I met this girl online.......

[horse]

I met this girl online. She thinks exactly like me. She likes the same things. It is like she is the female version of me. And even some of our life conditions are the same. In the beginning We talked (just text, I haven't even seen this girl's pic yet) for a long time about various stuff. WE THINK exactly the same. After a few weeks (or months), I asked for a picture of her. Among all, She seemed very attractive. But the image was a very low quailty image. I asked for a clearer image and we got into an argment :'( . Within the period of a few days or a few weeks, things started to slow down. Chats became gradually slow. Eventually I tink I chased her too much. She stopped coming online for a long time (she used to come online whenever she can before), and when she did, she only replied to me in one word. Then asked some general questions like we just met. Eventually she stopped responding and then I became desperate and messaged her again and again. The replies were very short of any. what happened?

She did not even come online eventually, for a long time. I did not go online either as she is not interested and did not reply to me messages for a long time. maybe she will never.

this hit me so hard and I will not forget this. It was painful. We never had a relationship though. We were just friends. I can't forget this.

[TheEvilJester]

Well, firstly my advice, though it will hurt at first, is to let go and move on. Forget her. You shouldn't have to chase somebody down and basically force them to give you their time. Frankly, if she could go so hot and cold on you then maybe she didn't even deserve you in the first place. Believe me, I know how you feel. When you thought you saw something special in somebody, it can be hard to let go of that possibility. Even to the point where you are ignoring obvious signs that maybe they aren't the good person they pretend to be, but you are just blinded by your feelings.

Now, more specifically..... I will offer the possibility that this is somebody "catfishing" you. If you are not familiar with that term.... what it means is when somebody starts a relationship with another person strictly online and either never shows the person pictures of them, or uses fake pictures. In some way, they lie about who they really are in hopes of getting something out of you. It may be that they legitimately want love, but think they can trap somebody by pretending to be somebody else. It may be they never wanted love in the first place and were just using you for some other goal and move on if it doesn't seem to happen.

This seems like a distinct possibility in your particular case because she only sends you one blurry picture, and then throws a hissy fit when you ask for more. That, to me, would have me imagining I've probably actually been talking to some fat, hairy old guy who only has this one picture of some young attractive gal and he threw a fit when you asked for a better picture because he didn't have any further fake pictures of this fake person. I could be very wrong. Could be the picture was 100% her. I'm just saying, her reaction to a perfectly normal request was certainly inappropriate. So, that would seem like a big red flag to me that either she isn't who she says she is, or at the very least that she's not mature enough to deserve me (me being you in this situation) anyway.

Good luck to you.

[horse]

I am pretty sure that she is a real person. She could also have been scared to send a clear picture for safety reasons. We knew each other for a short time and after all, I am a stranger who met over the internet. The biggest problem was that I kind of got angry for her not sending me the clear pic (it was clear enough) immediately. She was very upset about it. she might have thought I am all for the looks or something.

[TheEvilJester]

I can understanding wanting to be careful online, but at some point if you like somebody and want to maybe pursue an actual real life relationship with them, they are going to have to know how you look. Not only that, but it's not like giving somebody your picture is like giving them your home address, social security number, bank account numbers, etc. I can understand not wanting to send your picture to a random stranger, but at this point you weren't random strangers you were two people possibly heading towards a relationship.

Now, you say you were kind of angry with her. So, maybe if you overreacted I could understand that upsetting her. You'd have to (if you want to) sort of clarify exactly what you did/said for me to better comment as to whether that could be part of what happened.

Still, I don't think it would really change my advice. Again, you shouldn't have to chase somebody down and basically force them to give you even the time of day. You say you've tried reaching out to her again and again and lately she doesn't respond at all or if she does it is very short. So, what that sounds like is she's lost interest but is too cowardly to just admit it so you can move on. I certainly COULD be wrong... but if she was still interested she certainly isn't doing a good job of showing it.

