Moving to ex's uni city???

[KatieWgirl]

Hi all I'll give a quick backstory but looking for some outside advice...
Met a guy in summer through a mutual friend and we clicked straight away, ended up speaking (with a push from our mutual friends) and we straight away felt like we'd known each other forever (cliche I know). We spent all day every day talking on the phone and FaceTime when we could, as he lives in anther city. We spent a weekend together at a festival with our mutual friends and again it was just great. I visited him in his city that he goes to uni in and had the best week with him. The week afterwards he ended it because he realised he wasn't over his ex of 2.5 years and being back in that city made him realise (as well as her starting messaging him as soon as she found out about me) that he hadn't moved past it. Their breakup was very messy and they went through a lot together. We kept talking for a few weeks after he ended it but eventually it was too hard so we had no contact. I've seen him twice in his uni city when visiting my friends, the last time he told me it was just bad timing with us and if we'd have met later it could have been a different story. Long story short (trust me a lot more went on) but I have applied to uni in his uni city and have been accepted. I love the ciTy and wouldn't want a boy to stop me going there but at the same time I do not want him / our friends making out I have gone there for him. What is everyone's opinion on this? Advice would be much appreciated.

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Quick side note- although we were together a short period, we were very intense very fast and we both told each other we'd fallen in love and hadn't felt like this before, it was new and different and like I said...very intense, but in a good way.

[TheEvilJester]

To be honest, this is one of those situations where you just need to do what is right for you. As you said, you applied to university in that city because you love that city and because the university was obviously one you'd like to attend. So, you are right not to avoid that simply because of some guy.

If you were to go around shouting to everybody who would listen, adamant that "I'm NOT going there because of him" then that will just make it seem like the opposite is true. The lady doth protest too much, methinks. ;-) Unfortunately, people are immature. They are going to think what they think and there is really nothing you can do to change that. I'll say this, any REAL friend of yours will know that you're not doing it to chase after some guy/because you can't let go.

That doesn't mean there might not be part of them worrying about how being in his city will affect you. But, if they really are your friend, then you can talk to them about it and assure them that isn't the case. In other words, to a friend you could certainly say pretty much the same thing you said here. "I really love this city, but I have to admit that part of me is worried people would think I was just doing it because he's here. That honestly was more a deterrent than a bonus, but I really like this city and <insert university name here>. I didn't think it would be fair to myself to avoid that just because of one person.

As far as he goes, let him think whatever he wants to think. When you don't come chasing after him, that will remove any doubt. IF he wants to take advantage of you two being closer geographically and actually wants to possibly give you another chance, then let him come to you. IF he does, and you think you'd be willing to give it a shot, then maybe go for it. But, for now, just consider it over and live your life. You are right not to avoid things you want to do just because an ex might be there. Good luck to you!