Complicated story needs advise

[Samal]

Hi all,

My girlfriend (for 13 months) got the man she never knew she wished for, and we have grown closer and closer all the time. The is just that she has had a small doubt if this is for her and if she actually is the long term relationship type (eventhough she looks up to it and admires it). Secondly, she talked to someone three days ago who simply asked 'is this what your heart wants?'. Intellectually she says absolutely yes, but this make her try to follow this feeling for once.
Thirdly, she has birthday today, the party is tomorrow and I'm the one who helps her (I actually wanted to give her the best birthday possible). She made up her mind regarding the break up two days ago and asked if it could happen on Sunday. As I saw the potential of her changing her mind, I said ok. As I want her to feel that she misses me and to realize what she's about to do, I don't know if I should have said no rather than ok.
Lastly (this is the complicated bit), she has three young and pretty much fatherless siblings (6, 7 and 12) whom I have grown close to and they see me as a father role (they are obviously desperate for it). As they mean the world to her, should I keep seeing and loving them, and be 'the father role who remained with them', or should I make it a package that is 100% attached to our relationship? She doesn't get it when I say I feel it's unjust that she wants me to keep visiting her siblings while she just goes on and will eventually sleep with other guys and perhaps get a new boyfriend. I just can't cope with the thought of her having sex with another guy and that makes me retreat from staying in contact with her family (who desperately want me to stay in contact and to visit them).

So, to sum up my questions:
Should I keep seeing and loving her siblings and give them a stable father role? Is it more likely that she will see what a "stupid decision" she has made and come back, if I nurture her deepest concern (that her siblings get the best)?
Should I give her the best birthday I can? Or will this make it easier for her to break up and not want me back?
Should I wait until Sunday and be 'a boyfriend' to her, or should I say we can't go on like this until Sunday and end it today on her birthday as we will spend the day together?
I just us to carry on with the relationship, either now or after she has been alone for some time (1 month to 2 years?). How can I act the best in this regard?

Thanks for reading my long complicated story. Hope to get more clever and tackle it the wisest.

S

[TheEvilJester]

I have to be perfectly honest with you. If I were you, I'd be strongly considering just breaking it off with her immediately and, in my own mind, considering it 100% over. To me, if she has you and is so uncertain she really wants you... then that is her loss. Find yourself somebody who would never dare question that for a second because they see and value how awesome you are. So, she wants a break? That's fine. It's better she admits that rather than to keep leading you on..... but then she risks losing you.

I get, though, that this is not what you want to do. You want the end result to be that you two end up together. So, if it makes you feel happy, then give her some time. Just, do yourself a favor and have SOME kind of idea of a time frame in your own mind for how long is reasonable to wait. One month, sure, no problem. A few months.... MAYBE. Two years is absolutely not okay, so please do not get in your head that you'll wait for her for two years. But... just have some amount of time in your own head where you decide you'll give her the time she wants in hopes she'll see she made a mistake.... but if things don't improve after X amount of time you will consider it over and move on.

Your other questions are a little harder. I can't really tell you what you should do because it really IS a bit of a puzzling situation. I can tell you what I think I would do. As far as her birthday celebration.... If I were you I wouldn't do anything to derail it. I'd let her still have her celebration, heck if there were still things I needed to do to ready it I still would because I'm not going to ruin it for her....

BUT I would absolutely not wait a couple of days for the official break-up, nor would I feel any desire to celebrate with her. It's nothing malicious. It is not like my intention would be to hurt her. It's just, to pretend everything is okay for a few days just so she can have her birthday celebration would hurt me. It would make me feel used. So, I'd make sure she could still have her birthday celebration... but just without me.

What should you do? I guess you should do whatever makes you feel right.... but at the same time doesn't make you feel you are being used.

As for her family... again, I can't tell you what to do, but can offer what I'd do.

To me personally, it just would not make sense to keep in touch with her family if you two break up for good. Yeah, I understand that is kind of sad. I also think it is awesome that you don't want to leave the little kiddos without a father. The thing is, though, you aren't actually their father. It isn't even like, at least yet, that you two are close enough that they basically consider you their step dad. They may look up to you as a father figure.... but you aren't really their father in any way. Heck, for that matter, this isn't even her kids it is her brothers and/or sisters. So, you shouldn't have to be a father figure to them anyway, you should be more like a brotherly figure.... and even that only while you two are actually together.

If you two broke up for good, then eventually one would assume she'd date somebody else. If that ever became serious, then THAT person should really become their father figure/brother figure.... not some guy big sis used to date. You should move on and focus on finding somebody else, and eventually perhaps starting your own family.

Again, that is what I would so, but what should you do? And again, I think I'd lean towards saying you need to do what would feel right to you. This is maybe a little less of a gray area, though. Again, because it could really just be more confusing to the little ones if you were to stick around even though you and their sister is no longer with him. Of course, they will miss you at first, but they will be okay. They will move on, and eventually they will understand. Why would you do that to yourself? That would only remind you of pain that you need to let heal.

Good luck to you. I hope you find the true love you are wishing to find.... whether it turns out to be with her in the end or whether it winds up being with somebody else.