HELP!!! my love just dumped me for a new guy and theyre getting married in November

[struggling1234]

HELP!!! im 21 years old

my love just dumped me for a new guy and they're getting married in November

only girl ive had a relationship with ever, she was the one i was going to be with for life, have my babies with her, we had already picked names,,, so many memories and dreams all shattered

we had so many dreams, we didn't have sex because we waited for marriage and for our love to blossom, we loved each other so much
we were together for 6 years for 3 years it was long distance because she lived in another city, we're family friends which makes it worse because i still have to see every now and then and it hurts like hell.

for 3 years she moved to my city, we used to kiss pash, my erection used to rub on her tummy and i use to make here week at her knees. she was crazy about me....

all of sudden over the last 2 years she started giving me the shrug and started rejecting me for some reason

then this year in march she with a new guy and I hear they getting married at the end of the year

im empty, im depressed, I cant stop thinking about it, my heart is shattered, im broken, I feel scared of relationships now, I want her back, I keep trying, i feel like i wont be able to satisfy other women now, i feel so lost, anxious, my life is gray not colour left.

she was the most beautiful and perfect girl ever, how will i ever find another one like her, she was perfect....... i don't know what to do and i feel i wont be able to love ever again, its been 5 months since i found out and the pain isint going away. she still texts me and gives me mixed signals.

I wrote my full story but when I went to post it I had to log and I lost all of what I had wrote

i just don't know what to do please help im dying here....

[basilandthyme]

I'm so sorry that you've found yourself dumped. However, the fact that she was rejecting you for the last two years would have been a really big clue that it was coming.

How did the two of you try to address her distance from you?

[struggling1234]

I'm so sorry that you've found yourself dumped. However, the fact that she was rejecting you for the last two years would have been a really big clue that it was coming.

How did the two of you try to address her distance from you?

worst feeling in the world!!

yeah I do get the image that for the past year and half she slowly was just becoming more and more distant... she wasn't that same girl I had met when we first loved each other... im not sure...

to be honest I get the feeling that she wanted to get married but I kept telling her to wait because I was studying and wanted to properly get a job so that I would be able to look after her and feed our family... maybe like that old saying goes should have put a ring on it...

well to address the distance she did move to my city and we did spent time together, she loved me to bits.. but then she pulled away and whenever I tried to setup dates etc, she bailed, refused or just said id prefer to text...

maybe I pressured her to much in the type of girl that I wanted... maybe she felt pressured she wouldn't be able to live up to my expectations, I think she even maybe thought she wasn't good enough for but to be honest I felt that way about her to...

to be honest I knew in my conscious that this was coming for long... but I didn't want to accept it.. but when I found about her moving on with this new guy... I don't understand why im panicking so much, why I feel the way I do? I was in love with like crazy but maybe we did have differences, it didn't meen that I didn't want her, I still did and I told her that.

im not sure what went wrong where now I just feel like a loser even though before she moved on I was thinking to myself will she be good wife material even though I loved her immensely.

she was just so abusive towards the end of the relationship towards me, I don't understand if she didn't want me why didn't she end it before she moved onto someone else. that would have atleast been easier for me. those two years im sure she kept me hanging like a backup..


and now whenever we talk she tells me how this new guy feels her, how they do naughty stuff, like shes trying to rub it in because she knows how perfect I thought she was. shes being evil to me now, she doesn't care about how im dying inside right now!
and more so I know I shouldn't chase after her but I keep doing it everynow and then. ill be okay for a few weeks and then bam all that loneliness and trauma that my one chance of true love is gone! and I blew it!!

I try tell my self ill find someone better, someone who actually truly loves, someone who wouldn't betray me like this, I just don't know what to do!

I guess everyone goes through something like this in life, im just taking it as a good experience of learning, maybe I wont make the same mistakes next time

[TheEvilJester]

It can be hard to lose somebody when you thought you really had something. Especially when you've been together for a while. You say you two have been drifting apart for two years. Did she ever try to talk to you about what was wrong? Or did you? Two years is a long time to be with somebody when you no longer feel like you want to be with them. Is it possible there were issues with the relationship that you, or even both of you, ignored for too long?

Bottom line, though, it really doesn't matter. She cast you aside for some other guy, proving herself not to be such a good person after all. Not only that, but from your story, it sounds as though she has been rubbing it in your face. She sounds like a petty, immature child. So, I understand you are a little heart broken, but I think in time you will realize how you dodged a HUGE bullet here.

Your first step should be to cut ALL contact with her. Don't talk to her, don't text with her, no e-mail, no carrier pigeon, no monkey carrying a folded up note, nothing. As far as you should be concerned, she no longer exists.

Then, take some time to heal and re-learn to be happy just as you. During that time, examine the relationship. What went wrong? What did you do wrong? What did she do wrong? What did you both do wrong? You need to learn from the mistakes of the past or you could be doomed to just repeat them. Take that time and you will come out of it stronger than ever before, and ready to make the right choice in partner next time.

I know it can be hard to see now, but time will heal your wounds, friend. And, before you know it you will find a partner who will make you wonder why the Hell you ever stayed with this gal in the first place. Good luck to you.