I mean, if you really do insist on still giving her a chance, I guess I would suggest one last ditch effort. That would be to say to her something like (but obviously putting this in your own words)...

"Listen, I thought we were really getting along well. I thought we seemed to have a lot in common and I was really interested in taking a chance to see if there was something there. If you still feel that way too, then let's talk. Let's meet up for a date. But, lately it isn't feeling like you are interested anymore and I can't tell if that is just me reading into something that isn't there. I'd like to go out some time, see where things go, but it is hard to do that with somebody who won't even talk to me. If you are still interested, then I'm here. Let's talk. If not, then no hard feelings, but I will have to move on."

Good luck to you either way.

[horse]

I can understand not wanting to send your picture to a random stranger, but at this point you weren't random strangers you were two people possibly heading towards a relationship.

Good luck to you either way.

I forgot to tell that it never started to become a relationship. Not even a hint of relationship was there yet. Too early. We did not knwo each other for very long at this time. Basically we were strangers. Did not even know each other's full names.

Now, you say you were kind of angry with her. So, maybe if you overreacted I could understand that upsetting her. You'd have to (if you want to) sort of clarify exactly what you did/said for me to better comment as to whether that could be part of what happened.

So, what that sounds like is she's lost interest but is too cowardly to just admit it so you can move on. I certainly COULD be wrong... but if she was still interested she certainly isn't doing a good job of showing it.

I calrified it to her. She told me it was mainly becasue I overreacted. . Maybe I calrified too much

So, what that sounds like is she's lost interest but is too cowardly to just admit it so you can move on. I certainly COULD be wrong... but if she was still interested she certainly isn't doing a good job of showing it.

Well..I kind of hope it is the latter.

I mean, if you really do insist on still giving her a chance, I guess I would suggest one last ditch effort. That would be to say to her something like (but obviously putting this in your own words)...

I wish I came here before so I could send a message like you mentioned. It would have really helped. Well...I did not say anything like you mentioned. I jsut stopped going there . Now it has been more than a month and I deactivated my account too. Although it hit me hard and still can't forget. Recently I got a message saying ym account was successfully deactivated, which I marked to be deactivated two months ago. So it has been two months since this happened.

But I gave her some information how she can find me on social media(when things were good) . Maybe she forgot my name? (no I do no know how to find her on social media. Not enough information ).

[TheEvilJester]

I forgot to tell that it never started to become a relationship. Not even a hint of relationship was there yet. Too early. We did not knwo each other for very long at this time. Basically we were strangers. Did not even know each other's full names.

Where online did you meet? Was it a dating site? Or, even if not that at least some kind of social site for people who want to meet up with other like-minded people? You say you two were talking for several weeks (possibly even months) before you asked for a picture. Were you talking regularly during that time, or was it just here and there? I think it is somewhat natural to want to put a face to the name when you've been talking to somebody for a little while. Hell, when I was younger I can remember making a lot of online friends, and when we've been friends for a little while we'd exchange pictures so we knew what each other looked like. It's not like that would be the absolute first thing we'd do, but once we'd been talking a while it seemed only natural to want to know more about the person, including how they look. And, by "a while" I'm not talking about years and years either.

So, I don't think asking for a picture of her after weeks or even months should have seemed all that strange. I think it is more strange if she's THAT shy about showing her picture. Again, maybe unless you two only talked very sparingly in that time so you really were just basically strangers.

I calrified it to her. She told me it was mainly becasue I overreacted. . Maybe I calrified too much

Well, again.... speaking of clarifying.... you'd maybe have to clarify a little more for exactly how you clarified for her. Interesting sentence I just created there. LOL! Please clarify your clarification. Again, you don't have to answer that if you'd rather not. It's just, unless you were rude about it, I don't see what's so offensive about asking for a clearer picture. Particularly if they one she sent wasn't very good quality. But, Hell, even if she was uncomfortable with it, she could have just said that rather than to flip out at you about it. So, again, unless you were being super pushy about it, or being super rude, it seems to me she vastly over-reacted.

