S/O not bringing me to a wedding - feeling left out?

[lm0905]

Background: SO and I were together from 2011-beginning of 2013... We recently got back together and things, for the most part, has been great except for a couple of arguments (nothing too major)

So SO, who is white, has a friend group that is mostly Indian. Is best friend is Indian, and he is also good friends with his best friend's brothers. The groom is Indian, so is the bride, so it's obviously going to be an Indian wedding. I've never been to an Indian weeding, so I thought it would be a good opportunity to go to one since I've heard they are amazing.

One of the guys' in SO's friend group (37ish) is getting married in December. I have met this friend a few times and he has always been very friendly. SO got a +1 to the wedding, so I assumed I was going to be able to go I had lunch with my S/O today and he told me that he wasn't going to use the +1 for the wedding. I was kind of upset about it and I asked him why.

He told me that the day of the wedding, although he is not strictly a Groomsman, he is apart of the wedding, he is going to be super busy with the wedding and wouldn't be able to be with me for most of the wedding. He told me that since I'd only know one or two other people, one of which is involved in the wedding too, I'd be by myself most of the time.

I told him that I would be fine with that and I could meet other people and he said that a wedding is not the place to do it.

I got upset because I told him I wanted to spend New Years Eve with him and now it sucks that he apparently doesn't care about spending it with me.

Does his reasoning make sense? I want to believe it does, but I'm still a little upset about him choosing to not bring me to the wedding so I can't spend NYE with me. If I sound bratty, please tell me and I'll stop thinking this way lol.


ALSO: i'm not one to go up to people and introduce myself to them. I usually wait for someone to come up to me or for someone to introduce me to someone else... I guess I'd consider myself more shy than outgoing. If that changes anything

[TheEvilJester]

Okay, so first off.... NO, you are not being bratty. I definitely understand how you feel. That said, though, I think it sounds like your fella's head and heart were in the right place on this one. Since he knows he is going to be busy with whatever part he has in the wedding party, he knows he wouldn't really be able to spend much time with you. He didn't want to bring you only for you to wind up feeling isolated and alone.

However..... he shouldn't be just making that decision for you. That was really nice of him to consider your feelings in that way.... but he should have done so by presenting it as an option to you. Instead, he just decided for you. If there is some legit reason he doesn't want to take you and this was just him making up an excuse he thought wouldn't hurt your feelings, then he should just be honest with you. If this TRULY is the reason, then he shouldn't just make that decision for you and not leave you the option.

Now, you being shy does maybe factor in somewhat. However, unless you are so shy that you do something obviously embarrassing, then that is not a reason not to bring you. When I was younger, I was so ridiculously shy that I'd go to a party and wind up just standing in the same spot the whole time talking to nobody because I didn't know what else to do. That is not okay because it makes other people uncomfortable, makes the host feel bad, etc. Nowadays, I'm still pretty shy.... but I've learned to better deal with it. I'm still not Mr. Social Butterfly going up and talking to anybody and everybody..... but I make an effort to enjoy myself. Or, at least, if it is a situation where I really don't enjoy the setting, I at least don't make it so ridiculously obvious I am miserable. LOL!

I suppose if I were you, I would just tell him that I appreciate him thinking about me, but if that is really the only reason that I'd be happy to come anyway. That I'd understand he couldn't spend much time with me that day, so I'd have fun mingling with other people and enjoying the wedding. At the end of the day, if he's decided not to bring you, then I guess that is his decision, but he certainly shouldn't be deciding FOR you that you wouldn't have fun there. If that REALLY is his reason, he should let you decide that for yourself.

[S0NofHAM]

No, his reasoning *does not* make sense.

No, you are not being bratty.

Weddings are very romantic. You always, always, always, always, always bring your SO to a wedding (always). If he doesn't bring you, everyone would look at him and think, "Oh, he must be single." Everyone brings their SO to a wedding, which is precisely why these invitations always come with a +1 invitation.

Basically, in a nutshell, he is in the wrong. Maybe he has good intentions, or maybe he has bad intentions, but either way, what he is doing is wrong. You need to sit him down and tell him: "This is wrong. I am your significant other, and you should want me to attend any wedding that you go to. You should want me to come, and you should be happy that I want to come. I don't mind if you'll be busy during the wedding, but I really want to be your date at this wedding and spend NYE with you." If he still says no, then he is either very stubborn, misguided, or has ulterior motives.

My guess is that he has good intentions, but he's just being silly and stupid and needs to get his head screwed on straight. If I were you, I might also ask him "What would your parents or friends or family think if you told them that you didn't want me to come to this wedding with you. Wouldn't they think it's weird? Is it not, in fact, weird?"

So yes, it's weird and it's wrong, and sometimes us guys can be straight up clueless about things in life. Maybe he's just having a clueless moment and you need to smack some sense into him. If you do nothing, and allow him to go this wedding without you, then you'll definitely feel left out and rejected, and those feelings are not healthy in a relationship. Trust me, I would know.

edit:

I just realized that not only is his excuse bad, it's completely backwards and illogical.

There's no reason whatsoever to attend a wedding without your significant other. In fact, the more involved that he is in the wedding, the more important *he is,* which means it's even more important for him to bring his significant other. For instance, a father of the bride walks his daughter down the isle. The father of the bride is very important in the wedding, and his wife is also very important. Every couple is important in a wedding. So the more involved that you are in a wedding, the more important it is that you bring your significant other, because the main idea of weddings is to see a bunch of family and a bunch of couples together, loads and loads and loads of couples. It is much better for a distant acquaintance to show up without a date, but it's much worse for the father of the bride, for instance, to show up without a date.

So chew on that one. His excuse is baloney. He needs to wake up.

[lovebroken]

If he ISN'T a groomsmen then he CAN sit with you at the wedding and the reception. I don't see the problem. I've gone with an ex to a friend of his wedding and he was a groomsmen and still found time to sit and talk with me after the service and through the reception. If he doesn't want you there he should man up and be truthful not make up stories to get you to agree you shouldn't go.