Need advice with best friend..

[Frank84]

Hey everyone, I have a dilemma and it's eating me up inside.

I have this best friend, she's in her early 30s and has 2 kids. I met her last summer and we hit it off great. At the time, she has in the middle of a divorce and not looking for a relationship, so we started out as friends. We would hang out a few times a week and text everyday. We'd play games with her kids, go to the park, play in the yard, etc etc. Things were great, I was really happy with her and her kids really enjoyed my company. Her and I started to get closer and closer over the course of 3 months. We began cuddling on the couch and watching movies, holding hands, she would text me how she missed me and wishes I was there with me, etc. I felt as though she was really into me. She eventually stopped talking to me for 6 months because she felt we got too close and she scared herself off.

Recently in january we reconnected. She appologized for what happened, said she got scared and wanted to be friends again. It's been a real joy having her back in my life. Its as if things were just back to normal. We still play games with her kids and her and I go out to eat at least once a week typically and still talk regularly. This time around though, I haven't been on the 'lovey dovey' side of things. I'm not trying to scare her off again or make her uncomfortable as I don't want to lose her again. She has a 'date' tomorrow night, dinner with another guy and it's really made me uncomfortable. On one hand, she's my best friend and is free to do what she wants right? On the other hand, I had secretely hoped that when she was ready to date again, that I would be given a real chance since there was always feelings in the past... I've been falling for this girl everyday more and more but I'm afraid to tell her in case she walks out of my life again...

Scared and unsure what to do, does this date with this other guy mean anything significant? Does she just not see me anymore? Lost and out of options, I just don't know what to do anymore.

[TheEvilJester]

I think the first thing you need to do is to do some thought/soul-searching of your own and decide A) what do you want out of this relationship and B) what would you be willing to accept? In other words, if you really want for you and her to be more than friends..... but you'd be okay if that isn't in the cards and you remain just friends.... then sure, just play it by ear and see how things go. Ask her out if it feels right, or decide just to remain friends if that feels right.

If you decide you want to be more than friends and you can't see being around her if it is just as friends.... then it would be in your best interest either to decide it doesn't seem like she'll want to be anything more than friends, so it is best for you to just move on.... or talk to her about what you want in hopes that she could be interested as well. What you should not do is just wait around hoping she will make the first move or anything like that. What you shouldn't do is (whether or not she is even intentionally doing this, or maybe doesn't realize she is) to let her lead you on and string you along. You should not let her keep dangling that carrot like maybe there could be something special between you two..... but then she just keeps dating other guys and only ever treating you like a friend.

Now, not being a mind-reader, I can't really say whether or not she does potentially want to date you, or whether or not she only sees you as a friend. All I can do is speculate/make an educated guess based on what you've shared. As much as I'd like to be more optimistic, based on the details you have shared, my personal gut instinct would be that she is only interested in you as a friend. She pulled away once before because of it. Now that she's come back and wants to be around you again... she's still dating other guys. So, this means obviously she must feel ready to date other guys..... yet she's not dating you at all, nor did she make any mention of doing so. She may not KNOW that is what you are after, but she obviously at least suspects it based on her reaction when she "wasn't ready to date." So, she could just be honest with you rather than leaving you in limbo to wonder.

So, I think my personal advice would be to talk to her about it. Make it clear what you want and go from there. If she's not interested in you as anything more than a friend, that is okay. It's not like she's obligated to feel anything more for you. ...What is NOT okay is if she keeps leading you on. So, don't let her. There shouldn't need to be any hard feelings if what you two want just doesn't match. But, that doesn't mean you have to just stick around if being around her only reminds you that you wanted more from the relationship, but know it will never happen. Good luck to you either way.

[Hooo!]

please read this
http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/99801-emotions.html
this is your exact problem
but describe from the girls point of view.

congratulations on making yourself a dickless gay friend.
If you would have seduced her and failed it would be one matter.
If you would have continued to seduce her so she knows where you stand it would be another matter.
if you are just there for her totally pretending to not be interested in her, then that is what she will pick up on.

If you pretend you have no sexual interest in a girl then how is the girl supposed to be seduced and attracted to you?
That is what you get from lying/pretending.

I have this thing i name "brutal honesty"
I tell everyone what I think. Sometimes i pay attention to how i say it, but generally i try not to hide or lie regarding my intentions or emotions.
I have done that and the result is usually shit for everyone involved.