A really big dilemma

[Dolstrulon]

20 year old guy here with quite a dilemma.
There was this girl that I had known for a year as a friend, but I started to have feelings for her. A few days ago I opened myself to her and told her what I felt. I know her very well now. She has told me things about herself that she hasn't told anyone else. Things that should make me hate her, but I have completely fallen in love with her. She had some feelings for me too. So that night we slept together. I have never been in any kind of situation similar, so I didn't know what to do or say, but she took the initiative. She is very experienced btw. She said that if it was going to happen again, I would have to take the initiative. Something I have never done before.

And here the dilemma starts. We are very different in so many ways. She is a suicidal alcoholic, and i am a top notch engineer student.
She has just been in a relationship that ended quite badly, so she said she didn't want a relationship with me at the time.
Maybe she likes me just as much as I like her, but she either doesn't trust me yet or she just wants to take it slow. She has extreme trust issues.
It feels like she is avoiding me.
Maybe she just likes me enough to want to sleep with me, and that is why she wants me to take initiative. To prove that I am good enough.

This weekend I will try to take the initiative at a small party at her house, but I dont know how. And maybe I should ask her what she feels about me. For some people this may not seem like a huge dilemma, but there is a lot more to how she thinks about poeple. She has a kind of ****ed up opinion about her self and the world, so to give you all the details I would have had to stay up all night writing.

If anyone may have some tips on how to interpret how she feels, or how to take the initiative, or tips on how to get closer to her that would be helpfull.

[Itsbiffybeach24]

It sounds to me like she is telling you that she wants to take it slow because she knows she has some things she needs to work out within herself. If she is a suicidal alcoholic, I would be extremely careful about trying to make any sort of commitment to her romantically. What's the big rush? I would also not rush the sex aspect... it just makes things more complicated. Be her friend, listen to her, and love her selflessly...

Focus on yourself as well. It's easier said than done (especially in this situation) but when she's ready for something more she'll let you know. And maybe she'll never be ready... but that's why you have to take care of yourself. There may be someone else out there that's much more ready for a relationship right now that you're overlooking because of this.