Deciphering his mixed messages!

[Dpb]

Dpb said:
Today 09:47 PM
Help me decipher his mixed messages!
Ok so I've been talking to this guy pretty consistently for 3 months. Invited me to his hometown, met his friends and family. Both are super nice and he even said how both really like me. He is more of the shy type, his friends and parents even mentioned that also. The friends he hangs with are super respectable and nicr also. This is also a long distance relationship of about 1.5 hours but we make decent time to see each other.
Well last week, I noticed him getting ahold of me less. We talk usually a little at night before we go to bed because we both have busy days. I confronted him about whether he was interested or not and he basically wrote me a book how he is 100% interested and how he's been super busy, feels bad, and is sorry he hasn't gotten ahold of me the past few days. I said that was totally fine, I understood. I had a weird feeling towards just how busy you can be 24/7... Sooo After that night 2 more days go by and I don't hear a word from him. My gut feeling is that there's is something going on because this has never happened. I messaged him on the 3rd day and called it quits nicely, yet never got a reply. I figured if he truly wanted to be with me he would have replied? But if he's the shy type would he still? Did I overreact or play it safe?

[richiro]

don't jjmp to conclusions.. don't assume anything. that is the biggest mistake people make.
remember.. they are THEM and not you. so they don't do like you and dont think like you. YOU DO, but nobody else.

so... my rule of thumb is.. "the incident" is never the thing to focus on. whatever "the incident" is - it's how the aftermath is handled and what happens int he aftermath that counts. in this case, when ou asked him - he quickly and absolutely reassured you withotu hesitation or a flinch that it was all on the up. you should trust that. somebody who has something else going on or is tryign to avoid you would have a hestiation or hem and haw or 2.

so for now.. unfortunately yo have to wait it out. don't smother him like you already did. smothering turns a very interested committed person into an unhappy, disgruntled person who then wants to leave just to breath. don't do this to him as he's into you and obiously you want him too.

send him a little text now and then (not all the time) just to say "hi'.. hope you're having a good day and smiling.. miss you" or whatever. and let it be. in time the truth always comes out so how he treats you when he's done being busy will tell you the truth.

and as for "how busy can somebody be 24/7?" the truth of the matter is - depending on what's going on and phases.. they can be 24/7 busy! I've been dating my gal for about 5 months now and for 2 months we only saw each other 2-3 times. we were both THAT busy but especially me.

1. i was in the process of purchasing a house (while also starting a new job) and if you know anything about buying houses.. TONS OF PAPERWORK.. and it has to be done NOW NOW NOW NOW. And those peopel only work business hours.. so i had to take time off of work. b/c it's a brand new house i had to take 2 DAYS OFF OF WORK to come in and look at plans, decor, materials, and select what i wanted for my house which took 1/2 a day!

2. for the new house i realized i should probably have more cash on hand to pay for it just incase (with the upgrades i selected fo rmy house). so.. i decided to sell my car as it would put the most cash in my pockets. it is GRUELING and exhausting selling a car! peopel want to see you here and there and everywhere at all hours of the day - negotiating, talking on the phone, emails... it took me about 3 weeks to sell my car.

3. oh yeah.. so after that i needed to get a replacement car. which means the same time committments the REVERSE way - making appts to go out and meet people to show me their car.. except... I DIDN'T HAVE A CAR TO DRIVE MYSELF OUT THERE! even more time and planning and committment and scheduling to just g oout and se cars.. have it seen by a mechanic, then go back out to potentially pick up a car!

4. oh yeah so since my proejct was to put money in the bank to save for the house. i bought a cheap car. woudln't you know it it needed repairs. so. yeah.. i had to bring it to the shop a few times to have it analyzed, diagnosed, then come back again cuz parts would have to be ordered, woudl come in on different days.. and drop the car off to elt it get serviced the next day and then somehow find a way (without a car) to pick it up again... and of course different types of shopes did different work so i had to make multiple appts at different shops in different locations to get al the work done (which only allowed for weekend appts sinc ei work during the week).

5. and of course that led right into the holidays where family obligations happened.

so yeah.. "how busy can anybody be in a 24/7 hr period?" EXTREMLEY depending on what's going on for phases at a time. Life happens. People have obligations. Things occur that you have to deal with. Jus because YOU AREN'T busy at this moment doens't mean other people aren't either. Remember that.

[melancholia]

I think you overreacted for sure. He explicitly told you he liked you and felt bad because he was busy and you only waited 2 days before calling it quits? I understand that this day and age of social media and smart phones makes it seem like the immediacy of replies via text/social media has any bearing on how someone feels about us, but that's ridiculous. People get busy. If he didn't want to keep talking to you/see you, he wouldn't have told you how much he liked you when you asked the first time. He probably didn't reply to the next message because you ended things with him promptly, so why should he bother replying to that?