I wish I came here before so I could send a message like you mentioned. It would have really helped. Well...I did not say anything like you mentioned. I jsut stopped going there . Now it has been more than a month and I deactivated my account too. Although it hit me hard and still can't forget. Recently I got a message saying ym account was successfully deactivated, which I marked to be deactivated two months ago. So it has been two months since this happened.

But I gave her some information how she can find me on social media(when things were good) . Maybe she forgot my name? (no I do no know how to find her on social media. Not enough information ).

If you already deleted your account, then why are you just now wondering about all this? Surely this implies you had made the decision to just forget her and move on. Why do you doubt that decision now? Why are you changing your mind? Honestly, again my personal advice would be to stick to your guns and just forget her and move on. Like I said, you shouldn't have to chase somebody down and basically feel like you have to force them to give you attention. If you have to do that, then frankly they are not worth your time anyway.

You've given her other ways to contact you. If she wanted to, she could utilize them. Apparently's she's not chose to do so. Her loss, not yours. Forget her. That is, at least, what I would do. Eventually you will find somebody who actually WILL want to be with you. You want have to chase them down and basically force them to give you a chance.

Though, again, if you really feel like it would make you feel best, you could always re-activate your account and try reaching out to her again. I mean, again, that's not necessarily what I would suggest given that you were reaching out to her only to feel mostly ignored. Why exactly would you think it would change now? But, you can always still give her that one last chance, maybe saying something like what I suggested, and see where it goes from there.

Either way, though, try not to let it get you too down. I know this can be hard to see when you are presently in a situation like this.... that it can be hard not to feel like you missed out on something that could have been great..... but the thing is if you two really could have had something great then she'd at least have actually give you that chance. The very fact that she couldn't even be bothered suggests that maybe it is better to just look elsewhere anyway. Also, you felt like you were hitting it off with her. But, believe me, it isn't like she's the only gal in the world you could possibly find who you feel is so similar to you. There IS somebody out there who could be your perfect match. In fact, there could be several people who could possibly be that perfect match for you. So, just because this gal maybe didn't turn out to be does NOT mean you lost a chance at something really special. It just means maybe she wasn't that something special after all.

Good luck to you. I wish you the best in whatever you decide on this.

[horse]

I have already made a decision to not to go behind her!

Where online did you meet? Was it a dating site? Or, even if not that at least some kind of social site for people who want to meet up with other like-minded people?

I have to tell you that I do not meet much girls in real life

It was far from a dating site. Talking happened maybe for about a month. It was whole day talking for a day or two. . But I can tell that she had a PRETTY strong interest in me before that photo thing happened. I have reasons to belive I became too clingy. My behavior was kind of rude. I think I said sorry for being rude several times. My behavior was kind of rude. First I insisted a lot on the photo. After that then I insist a lot on a clearer photo. When she delayed the clear photo, then I became kind of rude. I believe she was scared that I would recognize her in the real life (Please note it was only the face that was not much clear) , before She fully knows me. Some bad stuff had been on the news. She promised to send a clear one later if I remember correct. She kind of had a small paranoia. But it is understandable from the things that had happened around here.


Then I was waiting till she comes online, but she doesn't come as much as usualy. I messaged her even though she was not there (being needy). She replied in a few words. Then I did the same. then she did the same. I again did the same. Maybe she tought I lost interest too?
and I thought she lost interest too? Things faded away slowly. Eventually she did not come online much. I kept going online and it was hard for me to stop it!

If you already deleted your account, then why are you just now wondering about all this? Surely this implies you had made the decision to just forget her and move on. Why do you doubt that decision now? Why are you changing your mind?

I finally moved one. Becasue I got a mesage saying it has been deleted completey after this long.

Surely this implies you had made the decision to just forget her and move on. Why do you doubt that decision now? Why are you changing your mind?

It is not that easy.It was a forced decision. There was no option.

You've given her other ways to contact you. If she wanted to, she could utilize them. Apparently's she's not chose to do so.

