First "Real" Relationship (2 years) - not sure if I am doing the right thing...

[monovoid]

Hi.
(sorry, this is long... had to vent, thank you if you read all the way through and for your invaluable advice!)

This is a bit awkward for me, I don't usually seek advice on the internet, but I wanted to get as much feedback and advice as possible...

So, I have never been in a "real" relationship before this one. I am 28 years old, she is 34. We met when I moved here 2 years ago (prefer not to name the place), and I immediately fell in love with her. We've been together for 2 years and I am feeling like I need a break or even an actual break up, but often I get big powerful feelings that I shouldn't, and I am not sure if it's because this is, as I said, my first "real" relationship.

I have never been that lucky with girls... I've been in love before, but always with the wrong person, always with girls who wanted nothing with me. I decided to take a break and just be by myself and not try anymore, and, as they say, that's when you find it, right? So I moved here to advance my career and just be by myself and get to know myself better. This was great for 6 months, which is when I met her at an event. We hit it off immediately and exchanged contact and set up a couple of meets (no one used the word date) and we were having fun and it felt good to be together. I finally muster up the confidence to tell her I like her. She doesn't take this very well at the time because she's older than me and never actually thought about me in that way... but in the end decides to give it a try and we go out on a few dates.

I guess things went off well since we started seeing each other more and staying at each others' house and she even traveled back to my home country to meet my family. After this is when the first problem starts. We hardly had any sex, a lot less than what feels normal especially in the beginning of a relationship. But I just brushed it off to her being shy (she is VERY shy). Until she started asking me to "finish" during sex. This was so awkward and hit me so hard that there was one time that I couldn't even achieve the orgasm and had to fake it and I could not sleep that night. I guess she noticed because the next day she wants to meet me and admits to me almost crying that she feels nothing when having sex, not just with me, she never felt anything but pain. We talked and agreed it could be either that she is asexual or that there is something wrong with her reproductive system that could be treated. She asked me not to leave her and I say I will not leave her without trying as I think she is worth it. She agrees to go to a psychologist and / or gynecologist and see what is happening. I know sex is not everything... but it's a very important part of an intimate relationship and I can't see an intimate life without that deep connection.

One week or so later she admits to me that when we started dating she didn't feel anything for me, but she saw how much I liked her and decided to take a chance either way and that then slowly she started to "like me" (English is not her first language, so I took this conversation with a grain of salt at the time, but it will be a bit more important later on).

A few months go by and she hasn't been to one yet. We have a talk again, she starts crying asking that I don't leave her. I give her another chance and make sure she understands how important this is for me... Same thing happens again. I am just too attached to this woman to let go of her without trying at least one more time. Now, 2 years have passed and she hasn't done any of that. I have noticed that recently she has tried to be a bit more sexually active, but it's super awkward and I can tell she is not enjoying it AT ALL. It's super off putting for me.

And maybe because now I have been super frustrated with this situation, I am starting to notice things I haven't noticed before... and I am not sure if I am just exaggerating because of the frustration, or if they are real red flags. First off, we are not as alike as I had in mind we were. We have 2 interests in common. I do a lot of art, and she actually never shown any interest in my art. I almost had to "force" her to see it, by showing it to her while she was at my house. I made a painting that was inspired by her and she looked at it for a few seconds and then dove back into her phone. This was in the beginning of the relationship so I just always thought it was that period of time she wasn't feeling anything for me yet. But 2 years have passed and she never asked to see any of my art... and now I see how wrong that is.

There are some other hobbies I am into that I also create, and she also never shown an interest in any of those. She likes soaps (the TV ones, not actual soaps lol) a lot and I don't, but when I catch her watching something I always ask what's going on and what's exciting right now. I have 0 interest in the soap, but I am interested in what she's thinking and her feelings about it. She has never shown this to me, and only now do I realize this. She has also been "pressing me" (not really pressing, just talking about it a bit more than usual) about marriage and children. In her culture at her age she should have married and had children already so this now makes me think that maybe she just found comfort in me and wants to hang on and get married and have children as soon as possible because it's "what is expected of her" (her words). I told her no, I need my time to make sure, but she keeps bringing it up from time to time.

And now recently, she started showing behaviors that she never shown before, which actually makes me doubt if I ever even knew her before. I don't wear hoodies that much, I dress semi-casual everyday (personal preference), but this particular day I had my clothes drying and all I had at hand was a hoodie. So I put it on (it was a weekend so I didn't care that much) and went to meet her for lunch... She went crazy about the hoodie! She actually tried to remove it from me more than once! She refused to walk near to me on the street while I was wearing it. Her reason? "I just don't like hoodies". This was insane and it was actually our first "big" fight.

I've been more busy than usual lately so I let my beard grow a bit (also I like it, and my mother likes to see me with it too and she actually asked me to keep it as I am going home for a while in 2 weeks), she has been bothering me to remove it for a few weeks always getting angry when I say I didn't have time or didn't remember. She never behaved like this before. Eventually I told her my mother likes it and she asked me to keep it at least for when I go back home as I only see her once a year. Her response? "Oh, so my opinion doesn't matter?" and of course, I said "Yes, it does, but my decision is to keep it like this for a while longer". She went the way back home walking away from me. What?

And finally the other big one is that, I have been having some problems with some work mates (basically, miscommunication) and I was venting it off with her. She literally gave me this advice: "You have a warm heart and a cute face, but people sometimes give too much attention to aesthetics. It's not good but unfortunately it's true. So you should try to be more presentable (this is a hint to the beard, I am 100% sure of it) and try to smile more and they will like you more. I know because I did this and got more friends".

What is going on? What happened? I need to change something that is not wrong with me so other people like me? No! People need to like me for what I am. SHE needs to like me for what I am. Am I in the wrong here? I would understand needing to change something that is BAD, i.e. if I was rude by nature or something, but I am not, and she even says that in her advice!

Other small things that started bothering more and more include: she will only hold my hand in public, she won't even let me put my arm around her. I can't hug her in public (literally she went a full week on a business trip and she didn't let me hug her or kiss her goodbye at the station). She pays WAAAY too much attention to what other people think about her (and that of course affects me as well). And now I am afraid she just got used to me and comfortable with me, and is afraid of not meeting anyone else and is feeling pressured to get married and have kids. And I don't want that this way...

It also kinda bothers me that I am starting to pay more attention to other women when I go outside... Which didn't happen that much when we had more intimacy. And that makes me feel a bit bad.

So my plan is to ask her for a break... tell her all of these things and explain why I need it. But I am really scared I am doing a bad thing here. I know not all relationships are perfect, but this one seems a bit too much? I am not experienced so I really don't know what to think...

Thank you if you read all / skimmed this. Any advice would be amazing... I am very confused right now and sometimes I fear leaving her will be a huge mistake and I can see myself becoming depressed.. (I have had some depression problems in the past).

MonoVoid