Waves of distancing

[tyhol77]

Backstory:
10 years ago my girlfriend and I dated. We had an amazing time, I have no idea for how long but I remember adventures and parties we went to. I remember times alone and I remember the day I had to leave for the Navy. She cried and I did too. I came home after, gave her my dogs tags. Told her, "hold on to these, I'll be back for them" and I smiled at her. She cried again. After some time, real life just takes ahold of you and distance makes it so difficult her and I both decide to end it. We stayed friends the whole and I always told everyone "she's the one that I would always say I loved even until now".. and its true

Current Day:
4 months ago my girlfriend of 2 years breaks up with me and I got over it far to quickly for me to have stayed in that relationship that long. This isn't about that relationship so I won't get into details. Very shortly after I met back up with my dream girl from my past. She left her boyfriend of 2 1/2 years a week before my ex left me. We immediately hit it off and fell right back into the love we had before. Due to a living situation, she had to move in with me earlier than we'd like. A month and a half after we got back together she was living with me. I thought to myself who cares, its true love and meant to be a fairy tale come true. I consider myself a good man and good to her. I buy her flowers on average at least once a week. Always tell her what she means to me. Will do pretty much anything to make her happy. She deserves it. its been roughly 4 months now and I'm baffled. At least once a month (no coinciding with what yall think I would refer to about a woman) she grows distant. She gets depressed. She gets mean and says things I now know she doesn't mean but it took a little time to learn it. Well this emotional distancing seems to be just from me, her family she's happy and great with. Her other close friends make her laugh. But with me she says I love you, I can't wait for our future. But it falls flat. I don't believe her when she says it. She's passionate and during these times there's no more than a peck on the lips and a 3 second hug before she pulls away. The first time it happened I got insecure, I started thinking there was someone else. Started getting really insecure. Then she'd snap out of it and make me feel like a man and everything would be good. Great even. Then 2 to 3 weeks later it happens again. These distancing periods last for roughly 2 - 5 days and again NO its not what a typical guy would say about the once a month nonsense. I promise they aren't even related or at the same time. So I'm going on my third time and day 5 of the emotional distancing period. It's becoming unbearable. I want to fix it like a guy does, I want to know what's wrong, and each time its something like, "your so good to me sometimes I get scared and don't know how to handle it" or "I miss my family and back home (we live 45 minutes away from our homes)" and there's even been a time where there is simply no explanation. I don't know what to do. I don't know what's going on with her to cause this or something I have done. I did a TON of self reflection and I know I can be a handful myself. Until recently I was needy and insecure. Something clicked and I have no reason to be nor should I be. She's with me and loves me. She talks about our future. Then gets into a funk and says "this is why my relationships never work, I'm so complicated I don't know you just will never understand me" or something to that effect. I try and just when I think I get it its something else. I am self sufficient and I know with her or alone I am fine. But I want her in my life. I feel like she wants it too but just when she tells me "I'm getting so attached to you" she puts up this wall and goes into another recession.
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Thoughts?
Thank you for reading that book, I appreciate all constructive criticism and advice!

[melancholia]

It's not about you. It's something going on with her. Stop making it about you. Maybe she has some depression issues she needs to work through and has a difficult time articulating that when you constantly ask what you're doing that's wrong. Maybe she's nervous because you moved too quickly and she feels it's been rushed and has some anxiety about that. Maybe it has something to do with her break up, and she hasn't been able to fully process that yet because she started things up with you too quickly. When you move really fast from one relationship to another, you have no time to mourn the relationship or for self reflection. Those things are necessary to move forward in a healthy way. Maybe she notices some patterns in her own behavior that contributed to her problems in her previous relationship, and she is worried it will ruin yours.

Instead of worrying about what you are doing, ask her how she is feeling. Ask her how she's coping and what's going on in her life. Ask her, and then listen to her. Don't automatically try to fix it because you might not be able to. She will have to do some work on her own and fix her own problems, you are there to support and encourage her to do that, you're not there to fix them for her. You need to let her express herself about how she feels and what she is going through and then you can ask her how you can help. Ask her what she needs from you to make things easier for her, and pay attention to what she says. Listen to her needs and feelings, and go from there.