you need to sleep. Let your thoughts calm down just a little
let your emotions rest.
you cant think and cant be clear in a state like that
after you have calmed down ask yourself "As i describe it in rich detail: what future scenario do i want?"
If you think I am insulting you with my post or bashing you: You do not get the point.
I am not here to insult or bash anyone. I offer up my free time to help. Take from my post what is useful to you.
If you are angry about my post or myself, then please stop and think how that happened. Usually that is the way the brain responds if a critical belief system is challenged (its called cognitive dissonance). If you have trouble with it please answer in the thread. I will come back to you.