Another complicated situation...suggestions?

[Jeblina]

A little background....I was seeing a guy....he was an old friend of mine from high school....I remet up with him 3 years later, and we started dating. Things went well at first, then, I saw some "red flags" and I decided that he and I would be better off as friends. A week after I told him this, he told me that he missed me...blah blah blah...one thing lead to another... ...no details needed.

A week later, he had been distant to me...so I confronted him about it. He said that he liked being single...but that he likes hanging out with me and..."we all need to have s.ex from time to time!" (his words, not mine)...I was so insulted....I told him that I would NOT be a "booty call" and that I deserved better. It's been two weeks since our little blow up, and he and I are just starting to say more than "hi, how are you" to one another.

Two nights ago, I get a phone call from him. He tells me that there is a stall opening up at the barn where his mom has her horses (it's two driveways down from the place that I'm at....very nice...10 acres ALL grass). I haven't been happy where I'm at...things are falling apart, everytime it rains the whole place floods, INCLUDING my stalls, and there is NO grass in the pasture (the owner has over 30 horses on 5 acres!). So I told him that I wanted the stall, as long as it was the same price, or less than what I'm paying now....he said that his mom would talk to the owner of the barn....great...so I'm getting excited about at least getting my horse out of there!

Last night, after a great night at the barn (although I haven't heard anything about moving my horse yet), I come home to a new message on my MySpace account. It's from this guy's ex (who was also my best friend in high school....and when I had remet up with him, I didn't know that he was STILL dating her at the time...I slept with him once NOT knowing about her....spoke to him only when I saw him....and he and I started dating a few weeks after he broke up with her.....)....and she told me a COMPLETELY different story than what he's told me. Yeah...I was fuming mad last night.

So, now I have this story from her (which could be true, but I'm taking it with a grain of salt) and I have his story (which could be true...but he pretty much lied to me from day one about a lot of stuff, including having a girlfriend)....and then I have my own gut feelings, which are all confused right now, but are leaning more towards what the ex told me. So, now my dilemna is this....do I confront him, and tell him that I know the "truth", so that he doesn't think that I'm some gullible, stupid girl that he can just manipulate....or do I just shut my mouth and grin and bear it, so that I know I'll get my stall at the new barn, so that my horse can have a better place to live?

Kudos to everyone who actually read it all...LOL....but I'd really appreciate any opinions...I'm really at a loss for what to do! Thanks guys!

[equivo]

I'm confused. What was her story about? The situation with the new stall? Or something else?

[TAVS]

Yea, surely the Ex is being more honest than the woman. NOT. What does she have to gain by making up this story? Nothing. Why do you feel you need to confront him?? Who the F cares? Forget about it, him, and move on. Women.

[Jeblina]

I'm confused. What was her story about? The situation with the new stall? Or something else?

Her story was about HIM....pretty much, what he had done to her while he was with her....how many girls he had cheated on her with....that he had confessed to her that he was addicted to pills, and that she's heard that it's gotten worse lately....etc etc....some really nasty details that I could have lived without.....

[equivo]

Hmm, sticky situation

It depends how much the stall means to you. I would think that if you confronted the guy with this stuff and it all turns out to be true, you wouldn't want to be with him just to be able to have this new stall.

Perhaps wait until the arrangements are confirmed and you find out whether you can get the new place for your horse at a decent price. Then once that situation is dealt with, move on the next one. To be honest though I don't think there is an easy way out of this. You say his ex used to be your best friend.. I would expect this means that you have some degree of trust in what she says. And if you know your boyfriend has lied to you before it makes sense to assume that she is right, and has your best interests at heart (depends on your relationship with her really, whether you trust her or not).

The problem is if all these things are true and you confront him about it, it could mess up your relationship with his mother, which in turn may make the stall situation a bit iffy.

In the end though I would think that it's not worth staying with someone who may be a complete bastard (if his ex is right) for any reason. Even if it means losing the opportunity to get a new home for your horse. You need to confront him about it at some point, or you will forever be questioning and doubting.

[Jeblina]

Yea, surely the Ex is being more honest than the woman. NOT. What does she have to gain by making up this story? Nothing. Why do you feel you need to confront him?? Who the F cares? Forget about it, him, and move on. Women.

I'm inclined to believe that she's NOT making it up...but I also remember trying to screw up things with my ex and his new "girl" by elaborating on EVERYTHING....chances are, her story is 90 % true. I feel the need to confront him because I still see him about every 3 days (he works at the feed store where I have to buy my horses' hay and feed)....and all the sudden, he's become much more friendly with me, and I want him to know that I'm not stupid and gullible, and that I can see right through his little scheme. And, if I move over to the new barn, his mom's horses are there, so I will probably end up seeing him more often....

[Jeblina]

In the end though I would think that it's not worth staying with someone who may be a complete bastard (if his ex is right) for any reason. Even if it means losing the opportunity to get a new home for your horse. You need to confront him about it at some point, or you will forever be questioning and doubting.

Yeah...I'm not "with" him anymore...about a month ago, I told him that he and I needed to go back to being just friends....and that was fine....then he told me that he missed me, and I ended up sleeping with him....only to find out a week later that I was a booty call.....

I'm not interested in being with him ever again as a boyfriend/girlfriend thing....EVER....but my horses are VERY important to me, and where they are now isn't very nice....and where his mom's horses are IS very nice....it IS a sticky situation....

[carpflounder]

I'm sorry that this has happened to you..it really sucks. But whats the deal with the ego? This guy has always been a jerk off. Ducking you and never telling you straight that he wasn't interested in a relationship. He is what he is. Forget about him. Why do you feel that you must prove to him that your not some gullible and stupid girl who can get played?

Jeblina, anyone can get played, even the best of us. I've been there..not like this..but duped all the same.

He shouldn't be worth the sh*t on your shoe to you. So dont put energy into trying to prove anything to him. You are better than him..so stay clear of any dealings with him in the future.

About the stall...well...I'd say if you get a better rate see how you feel, but be careful....I'd stay away from that too....could just be him trying to bait you.

Just my .02

So, now my dilemna is this....do I confront him, and tell him that I know the "truth", so that he doesn't think that I'm some gullible, stupid girl that he can just manipulate....or do I just shut my mouth and grin and bear it, so that I know I'll get my stall at the new barn, so that my horse can have a better place to live?

[bluesummer]

Let it be. If he wants to be a stupid manipulative *******, that's his problem.....don't waste your time or energy confronting him over it, he's totally not worth it.