Need help, advice, and courage..

[Marcia]

I'm reaching out here and I'm hoping that someone can help me. There is this guy I have had feelings for a long time over a year and I can't get over him. He's my co worker and we have a strict no dating co worker policy at my work. However he's not interested in me so I'm not worried about breaking policy. I don't know why I keep holding on. I have no friends, no one to help me get with my problem. But sometimes the things he does, I wonder if he is interested in me...
-a beautiful slow dance at our Christmas party
-going for drinks every two weeks
-catching his eye across the room when he watches me
There was a moment when I swore he was gonna kiss me, but I was probably imagining things. He leaned over and whispered bye in my ear instead after drinks one afternoon at work.
Please, please help me!

[Magnitude]

Have you tried talking to him about it? If nothing else, just to at least get an idea of what's going on.

[TheEvilJester]

Agreed. I mean, if nothing else you should at least talk to him about it. You say he's not interested like you know that for a fact. Do you? If so, how? Because some of the things you shared would honestly make me personally think he COULD be interested in you. I mean, nothing necessarily from what you shared would make me say he DEFINITELY is, but there's at least enough evidence to say maybe he is.

So, why give up without even trying? I mean, it is generally a good rule of thumb not to date co-workers.... but it's just a rule of thumb, and not a law, if you get my meaning. It can possibly be a bad idea to date a co-worker (because of the possible issues/awkwardness if you two don't work out), but if it seems like there could really be something there, why would you not at least try?

Your company has their policy, but I am sure there are ways to work around it if you two actually did become an item. Maybe the policy is more relaxed if you don't work very directly together, like you are in different departments or whatever. So, if you two do work together very closely right now, there's always the option for one of you to transfer elsewhere within the company. Anyway, it is generally a good idea to avoid dating at work, but it shouldn't be completely out of the question if you really do feel there could be something special there. Heck, as adults where the heck else are we supposed to meet people?

[Marcia]

I have tried, but it was such a weird conversation. He did ask me to be his date for our Christmas staff party. But I don't know if it's just as friends or what. I get really flustered and tongue tied around him. The way I feel about him is extraordinary. It's not a crush, but diehard feelings. He gives such weird signals. Seeking me out at work and just talking to me just because. I don't know if it's because he's interested or what. I don't know if maybe I should just bite the bullet and ask him out. Or maybe I should shut him out. Completely ignore him and maybe my feelings would subside.
Thank you for taking the time out and replying...

[Magnitude]

What feels right to you? If you could take the risk, what would you do? It's absolutely understandable that you don't want to be rejected, but, take the chance. You never know what the future could hold and you don't want to regret things. So, what feels right to you about the situation?

[Marcia]

I'm afraid. I'm afraid of getting my heart broken again. I'm afraid of hurting him. I'm torn. I want to ignore him, see if that helps. But I tried it before and it didn't help. In a perfect world I would be with him right now. But I have to find out if he wants to be with me. Somehow.

[pcmaster]

. But I have to find out if he wants to be with me. Somehow.

Successful people have one thing in common. They can handle more uncertainty and act on it to find out.

[Marcia]

I guess I'm not successful then. I think I will leave it to the Fates. But in the mean time I just need help getting over him😢

[TheEvilJester]

I have tried, but it was such a weird conversation.

Well, how have you tried, exactly? Believe me, I'm not trying to argue with you or to make you feel bad or anything. I could not understand more how you feel. I'm just trying to understand so I can offer the best advice I can. Because, you say you've tried..... but then you go on to say maybe you should just ask him out. When I say you should just go ahead and try.... asking him out is pretty much what I mean. I don't mean trying to drop subtle hints that you like him, I don't mean a little innocent flirting. Apparently you've tried that and it hasn't worked. Has he at least been receptive to it? That could maybe give you SOME hints, but again, you aren't really going to know unless you just ask him.

Don't let fear run your life. If you ask him out and it doesn't go well, sure that would hurt... but it would only hurt temporarily. Not to mention, then you can move on and find somebody else, rather than to be left wondering what could have been. It is better to know than to just be left to wonder.

Believe me, I understand that is so much easier said than done. But, it doesn't get any easier until you start trying. So, personally, my advice would NOT be to just move on and forget him. Not until you have at least tried to see if there could be something there. But, if you've made your decision, then honestly, time and distance are your best friends. In time, you'll get over him naturally. Distance yourself from him as much as you can and that will help.

You can also help yourself out by spending time with friends and family. Spend more time with people who make you feel better about you. People who reinforce positive thoughts in you. It's also a good time to do things that make you happy, such as if you have any hobbies. Or even take up new hobbies. If they are social hobbies you do with other people, even better.

Good luck to you either way. Honestly, this guy would be lucky to have you, so why not take the chance to see if he feels the same way. If he doesn't, then that is HIS loss. Someday you will find somebody who does.