Maybe she will, in the future?

Though, again, if you really feel like it would make you feel best, you could always re-activate your account and try reaching out to her again

She did not come online anymore. That is why I did not too and decided to deactivate the account. This is NOT a good idea.

Why exactly would you think it would change now?

It will be really hard to meet soemone this similar even for her.

Either way, though, try not to let it get you too down. I know this can be hard to see when you are presently in a situation like this.... that it can be hard not to feel like you missed out on something that could have been great..... but the thing is if you two really could have had something great then she'd at least have actually give you that chance. The very fact that she couldn't even be bothered suggests that maybe it is better to just look elsewhere anyway. Also, you felt like you were hitting it off with her. But, believe me, it isn't like she's the only gal in the world you could possibly find who you feel is so similar to you. There IS somebody out there who could be your perfect match. In fact, there could be several people who could possibly be that perfect match for you. So, just because this gal maybe didn't turn out to be does NOT mean you lost a chance at something really special. It just means maybe she wasn't that something special after all.

hmm...I do not know.

[TheEvilJester]

I have already made a decision to not to go behind her!

Well, that's good. Not everybody's into that, so that's not the kind of thing you want to do without at least asking fir....oh wait.... I may have interpreted that wrong.

I have to tell you that I do not meet much girls in real life

I feel your pain there. Especially at my age now. I've long since graduated high school, long since graduated college, and I'm not much for going out to clubs or to bars. So, these days, where the Hell do I meet women other than at work. ....But if you can help it, mixing work and dating isn't really the best.... so just where the Hell am I supposed to meet women? Kind of a moot point for me anyway since I'm doomed to be alone. But, at least if that is my fate, then I am determined to do whatever little I can, if even only in small ways, to help others not have to suffer the same fate.

Online can be a great place to meet women, but it does come with its own set of different problems from meeting them in person. To be honest, if it weren't for the fact that it doesn't really work for me either, I'd personally actually PREFER meeting somebody online first. Or at least getting to know them online first. I like that because you get to know a little about them first before you decide if you even want to meet them. In real life, you often sort of have to just ask somebody out and hope you hit it off. With online, at least you can chat it up first and get a better idea of whether they seem like possible relationship material, or maybe just friend material.

It was far from a dating site. Talking happened maybe for about a month. It was whole day talking for a day or two. . But I can tell that she had a PRETTY strong interest in me before that photo thing happened. I have reasons to belive I became too clingy. My behavior was kind of rude. I think I said sorry for being rude several times. My behavior was kind of rude. First I insisted a lot on the photo. After that then I insist a lot on a clearer photo. When she delayed the clear photo, then I became kind of rude. I believe she was scared that I would recognize her in the real life (Please note it was only the face that was not much clear) , before She fully knows me. Some bad stuff had been on the news. She promised to send a clear one later if I remember correct. She kind of had a small paranoia. But it is understandable from the things that had happened around here.

Okay. Then, you know, I can certainly understand if maybe you sort of pushed her away without that being your intention. It sounds like maybe you did get a little carried away with yourself and were maybe too clingy and/or pushy. That could certainly scare somebody away. I mean, she didn't exactly help when she was so reluctant to send a picture in the first place. Again, it's not like sending her picture means you can track her down, find her address, etc. But, maybe you, in your excitement, did get a little too pushy. I think the very fact that you can admit this is a great first step. Now you know you do that. I'm not going to say it is easy, but knowing at least helps you to begin to learn how to better deal with it.

Believe me, I most assuredly understand how you feel. I have never really had a lot of good people in my life. I've also spent most of my young adult to adult life wanting so badly to find love and yet feeling so hopeless to ever find it. So, I learned about myself pretty early on that I do this too. When I actually DO think I've found somebody good (as a friend or otherwise) or think I may have found somebody I wish to date... I drive myself crazy in this same way. I am SO sure they are going to eventually just leave me for little or no reason that I become obsessed and clingy. The sad truth is there is damn good reason I feel that way.... and it is because of my history of basically everybody doing that. Thing is, if you let it, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You get so worried everybody will leave you that you go into super clingy mode and eventually they can't handle that so they DO leave you.... even if otherwise maybe they would not have done that.

