest thing is that even though I'm not the most comunicative person, In the rest of my life I actually solve things very quickly...if something needs to be said no matter how bad...I just go for it...it might cost but I do it...but when it comes to breaking up or just to say...hey...I need some time... then Its like I have a huuuugeeeeeeee and heavyyyy weight that stops me from talking...and then...I just post-pone until things get unberable i the relationship..and then everything is just...wrong....


Any person as delt with this type of feeling/behaviour?

Thank you

[Anthony#8]

Don't we all want that freedom and the independence?
My friend had the same problem and his solution was using those dating sites, specifically call chats like Party line where you can directly talk to people.
He had that problem, like you sad, expressing himself but all that chatting made him more communicative person. That was his way to get through those barrier.

[nr13]

Don't we all want that freedom and the independence?
My friend had the same problem and his solution was using those dating sites, specifically call chats like Party line where you can directly talk to people.
He had that problem, like you sad, expressing himself but all that chatting made him more communicative person. That was his way to get through those barrier.

Yes, that might help, the thing is that normally I'm not like that...its just in this particullar situation.. for example I've been seeing someone for the last two months, I'm trying to break up with her for a few weeks but just can't seem to do it, just now I received a text message for us to have dinner and I'm just making up excuses to delay everything...

[melancholia]

Why do you get involved with someone exclusively if you aren't ready for a relationship? Maybe you should consider casually dating different people until you are ready to be committed to one person (if that's what you want).

For me, finding a balance between maintaining my independence and putting effort into a relationship is really difficult for me. I need some time to myself, to be able to do things that I want to do - alone. I don't want to always have to think about another person's feelings, or what they are doing, all the time. Maybe you are finding that you are spending too much time with your girlfriends, and you need more time to yourself/time with friends/doing activities without your partner. It's OK to do things without your partner and still enjoy them.

As for not being able to initiate a break up... I think a lot of people find difficulty in that. It's not easy to have that kind of conversation with someone you care about. It's a vulnerable thing to express your true feelings and to be that honest with someone. Also, not being able to predict how the other person will react to the conversation might add some anxiety. I think the best way to go about it is to be up front and honest, especially if you've been thinking about it for weeks. Bring it up in a calm way, and use gentle language and tone when you talk to her. Maybe say something like, "I've enjoyed our time together, I think you are a great person, but I've realized I am just not ready for a relationship right now and I think it's best if we go our separate ways." That seems the easiest, most diplomatic way to say it, and most people will react to that calmly. Sure, they may be hurt or confused, but you can navigate the conversation from there, and try your best to be considerate and compassionate to them while you are having the discussion.