Hard breakup.. how do I move on?

[Xoxo_]

I was with my now ex for about a year. It wasn't always good, and we did have arguments, but I truly put my everything into this relationship. I had some problems a couple of months ago with him being cold and distant, for example one time he pushed me away, told me to go away, and told me I was wasting his time. He later apologized and told me that he didn't know what he would do without me. We had an argument last night, and he didn't want to speak to me. I had waited a while, and decided to finally call him and see what was going on.
He answered, and surprised me with what he said. He told me he disliked me, that I was a waste of time and money, and that he was sick of me. When I asked why he didn't tell me in person, he responded with that there was no point as he could still get his point across by phone. I had asked him about all of the times he told me he loved me and that he enjoyed being with me, and he said that it wasn't true and that it was all faked. He told me he wasn't sure if he was going to tell me all of this, and that he planned to just never talk to me again, but decided to once I called him. He then told me that I could still have my birthday gift and that he wouldn't mind being friends and still hanging out every once in a while. I was in shock during this whole phone call. He did tell me that it wasn't me and that he just thought relationships were stupid and admitted he didn't treat me very well, and that I should've seen this coming, and then got off the phone.
I'm still just in shock. I feel so heartbroken, and I keep wishing that it was all just a bad dream but then I realize it isn't. What should I do? How do I move on from this?

[pcmaster]

Well it seems traumatizing.You should talk about this with therapist or councelor. Also I think you will completly move on when you find someone better. Your ex did the wrong thing by being with you if he didnt liked you or didnt like relationship. Not you wasted his time but he wasted your time. Be smart and do the right things. Now you have to take care of yourself and love yoursrlf. Seek for support and company from your friends. Maybe your ex was borderline, thats why he pushed you away. Anyway it doesnt matter. Now only thing that matter is you. Now when your time is not wasted anymore you have all this free time to do what you like and whats good for you.

[Fuzzyfeeling]

This is the 1 post , i've typed , retyped , retyped , erased. Got back 7 hours after ,and still typed , and erased.

- - - Updated - - -

But Alas ,i'll say this.

Your ex doesn't really mean w/e crap he said. Words shouldnt be taken at face value mainly because he's depressed ,and depressed people tend to leash out on the closest people to them. Now in a perfect world , the perfect solution to your dilemma would be to simply move on. (cause you're not really at fault here ,and you shouldnt feel bad about it, you basically did NOTHING)

But this is no such place. And relationships are full of imperfections.

Now i do believe some relationships are worth fighting for. And if you TRULY ,do think this is such a relationship ,give him some time, and grit your teeth cause its gonna be a MESSED up road ,but def rewarding if this is a worthwhile relationship.

Word of advice: Give him no less than 3 months, try other relationships if you have to (maybe this aint as special as u thought it is) and if nothing comes close to this one , you go and get him gurl ^~^

[TheEvilJester]

I could just be missing it, but I'm not sure I see anywhere where Xoxo said her fella is dealing with depression. Could that be the case? Yes, it certainly could. But, I don't see anything (unless I am just missing it) to indicate that IS the case, so I don't necessarily think we can just assume that.

I've also dealt with depression myself and, while it CAN sometimes lead to you doing or saying things you regret.... there's kind of a limit to what is reasonable, and I think the way he has acted has crossed that line. I mean, at my worst times I may have said things I regretted to people I truly cared about, but never to that level of hatred and hurtful cruelty. Don't get me wrong. As somebody who has battled with it basically my whole life, I most definitely agree that you should stick with loved ones if/when they are going through something like that....

BUT there is a limit to that. First off, at some point they need to realize what they are doing is wrong and sincerely make attempts to get better. If they aren't fighting for themselves, how can anybody else be expected to fight for them? You can't do it for them. No, I'm not trying to say it would be easy. You can't expect overnight results. But, they can't just give up, become resolved that is just how their life will always be, and expect people just to be okay with that.

At some point, you need to worry about your own health and happiness too. Somebody who only puts that in danger is not worth the suffering. So, personally my advice, at least just based on what was shared here, would be to move on. It doesn't sound like he appreciates you, and you most certainly deserve somebody who does. Now, of course, you would know him more than I, or more than any of us here. So, if you honestly DO sincerely feel like he doesn't mean the hurtful things he says.... if you honestly DO feel like he loves you, but he just has a hard time with it....

Then, sure, try fighting for that love. Honestly, I could very well be wrong. Maybe he is just going through crap (as we all do in life now and then) and he's not handling it well. Maybe that's causing him to lash out at people he shouldn't, and maybe he later realizes this and regrets it. So, if that is the case you can certainly do your best to make it work.... but even then I would still say you should have a reasonable breaking point. A point where, even if you realize he doesn't mean to be hurtful, that you move on anyway if things do not get better.

A relationship shouldn't be THIS hard. It shouldn't be THIS hurtful. All relationships can hit a rough patch now and then, but you work together to get through them and it makes the relationship stronger for it. If nothing ever changes and the hurtful cycle just continues then you'd be stuck in this emotional roller coaster forever. You deserve better than that. Good luck to you in whatever you do decide.

[chrishappy]

Why don't you try online dating? victoriyaclub for example.

[melancholia]

He's not depressed and he doesn't want to be friends. He's a jerk and a disrespectful asshole who has wasted your time. He said things he knew would hurt you, and that is a horrible thing to do to someone you've been with and said you loved. I know it's hard to see this now because it's so fresh and what he said was so hurtful, but you are SO much better off. Take care of yourself right now. Go out with friends or spend time with your family, or get involved in a hobby or volunteering, or anything you enjoy that will take your mind off the break up. You deserve better treatment than this and that guy is a complete douche bag.

[gryffindor]

I personally think that, whether he meant what he said or not, he is not somebody who deserves your attention. You can't just go around treating people like they were garbage.

Anyways, my advice to you is to breathe and accept that you are heartbroken. I always deny my feelings and say (even to myself) that I'm fine when I'm obviously not. And that is something nobody should do. It's not coping, it's delaying your feelings. Later on they will come much stronger and you will be left crying in the bathroom (even if the breakup wasn't that bad). I also recommend you talk to somebody about this, whether it be friends or a therapist. My personal experience is that I can open up much more to my best friend and she ends up helping me a lot more than a therapist would. And I also recommend that you do not try to get together again, and if he offers to do so, then don't accept. In my opinion this will only drag you down and make you feel vulnerable. Know that you are valuable and that you deserve a relationship where people don't mistreat each other.

[richiro]

How do you move on? You just do. Life is too short to dwell - as hard as it is not to.
The best lesson any of us can learn to get thru life and always move forward - is the lesson of learning how to let it go.

let go of needing this or that (aka explanations, closures, etc.) b/c it doesn't bring the relationship back and fix it.
let go of the fear of being alone again or not wanted by 1 person (b/c there are literally billions of other people on the planet that may want you instead.... in fact it is almost guaranteed that somebody does).

if you step back and think of the big picture.. how many years you'll be here, how many people there are on this planet, how many opportunities and things you will have to experience before its all over - it absolutely seems ridiculous how much we can get caught up on 1 situation, or 1 person. it really does.

see the forest, not the trees. someday you won't even remember this - that's how signiciant this is in the big picture (even though it feels like the entire world today). mourn, cry, be sad, let your body do whatever it needs to get over this and it will pass more quickly and you'll be with the next person hopefully having a better oen.

good luck.