It can be very hard to do, but you need to step back and realize that if somebody is a good person, if they are worth your while, they aren't going to just up and leave you. So, for the good people in our lives, we don't HAVE to be clingy with them, because they'd be right there when we need them. If you are anything like me, you're never going to change this about yourself. I wish I could tell you otherwise, but this is the sort of thing that is deep-rooted in us. DO NOT misunderstand, though... That doesn't mean it is hopeless. The trick is not to expect that you can change this about yourself, the trick is to get a better understanding of it and of yourself.

Again, not easy, but it CAN be done. I've had to do it myself. When I meet somebody I like (as a friend or even more) I can't help that I still freak out internally. I still go crazy thinking they are this amazing person that I don't want to lose..... thinking they are probably just going to leave me at any time... all that fun crap. BUT.... I've learned to better understand when I am doing that. I allow myself to freak out.... TO MY OWN SELF. But.... to the person I balance myself out better. I engage my intellectual side and realize that if we are meant to be (as friends, as romantic partners, or whatever) then it will happen. That I do have to put in effort and do my part to make it happen, but I don't have to FORCE it to happen. Again, I'm not going to pretend that is easy. I wish I could say it was. But you CAN do it.




Lumping the rest into one final response:

I finally moved one. Becasue I got a mesage saying it has been deleted completey after this long.



It is not that easy.It was a forced decision. There was no option.



Maybe she will, in the future?




She did not come online anymore. That is why I did not too and decided to deactivate the account. This is NOT a good idea.



It will be really hard to meet soemone this similar even for her.




hmm...I do not know.

Maybe she'll reach out in the future, maybe she won't. To be honest, though, I think the right attitude you should have right now is "who cares if she does?" I know you aren't there yet, but you'll get there. In other words, you should move on. I know it is hard now, but in time you will. Forget her, move on, and look for love elsewhere. Soon enough you will get to the point where you won't care if you never hear from her again. If she actually does wind up reaching out to you down the road you can decide then if you still want to give her another chance. But, if that DOES happen, hopefully you've at least moved on enough so you can be more casual about it and not worry so much whether or not anything does happen between you two because by then you'll have seen that even if it doesn't you'll be fine anyway.

I have to say that I do think you made the right decision in de-activating your account. I think you should stick to that. I only suggested re-activating it as a possible last effort if you really did insist on trying to reach out to her once more. That isn't necessarily the advice I'd offer, but I understand sometimes people just have to do what feels right to them. It sounds like you aren't really leaning towards doing that anyway, though, and I think that is good. Stick to your guns and leave the account inactive.

Listen, don't get me wrong, I do not mean to trivialize how special it is to find somebody who you think could be "THE One." I don't mean to sound unromantic.... but the truth is we don't all have only one person who could be "THE One." There are a lot of people who could wind up being that for you, it is just a matter of who you happen to actually meet. In no way do I mean to belittle the amazing feeling when you do feel that you've found somebody great. I don't mean to imply that ISN'T special, because it certainly is very much so. I'm just saying, when you let yourself get too lost in the romantic idea of finding your one and only, you can let yourself get into exactly this trap where you get too fixated on any one person.

It will certainly NOT be as hard as you seem to feel to find somebody with whom you have so much in common. There are plenty of other people out there who will share a lot in common with you. For that matter, sometimes in a relationship, you don't actually HAVE to be almost like carbon copies of each other. You SHOULD have enough in common to where you can actually get along and have stuff to do/talk about together. BUT, you don't have to have EVERYTHING in common. Hell, it can actually be better if you don't. It is healthy for any relationship to also have interests outside of the relationship. If you have too much in common that can wind up being bad because it can possibly lead to one or both of you being TOO into the relationship to where it is basically your whole life. You need a life outside of the relationship as well.

