My Breakup Meeting with my BF - Wow!

[Vanilla Gilr]

I love Vanilla, she's like a female version of Hayward.

Now I know at first you might think that's a bad thing, but it's not ;p

Hayward is my friend...so I'll take that as a compliment

[carpflounder]

LoL when Lloyd said that I just imagine this guy sittin in the car before going to knock on your door, head tilted back - applying eye drops.

Why eye drops? Just cut an onion and put that to your face...it will look like you have been crying for hours.

You want some support? Well, I'll tell you this: when you love someone; you want to spend your time with that person and that person is center to you.

If he loves you then you would be the only person on his radar...but your not......JUST the fact that he is so indecisive speaks volumes about his "love" for you.....or really a tremendous lack thereof.

Take a look at your self from the outside. You see a girl who loves a man who may want to marry his ex on a whim. What would you think about that girl? Would you think that she is interested in a man deserving of her love?

You should be asking yourself these questions.....its a good way to find where your feelings of self worth originate. If after your searching you find that this guy is worth it......then its still your problem.

I hope you have a good therapist. I mean that sincerly.

[margot732]

Why eye drops? Just cut an onion and put that to your face...it will look like you have been crying for hours.

You want some support? Well, I'll tell you this: when you love someone; you want to spend your time with that person and that person is center to you.

If he loves you then you would be the only person on his radar...but your not......JUST the fact that he is so indecisive speaks volumes about his "love" for you.....or really a tremendous lack thereof.

Take a look at your self from the outside. You see a girl who loves a man who may want to marry his ex on a whim. What would you think about that girl? Would you think that she is interested in a man deserving of her love?

You should be asking yourself these questions.....its a good way to find where your feelings of self worth originate. If after your searching you find that this guy is worth it......then its still your problem.

I hope you have a good therapist. I mean that sincerly.

NOW I HATE MYSELF

[Tone]

margot, don't listen to what any random jerkoff tells you.

People get infatuated, and usually during this time, all logic goes out the window. You're normal!

[Vanilla Gilr]

I don't think Carp was trying to be a jerkoff and I know I wasn't.

I think Carp was trying to get you to see that you can't base your opinion of yourself on what someone else thinks.

In other words...you have to think you're worth someone loving you...and you saying "now I hate myself"...shows that you do base too much of your self worth on what others think.

Margot...I meant no disrespect in my post to you. I wish you felt stronger and better about yourself. You deserve someone who will not do to you what this has has...and will...IF you allow it....again...two months is such a short time...and yes...it will hurt that it's over...ya'll were still in the honeymoon stage...but it will hurt less in the long run if you walk away now.

You don't have to listen...but I only responded because I felt for you.

[margot732]

margot, don't listen to what any random jerkoff tells you.

People get infatuated, and usually during this time, all logic goes out the window. You're normal!

Thanks Tone. What makes this so hugely important to me is that my bf is my first love. That's hard to believe for a 38 year old woman, but it's the truth. I'm very wary and suspicious of my bf's unstable behavior and his ex's motives for bursting back into his life after not seeing/talking to him for a year. Does she truly love him or does she see him as a meal ticket for a sweet life in America? His earns a six figure salary. Or maybe she was recently dumped by a boyfriend and my bf is a rebound? I realize all too well that this soap opera spells TROUBLE for me. But if by some slim chance he comes back to me and vows that the ex is finished forever, it's my decision whether to boot him out of my life or give him another chance. It's my choice to forgive him or not. I will reflect on this extremely carefully, if it happens, and make the best decision for my happiness and peace of mind.
I'm not the low self-esteem weakling many of you think I am.

[Tone]

Ohh... I... see...

Well - this is a decision he has to make... and I already expressed my thoughts on that.

[Vanilla Gilr]

wow...okay...this 43 year old woman knows when to shut up...

[carpflounder]

I don't think Carp was trying to be a jerkoff and I know I wasn't.

Margot, I gave you some advice...hoping that you would empower yourself... so did Vanilla Gilr...I guess that makes us "random jerkoffs" in Tone's book.

Since you seem to be building a rapport with Tone..... I guess its ok to get your advice from a familiar jerkoff.

Although, me to introduce myself:.....my name is carplfounder..you can now add me to your list of approved jerkoffs.

Now, if you'll excuse me I'm going to put on my white mittens and retreat to the closet to take care of some private stuff. hee hee

[Tone]

Bleh - I didn't mean to say either of you guys were jerkoffs. I read both your advice and thought you were both sincere, in your own ways.

I guess I meant to say "you can't listen to what any random jerkoff might say about you" since she made the comment of hating herself cause of what someone said.

Didn't mean to offend anyone.

[shh!]

Thanks Tone. What makes this so hugely important to me is that my bf is my first love. That's hard to believe for a 38 year old woman, but it's the truth. I'm very wary and suspicious of my bf's unstable behavior and his ex's motives for bursting back into his life after not seeing/talking to him for a year. Does she truly love him or does she see him as a meal ticket for a sweet life in America? His earns a six figure salary. Or maybe she was recently dumped by a boyfriend and my bf is a rebound? I realize all too well that this soap opera spells TROUBLE for me. But if by some slim chance he comes back to me and vows that the ex is finished forever, it's my decision whether to boot him out of my life or give him another chance. It's my choice to forgive him or not. I will reflect on this extremely carefully, if it happens, and make the best decision for my happiness and peace of mind.
I'm not the low self-esteem weakling many of you think I am.

Who cares what her motives are? Carp is 100% correct. If he is so easily distracted from you - even for a day - this doesn't say much for his level of devotion to you, and if you are 38, you should know that. And yes, I think your self esteem could use some improvement, which might begin with not allowing men to toy with you.

Sorry, but the truth can be painful. The good news is that you can use this experience as an opportunity for emotional growth (if you choose to).

[Vanilla Gilr]

Bleh - I didn't mean to say either of you guys were jerkoffs. I read both your advice and thought you were both sincere, in your own ways.

I guess I meant to say "you can't listen to what any random jerkoff might say about you" since she made the comment of hating herself cause of what someone said.

Didn't mean to offend anyone.

No worries Tone..it would take alot more than that to offend me...it's just frustrating when someone asks for help...and because you don't say what they want to hear...well...you know what I mean...anyway...this is one brick wall I'm done smashing my head against....

[whaywardj]

Mr. Willow here seems to bend with whichever way the wind is blowing. I wonder if he broke down in the converse direction when he later met his "fiance" after having been with you. I wonder if you're eager for him to reverse his decision to marry her so you can to kick him to the curb in your turn if he should.

[Lloyd95]

NOW I HATE MYSELF

Geez, she posts this and you all went soft! Spineless jellyfish-all of you!

[shh!]

Read again, Lloyd. We didn't ALL go soft...