Affair with a married woman?

[hunk703]

Hi guys,
I have a question. I am 26 and single. I am attracted to a woman thats 38, very pretty but is married and has one kid with a 50 year old guy. We met on second date and made out and are getting comfortable. Her husband seems to be jeleous of me. She is apparently not happy of her marriage ( thats what she told me ). Where does it leave me? Should I pursue her? she is a 10 and blows me away with her beauty and emotional Intelligence.

What I am losing or gaining in this situation and if we proceed how will it go? Its a very messy situaion.

[Markdg61]

Clearly it is not the best situation to be in and of course I'm sure the husband would be jealous because he probably senses there is something going on. The best thing is if she is not happy in her marriage, she should separate file for a divorce. I would not continue pursuing her until this happens. Yes it will be a very messy outcome if he were to find out.

[hunk703]

Thankyou Markdg61. But I cant ask her to divorce that guy or can I? If I ask her, am I obliged to marry her?

[pcmaster]

Well man your are not obligated to marry her. But while shes with her husband official hes her number one guy. So you always being this spare tire that can be dropped at any moment. I would not suggest to contiune if shes married. Tell her how you feel and talk with her about these important things before going deeper in. Also dont listen to how horrible her husband are and how great you are. They all do that. - Taking the victim role and playing on guys feelings. Look at her actions not words.

Rule of thump is - If relationship have to be a secret you dont have to be in it.

[Markdg61]

You really cannot ask her to divorce but you can ask her what her intentions are. Where does she see herself in the future. These choices are hers alone to make if it is not with her husband then I would pursue a relationship with her after she separates. I don't think there is any obligation to marry unless it is something you both decide on.

[hunk703]

Thankyou guys so much!!!!

[TheEvilJester]

Yeah, I would agree. You can't and shouldn't ask her to divorce him. That needs to be her decision whether or not that is right for her. BUT, you can certainly make it clear that you aren't meaning to sway her decision, but that you can't get involved with somebody who is married.

If she sincerely is no longer happy in her marriage, then she needs to deal with that. IF she gets through all that and finds she still wants to pursue you, then that is great. IF you also so happen to still be single and that time AND find you are still interested in her.... then go for it. For now, though, I wouldn't necessarily recommend you wait around for her. Divorce can be a long and messy process. Not only that, but being stuck in a relationship that no longer seems right can be very hurtful and confusing too.

There is a pretty big risk that she may only be interested in you as a sort of rebound. You provide her something that her husband does not. It is possible if she DID leave him for you, she'd eventually realize you are not right for her either, but you were just filling a need at the time. Don't get me wrong, even if that WERE the case, it is entirely possible she doesn't realize that. Again, being trapped in a bad relationship can mess with your heard. So, she may have the best of intentions, but you could turn out just to be a "rebound," so to speak.

In time, perhaps life will bring you two together.... but this just isn't the right time. If you two are not meant to be, then you'd be better off to realize that now and move on. Good luck.