Choosing between two guys.

[emily214]

I apologize if this is long. There may not even be a straightforward answer. I think i'm just looking for advice on how to continue from here without anyone getting hurt.

A few months ago I started talking to a guy online (who lives near to me). He left to go travelling the next day and so we didn't get to meet up in person but we continued talking every day through Facebook. I really like him. we have a lot in common. Both are creative types, want to travel lots, similar hobbies and sense of humor. He will be back home in about two weeks. He's extremely excited. Keeps saying how he can't believe he's found someone like me. He's serious about a relationship if things go well.

A bit over a month ago I met a second guy. Instant connection, like I've known him for years. He's very sweet and we laugh a lot.

The tricky bit. Ordinarily I would just date casually and see who I have better chemistry with. However by some total coincidence, the two of them are actually good friends. Knowing that he was friends with the guy I want go out with, instantly put Guy 2 in a "Don't-go-there" box, and for the most part I tried to ignore any feelings I had for him.

So a few days ago the second guy admitted that he really likes me. He said that he'd tried to ignore it because of his friend, but felt like he had to tell me now before he was at risk of wrecking the friend ships he has with both of us. He told me about all these things he likes about me. About how glad he is that he met me, and that he'd do anything for me. He also says he's happy to be my friend if that's what I want. He doesn't want to ruin things but just didn't feel like he could keep it to himself anymore.

I told the second guy that I wanted to see how things go with the first guy. He accepts that but I feel incredibly guilty. I keep second guessing my choices. One one hand, I know already how easy everything is with Guy 2. I could tell him anything, or not say anything for hours. I feel very safe and comfortable with him. One the other hand, Guy 1 makes me feel excited. I see us having adventures and talking in bed for hours. However I haven't met him in person, so i can't know for sure what the chemistry is like.

Common sense tells me that I should just go on the date I have planned. If it goes well, then awesome. And if it doesn't, i should hope that Guy 2 still wants to give it a go. But something about that just feels callous. I don't want someone I care about feeling like a second option. I don't want to head into a date measuring up two guys. It doesn't seem fair to either of them, and I don't want to hurt them.

Is it selfish to want to see how the first date goes? Any questions I should be asking myself to help nail this out?

Thanks!

Ps. I feel gross even writing this. I've never wanted to lead anyone on, or create drama. I know they both deserve more than me clumsily trying to work out who i'd be a better match with.

[JustAGuy123]

Depending on how good of friends they are. Choosing one over the other will ruin that. Especially if they have strong feelings for you. In a case like this, I'd recommend the third option, which is not choosing either of them. Is ruining a friendship worth a relationship? If they are good friends and the friendship ends then whoever you choose could blame you for that happening.

If this answer doesn't make you happy then you need to let the two of them figure out what they should do. Whether they want to come to a compromise or whatnot. There's not a great ending to this if you decide to choose one over the other.

[emily214]

Depending on how good of friends they are. Choosing one over the other will ruin that. Especially if they have strong feelings for you. In a case like this, I'd recommend the third option, which is not choosing either of them. Is ruining a friendship worth a relationship? If they are good friends and the friendship ends then whoever you choose could blame you for that happening.

If this answer doesn't make you happy then you need to let the two of them figure out what they should do. Whether they want to come to a compromise or whatnot. There's not a great ending to this if you decide to choose one over the other.

Thank you for your reply. Just had a good talk with Guy 2. He wants to talk about it with his friend, as Guy 1 is not aware that Guy 2 even likes me. If it seems like things are tense then i won't see either of them. I don't want to come between friends.

[JustAGuy123]

That's the best option and for all you know they could come to an agreement and one may actually want to date you. Good luck and I hope it goes well.