Me and BF haven't spoken for 5 days - what do I do?

[chromelover32]

Apologies in advance for the long post.Me and my boyfriend of 7 months havent spoken for 5 days. We were at his parents for Christmas, we were getting on ok although things could be better. For the past month or so he has been very negative, complaining alot, when your around that it tends to affect you and make you feel like rubbish. The last night we were there we went out to a pub with his sister and her boyfriend. The whole time we were there he didn't really speak to me and he was pretty drunk - he was being very loud and sarcastic in general felt as if it was aimed towards me but who knows. Then we were all walking back home - we parted with his sister and her boyfriend and I had a bottle of cider in my hands and I didn't want it so I placed it next to a bin - he said your not wasting that and started drinking it i told him I didn't really want him to drink anymore as he was quite drunk and acting like a towards me. He threw it on the floor and it smashed. He then went to carry on walking to get some food but I didn't want to entertain that kind of behaviour so I walked off and went back to his parents. I went to bed and that was that. The next morning he was trying to be affectionate and I said don't you remember what you did and he said what throw a bottle? You were nagging me not to drink it and I said no I just wanted you to not be a to me anymore and he said sorry and that he loves me. I said what was wrong with you last night it seemed like you hated me and he said well I suppose your frustrations come out when your drunk - you haven't really been affectionate towards me since we've been here and I said well I don't really feel happy your always negative and complaining about everything and it's just dragging me down and you acting like that last night has just pushed me away. He said I feel like we don't get on anymore and I said because I don't feel happy I feel like your dragging me down, he didn't say anything, said something about he had a stiff neck then proceeded to get up and make coffee. Anyways we were going home that day and didn't talk all day - I went out for a walk by the time I got back he had put all his stuff in the car and left all mine in the room. So I took it all down. We spoke on the way back in a civil manner but it was like we were strangers. He dropped me home we hugged for a few seconds then he went. I didn't talk to him I just wanted some space and hoping he would realise the way he had been acting was making me unhappy because I TOLD him it was. But instead I didn't hear anything off him, then his sister told me he went back to his parents for new years 2 days later and he didn't even mention it. As far as I'm aware he's still there and haven't heard a word off him. I told him how he was making me feel but instead of realizing that he just hasn't spoken to me at all. I feel like I shouldn't speak to him because he needs to realise how he is making me feel. In these situations it's always me speaking first and apologising for God knows what it's like he has a way of making me feel bad and he should be the one getting apologies. I haven't done anything. He's very stubborn and has ALOT of pride and I feel as if he'll never talk to me again if I don't speak to him. Or maybe he doesn't want to be with me. He hasn't changed his relationship status on Facebook so I'm just confused as to why he hasn't spoke to me when I haven't done anything wrong - he's the one that has been making me unhappy. Some advice would be helpful. 2 days before we left I went shopping with his mom all day and when I came back in he gave me a massive hug and said I love you so much - then this, he is so complicated and I just wonder how he even loves me if he can just treat me like this. If he doesn't want to be with me he should just say instead of saying nothing and keeping us in a relationship on facebook

[richiro]

that you haven't spoken for 5 days is nothing.
that all these other periphery things are happening - is major.

this relationship is on the skids very seriously and these may be signs that it is over. but it's recoverable potentially. it all depends on how you handle it with him and how he hnadles it back.

take a breath. take some time. let him be for a bit. then when things calm down. have a heartfelt and CALM talk. no accusing. no "this is wha tyou're doing wrong".. more of a "talk to me.. what's going on? i know you're not happy right now... what is it?" then LISTEN. NOTHIGN BUT LISTEN! yo don't find out what's goin gon with them (which is what your question is) by letting him know what's going on with you.. understand?

so LISTEN.
LISETN ACTIVELY and openly.
don't say a word.. don't come back at him.. JUST LISTEN

then let it simmer with you for a few days. give hjim a hug. tell him thank you for telling you and letting you in again.. and that you guys will talk about it again in about a week or two after you let it soak in.

if he asks you about you , fine to talk.. but i recommend against it and just saying, "not today hon.. today itts about you and what you need.. we'll talk about me another time..."let it simmer and then have a follow-up equally as calm, equally as heartfelt conversation. the spirit shoudl be that you are concerned and worried that he's not happy and (if you love him) that's not in your interest. you want him to be happy..

now.. you have 2 choices at this point:
1. is it recoverable, repairable? and do you want to put in the work to recover/repair it and address all his needs to be happy again? (yes of course the realtinship is about your needs too.. but there is a time and place for that. until one can feel their needs in a relationship can be the focus and their partner wants those things to be resolved as much as their own - then there is no more relationship in this case).

2. or is it not recoverable or repairable or you disagree so much that this has obviously become incompatible and you've grown apart?

at that point the choice is yours. yo dont HAVE to fulfill his needs or ensure his happiness or help. you can choose to decide that your needs are more important. but that just means its over.

Good luck! I hope the both of you are okay and that your caring/love for each other step up and show up as you both need it right now.