Two days ago I met up with my ex after 3 years of no contact. We split up because I found out he was dating someone else at the same time as me. He eventually left his ex and tried for years to make amends with me, but I refused.

A few days ago I decided that I missed him; it haunted me knowing the fact that I was ignoring him and potentially causing him hurt. I wasn't comfortable with me ignoring him, and all I wanted was not to have this weird situation where he is trying to reach out and I'm avoiding it. I liked one of his posts on social media, so he immediately sent me a message and then on my phone and then wanted to meet.

When we met, he was lovely: affectionate, humorous, attentive, polite. I was the opposite. He tried to hold the gaze for long and make eye contact but I avoided it. He invited me to his flat and wanted to cook together, but I hurried to leave. For me it was mainly my social anxiety pulling me back. A few years ago I started to really hate social interactions and haven't made an effort to overcome it. I am also having problems at a new job which is kind of making me depressed. So it wasn't because I wasn't happy to see him, but I'm sure it came across that way.

My problem now is I feel that I may have hurt him. I don't know if when he saw me act this way he is no longer interested (i.e. I looked unhappy), or if he is upset by how I behaved. He gives me one word answers to my texts and doesn't seem to want to talk. I explained that I was nervous about seeing him which is why I may have come across as though I just wanted to run away, but that's not the case.

He's not the type to talk things out over text. He usually tries to change the subject if something is uncomfortable to discuss. I have a signed copy of a book signed by one of his favourite authors which I got a few years back but never gave to him. I was thinking of sending it to his address, so that he knows that I do care and that I didn't mean not to give him attention when we met. I am not sure how else to make amends