Does this sound like Friends with Benefits (FWB) or more than that?

[lm0905]

I am asking for a friend, since she doesn't want her friends with benefits (FWB) to somehow find out about this post:

So this friend is (I guess?) FWB with her ex from 3+ years ago... Even though my friend believes that they are more than just FWB because of many circumstances:

1. Going on trips together
2. She has a drawer in his room for her things
3. Act more like a couple than 'FWB'... Like if you were to ask anyone that sees them in public (including me), they seem more like a couple than FWB. Like sometimes I see them hold hands, she calls him "babe" or "baby" (and he doesn't stop her)
4. Sex is not a main part of the 'relationship' (happens once or twice a week and doesn't happen every time they see each other)


He claims that they're just "friends with benefits", but from the outside and to my friend herself, they seem more than that... Almost like he is too stubborn to admit that he has feelings for her again

[TheEvilJester]

Well, "friends with benefits" can probably mean a lot of things. Sure, typically it implies you just consider yourself friends, but also do some "sexual" stuff. But, maybe in his mind the "benefits" include sex as well as some of the more coupley things like holding hands. Maybe he likes having those things, but just isn't ready to actually be a couple, or doesn't want to with her since they didn't work out in the past.

Or, it is just as possible that you are right. That he DOES like her as more than just a friend with benefits, but he isn't willing to admit it. Honestly, I don't think it much matter either way. First off, your friend isn't a mind reader as far as I know, so she's never going to know unless she talks to him about it. I think that would pretty much be my advice either way. She needs to first decide what she wants. Does she only want to be with him if it is as nothing more than a friend with benefits, or does she want more with him?

Either way, she needs to talk to him about what she wants and whether or not he wants the same thing. At the end of the day, they either need to both agree to what their relationship is going to be.... or both agree that they just aren't meant to be and go their separate ways. No amount of speculation on our part, your part, or your friend's part is going to help. She really just needs to talk to him and go from there.

Good luck to her, though.

[melancholia]

Do they acknowledge each other as boyfriend and girlfriend, or FWB? That's the main difference. If someone is going to treat you like a girlfriend/boyfriend, but refuses to call you that, then they are keeping that person around while they wait for something better. Trust me, if he's not acknowledging her as his girlfriend, he doesn't see her that way and is using her to fill the void until he finds someone else he would rather date. It doesn't matter if he holds her hand, or they don't have sex very often (which is not an indication of anything, tbh). If someone wants to be with another person, they make sure that person knows it.