Need advice - I'm heartbroken

[jonnyboy12]

Hi all, this might be slightly long but I would really appreciate if people could read it.

So I met the most wonderful girl i have ever met in my entire life a year and a bit ago, we were a super fun, loving couple and shared many memories together, we spent so much time together, weekdays, weekends, Christmas we went on holiday, I put so much effort into everything I did for her, surprises for her, suggesting activities, taking her out, I treated her like a princess.

So in my past I've had people be very dishonest with me, break my trust and betray me, that also includes family. So I do have underlying trust issues. There has been a few times when we were dating I caught her messaging other people but I gave her a scare by saying I was going to stop dating her and she apologized and promised it would never happen again, so after 3 months of dating I asked her to be my girlfriend. First 7 months were amazing, of course we had little arguments over silly stuff, thats what couples do but maybe for the past 3 months its been different, in a whole year shes never posted a picture of me on her instagram, she has never booked a surprise meal or asked me if I want to do anything, I always ask her. Its like I put in 100 and get 35 back, but I still love her and overlook it because I love her. But all of these things havent helped with my insecurities.

So around 6 weeks ago, we fell out over something, I can't even remember what it was it was so irrelevant, she basically said she wanted time and space and felt like I dont trust her enough, at first i was like jesus what no way and I pestered her for 2 days, then I let her be for 2 and I text her asking to talk, we spoke and we made up. I said to her I would try not to be insecure but theres things she needs to do to help with that.

So 6 weeks went by, absolutely brilliant, felt like normal again, i was seeing my mates more she was going out it was like the start of our relationship again, I wasnt smothering her and we were living our own lives but also our lives together. But then on tuesday last week it all changed, she "forgot" she was going to a club with me and decided to go with her friend, I let it slide even though this isnt the first time she has done this. So I had asked what she had got to wear? (she normally sends me all the little dresses she buys and stuff) She told me oh i got a bralet and i was like alright nice, lets see? She refused to show me it....I was like eh why wont you show me it you normally show me everything? She was like I dont know you won't like it......so i said is it really revealing? "yeah a bit" she replies, I said haha I dont mind, but don't come moaning to me if your getting unwanted attention, she then got annoyed at me and stormed off out of my house. She said "I cant do this anymore, I gave you a chance to not be insecure and you blew it" I was so confused, I didnt say anything wrong....? So basically from Tuesday I was a bit of a pussy and all I did was bombard her with texts like come on this isnt how it should be etc etc. Then I heard that the night she went out she was getting with guys etc, when I first heard it I was drunk myself so I called her (stupidly) and had a go at her, regrettable decision as it made things worse, I just felt a bit betrayed that she had only just broken up with me and done this, turns out it wasnt true so of course I felt extremely bad and it really made me realise how insecure I am. I apologized to her and asked to meet her. She said no i cant meet you, im sorry, i asked her to just tell me she didnt love me anymore so I could take the pain and move on. She said "I do love you but I just cant see this ever working now, too much has happened" I again said I understood but it would be good to meet.

So monday night we met up, we went a long 2 hour walk, she was being quite flirty at the start holding my arm looking at me in that way, i let her explain everything she felt and I agreed that i have been insecure and I told her why, she held her hands up and admitted she hasnt done enough. As the chat went on I suggested like 30 days no contact? Then see how things are? She said I can't agree to that because I cant predict the future and I dont want to string you along, she said I love you and I care for you and I am not moving on or going near other boys but I just want to focus on myself, my career and my own happiness. She was upset and crying and said she feels horrible for hurting me. I got in my car, gave her a hug and she kissed me, 4 times on the lips like it was so weird like an "im sorry, im so confused" kiss. I shouted, "one day" and she looked back at me and walked into her house.

So now my dilemma, Im trying this no contact thing, I dont want her to think I dont love her anymore though? Like if i dont speak to her won't she just think I don't care? I want to do the no contact because it will give her the space she needs to remember how good we were, but right now I cant help but think of what she has been saying, "right now I cant see it ever being a thing again but i cant predict the future". Im totally heartbroken by this, I know I was insecure and it pushed her away but I loved her and gave her the absolute world, I just want her back in my life. I understand now how she feels and I will trust her more. Do I do no contact for 30 days and message her? Or do I message her in 2 weeks or something?

I can't just let go like I want to fight for this girl back, I would do anything for her back, we spoke about the future together so much and my body wont physically let me give up on this.

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What is confusing me is, I know nobody can predict the future BUT if you don't want to be with someone you don't want to be with them? Surely its as simple as that?

Its like she wants space but still wants it in the future, she hasnt deleted any pics on her twitter or any pics of things ive bought her/done for her. She also said she still has photos of us in her room, flowers I got her, still wears the things I bought her.....

[Hooo!]

its not you who have no trust
it is the other people who feel you do not trust them.

you are hurting yourself over what happened to you.
If you want to know where you stand then you communicate. Meaning you talk and then look at their response and reality check what was said.
If you believe yourself to have "trust issues" thats just another way of saying: i generally dont want to trust people who are near to me.
However if you dont, then being near to you is just not possible. Being near without trust is not being near.


And i dont think this is the whole issue.
To me it seems that you are also needy of attention. There may be other issues.
For example that you are indecisive.

this is another matter. If bros are with each other and you let your bros decide what to do - it means you are cool with whatever. They see it as tough.
If you do the same with a girl then you will be seen as indicivie, weak, unmanly and in general as if you dont care.
Same behaviour - very different viewpoints.
It gets even to the point where you "suggest" things that a woman may be like: "Why cant he just take me along"
Women in general want to be lead. So do it.
It gets even to the point where (sometimes and carefully) a man who is making a woman do things she didnt want in the first place is being seen as manly.
("omg he makes me do things for him i didnt want to do - he must be special")

this especially takes place in the bedroom. It is about the whole domination aspect - which you obviously lack.

A woman wants to be on an adventure. She doesnt want to be the adventure.