Anyway, I'm throwing a lot of information at you, I know. I hope it helps even in some small way. Even if just to know you aren't alone. I know how you feel because I've gone through this sort of stuff myself. It isn't hopeless, friend. If you want to find love, you will. But, more importantly, though, do what can often be the hardest of all..... find love in yourself. The ultimate goal in life, what I'd wish for you more than anything, is to find happiness in yourself so that you don't NEED love to feel fulfilled..... but you still want it anyway.

One final thing.... as far as actually meeting people.... Have you considered maybe engaging in some social hobbies that might help you meet like-minded people? Go into that just for the sake of having fun (not with the goal being to meet women) and you never know who you will meet. If nothing else, learning to be more social with people in general can help you learn to be more social with women as well. Just as one example from my own personal experience.... a few years back I actually started a board gaming group near me. Frankly, usually my fellow male nerds are the only members we get. LOL! But, a woman does stop by from time to time. If I were so inclined, I could try to ask one out now and then. These days, I'm no longer so inclined, but that just gives you one example of a possible social hobby where you could maybe run into people with similar interests.

Good luck to you!

[pcmaster]

Man chatting with girls online is nice. But really a lot of hastle too when you want something real and not on the internet. Im starting to see more and more than best bet is to talk with girls in shops, cause some pretty chicks are there. Try talking with girls you see on the street and such. Might be better or luck or if not then at least real experience. Really best girls are not to be found online. Girls who got it good ussualy are found in real life.

[TheEvilJester]

I would actually agree with the suggestion of talking to women in public as well. I mean, I still think online CAN be a great place to meet people, but pc makes a good point as well. In fact, I'd even suggest trying out talking to women in public even when you aren't interested. In other words, just talking to them in a friendly manner, not with the intention of asking them out. Again, it is kind of like baby steps. Just like socializing more with people in general can help you to socialize more with women. If you practice talking to women just in a friendly manner, that is almost like testing the water a little before you go swimming.

If talking to women is something that makes you uncomfortable, sometimes you can take baby steps to get yourself more and more comfortable. Then, once you finally are comfortable asking women out, just remember that sometimes it may take a while to get fully comfortable with it. At first, it may feel weird/awkward, but in time it will become like second nature. Also remember that you may get a lot of no's. That will suck at first, but the more it happens the easier it will be to see it is no big deal and to keep trying. Eventually you will get the yes that makes all those no's worth it.

Good luck, friend!

[horse]

I would actually agree with the suggestion of talking to women in public as well. I mean, I still think online CAN be a great place to meet people, but pc makes a good point as well. In fact, I'd even suggest trying out talking to women in public even when you aren't interested. In other words, just talking to them in a friendly manner, not with the intention of asking them out. Again, it is kind of like baby steps. Just like socializing more with people in general can help you to socialize more with women. If you practice talking to women just in a friendly manner, that is almost like testing the water a little before you go swimming.

If talking to women is something that makes you uncomfortable, sometimes you can take baby steps to get yourself more and more comfortable. Then, once you finally are comfortable asking women out, just remember that sometimes it may take a while to get fully comfortable with it. At first, it may feel weird/awkward, but in time it will become like second nature. Also remember that you may get a lot of no's. That will suck at first, but the more it happens the easier it will be to see it is no big deal and to keep trying. Eventually you will get the yes that makes all those no's worth it.

Good luck, friend!

Thank bro.......!

[pcmaster]

I remember when I started to talk with girls in shops. I was nervous and didnt had anything good to say and was actually weird and akward as one girl later told me. But after few hours with talking to that girl I started to talk with multiple girls and it became easier, I just went in the shop and said - Hi, how are you doing? Or I didnt even said Hi, dont remember exactly it was 3 years ago. Anyway girls can sense confidence and when you feel good and have some skills with talking with strangers like you know them - its very easy actually. Start can be nerve wrecking but even that can be overcome when you dont have the choice but talk.