How do you interprete this?

[Kittehpoops]

How would you define this?
I heard my bf (mid40s) talking about me (mid20s) to his friends. He said, "I wish she was the one that I married eighteen years ago." Eighteen years ago, he married his exwife that he divorced 7 years ago.

[JimBo90]

Personally, I think it was extremely disrespectful of him to say that. What if you two get married and get divorced? He'll just say the same thing about you.

I'd just be weary of people of say things like that.

[TheEvilJester]

To be honest, I don't think any of us can fairly judge that out of context like that. And, I think JimBo's radically different interpretation to my own is a good example of why. (I'm not saying he's wrong, I'm not saying I'm wrong. Either of us could be right, or Hell, it is even possible neither of us are.... but my point is it is too hard to tell without having more context like HOW he said it, his tone of voice, etc.) So, me personally, I took that completely differently from how JimBo did. To me, based just on reading it in text form like you shared above with no other context, here's how I interpreted it....


That he realizes the person he married all those years ago was such a mistake.... and that you are not. So, I actually take it kind of as the exact opposite of how JimBo seemed to interpret it in that I think he meant it as a great compliment to you. Me, I take that to mean that he wishes he'd had even more time with you then he has thus far rather than having wasted time with somebody who was so wrong for him. (Now, logically, back then you would have obviously been too young, but I think he's speaking figuratively, not literally.)

I will say, I do agree with JimBo, though, in that he probably shouldn't have said that. That really minimizes and over-simplifies everything he went through in his life that lead him to you in the first place. Sure, maybe he married the wrong person all those years ago.... but I would be willing to bet that even if he got nothing else from that relationship, he at least grew and matured as a person. Even if the entire relationship was a waste and he did not learn or grow in any way that whole time.... he at least did in being able to realize that relationship was so wrong for him, and to better realize what he was truly looking for in a person.

So, had he not gone through that, maybe he'd have never met you. Or, if he did, maybe you two would have never gotten together. Or, even still if you two did.... maybe you wouldn't have been as good of a match as you are because he had not benefited from the past experiences in his life that helped him to grow into the man who eventually found you.

But....

Without further context, I think he meant that as a compliment. I would take that to mean he meant that you are so much better for him, and that you make him realize how much better he deserved than his ex. So, honestly, if I were you I would not think anything more into this. At least not if there is no other reason for you two doubt him/doubt your relationship. I think he meant this as a great compliment to you, I guess maybe he just didn't ponder how you might misconstrue it to mean something else.