At a loss

[sxuedehead]

Hello! I have a boyfriend and we've been together for 5 months now. I love him very much and I'm always trying to do the most for him/us. He always tells me how much he loves me and how happy I make him but we don't really do anything anymore, our routine is slowly becoming this: he picks me up, we grab something to eat, I spend the night at his house, we wake up, he plays league of legends or he sleeps until 1 or 2, then he takes me home. He doesn't really take me out anymore. It's gotten to the point where he asks to split the bill most of the time or I'm paying the bill(which I don't mind sometimes but ALL the time?) He also asks me for gas money sometimes. I dont want everything to be about money in our relationship but I just moved out of my house and I'm trying to save as much as possible, meanwhile, he just got his credit card approved and has been spending like crazy on music gear and gaming equipment, he also spends a lot of money on weed, I even got him a $100 bong filled with his favorite chocolates for Valentine's day, and he couldn't even get me a single flower. I'm so sorry I'm just at a loss, I know he loves me but it just feels like he doesn't care at times.. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this. I just dont know what to do about this anymore, I love him so much. I want us to be happy, I want to be happy.. any advice will help me so much, thank you for taking time to hear me out.

[lovebroken]

Sounds like his weed use has got him in a rut or just not as connected to you, have you discussed his use of weed with him? Or that you feel you and him has staled out and that is mostly on his part of not trying to help things move along or progress? A relationship takes two, not one, you can't carry a relationship alone. Let him know you are not happy with how things have become, and if he takes no action, I'd move on if it was me. Because a year could go by and it will never get any better for you with him, only worsen.

[Hooo!]

David I don't just want to go out to dinner every other day or whatcha you play league.

I think my life is very boring when I'm with you.
I also notice that while I treat you to some things you simply don't care and invest.
I want some romance in my life. I want to be shown that I am loved. I want to be surprised and want to share some memories. I am not happy with our current relationship at all

[TheEvilJester]

To some degree, what you describe is good. It is good when two people get comfortable with each other. That doesn't have to be a bad thing. No matter who you are with, it isn't always going to be like it is when it is new. You aren't always going to go out all the time and be super romantic all the time.

However, that also doesn't mean it is okay just to get stuck in a rut. I mean, if you're both happy with your little rut, then fine. But, it is natural to sometimes want to be treated as special. So, it is okay for you to have a problem with the way things are right now. The thing is, he may not be this way due to lack of caring, he may just have gotten this way because he is comfortable with you now. Big difference between somebody who is neglectful and somebody who is just comfortable. So, try talking to him about it. I'd say, at least at first, you don't even need to make it that serious of a talk.

It can start as just something much more casual. Just a sort of "Hey, we don't go out anymore. I love that we are comfortable with each other now, but I'd still like to do something special now and then." Nothing wrong with that. If he doesn't take the hint, you can maybe have a more serious talk about it.... but honestly, that may not even be needed. So, way go right to that right off the bat?

I do think it is a little inexcusable for him not to get you ANYTHING for Valentine's Day. At least it is consider it sounds like he's not hurting for money. I mean, you said he's spent like crazy on stuff for himself. Nothing wrong with that if he has the money for it, but if he can do that, he can certainly spare some for something special for you as well. But, sometimes we guys are clueless putzes. Maybe he just messed up. Hopefully in the future now that you've set the example he'll see you do want to do something special for events like this. If he becomes a repeat offender, I could see and understand that being a deal breaker, but as a one time offense, maybe just give him the benefit of the doubt.

That's up to you, though, and what feels right for you. Good luck.