[struggling1234]

It can be hard to lose somebody when you thought you really had something. Especially when you've been together for a while. You say you two have been drifting apart for two years. Did she ever try to talk to you about what was wrong? Or did you? Two years is a long time to be with somebody when you no longer feel like you want to be with them. Is it possible there were issues with the relationship that you, or even both of you, ignored for too long?

Bottom line, though, it really doesn't matter. She cast you aside for some other guy, proving herself not to be such a good person after all. Not only that, but from your story, it sounds as though she has been rubbing it in your face. She sounds like a petty, immature child. So, I understand you are a little heart broken, but I think in time you will realize how you dodged a HUGE bullet here.

Your first step should be to cut ALL contact with her. Don't talk to her, don't text with her, no e-mail, no carrier pigeon, no monkey carrying a folded up note, nothing. As far as you should be concerned, she no longer exists.

Then, take some time to heal and re-learn to be happy just as you. During that time, examine the relationship. What went wrong? What did you do wrong? What did she do wrong? What did you both do wrong? You need to learn from the mistakes of the past or you could be doomed to just repeat them. Take that time and you will come out of it stronger than ever before, and ready to make the right choice in partner next time.

I know it can be hard to see now, but time will heal your wounds, friend. And, before you know it you will find a partner who will make you wonder why the Hell you ever stayed with this gal in the first place. Good luck to you.

hey,

thanks for that it helps a lot.

to be honest I have cut contact with her. But what we did have was amazing. she was head over heals for me but I know there were some things that I did wrong and she didn't understand some things that mattered to me. I have thought long and hard about what we have and we both made mistakes.

I just wish I could go back and change that. maybe I took her for granted and she got fedup because im sure she wanted to marry me. And when she started to fade away I didn't work hard enough to stick In there and get her back because at the time I didn't realise.

on a sidenote though, when I do stop texting her she always texts me back after a few weeks acting all nice. she still sends me mixed signals and says things like "i don't understand there was never "us", it annoys me I don't understand" and she says weird things that make me think that she still has feelings for me. I love her like crazy which she knows and I would love to have her back. but obviously im not holding onto hope because I she has this new guy. I don't even know how she just ditched me and is planning on marrying someother guy in November

whenever she texts me now I just say if she doesn't want to be serious with me then there's nothing to talk about. I love her I adore her but im not going to be her bitch or her buddy. I want to be her MAN her friend and her lover. and if shes not up to giving the special relationship and chemistry we had another chance then Im outta here.

it hurts like hell saying this to her... but id rather say that then do what I initially did which was beg lol and that NEVER works.
I don't know but im sure she still has feelings for me deep down but I don't know..... and know she has pressure from her parents to marry this new guy as well....

life can be so complicated cant it

oh well, its all I test from god, maybe he's making me a better person through this experience.

[basilandthyme]

whenever she texts me now I just say if she doesn't want to be serious with me then there's nothing to talk about. I love her I adore her but im not going to be her bitch or her buddy. I want to be her MAN her friend and her lover. and if shes not up to giving the special relationship and chemistry we had another chance then Im outta here.

Excellent approach. It's really sucky to have this breakup but at least you're not allowing yourself to be downgraded

[TheEvilJester]

I think all of us can understand what you mean when you say you wish you could go back and change things now. Hindsight is always 20/20, as they say. We've all been there, not realizing our mistakes until it is too late, wishing we could go back to change them.

The truth, though, is we learn best from our mistakes. The unfortunate truth is that sometimes the benefit of that learning comes a little too late for a particular situation..... BUT, it is important to remember that it just means you'll have to take those lessons with you into the next situation. In this case, maybe there were things you could have done better. Though, I would venture to guess there were things she could have done better as well. Heck, just in handling the end of the relationship, there was a lot she could have done better.

I often think things happen for a reason. I don't know if I'd go so far as to say everything happens for a reason, but I do think that it is most often true. In this case, I think the important fact is that she could spend two years drifting away from you without bothering to do something about it.... and not only that but then dump you for some other guy like you never meant anything to her in the first place. Granted, you were present for those two years and could have done something to fix the problem as well, but that doesn't excuse her for not trying. So, to me, the reason this happened to you was because maybe she never really was who you thought, or at least not anymore. I think you dodged a bullet here and were not meant to be with her.

I think we all know how hard that can be to realize when you are still hung up on somebody. The important thing you need to remember is this.... how could any decent human being do something like this to you? The answer is they couldn't. No DECENT human being would treat somebody like this. So, that, I think, is all you need to know. The fact that you still sort of wish things could be different is, I think, a good thing. It shows the experience did not break you. So, learn from it. Grow from it. Just remember that you should now take these lessons into a new relationship and find yourself somebody who will want to put their full heart into your relationship. Every relationship takes work from time to time. They are never easy 100% of the time. That doesn't mean they necessarily need to end.

Good luck to you. I hope you find somebody very soon who will make you realize why it is a good thing you are not with this girl anymore.

[struggling1234]

Excellent approach. It's really sucky to have this breakup but at least you're not allowing yourself to be downgraded

I know its a excellent approach, because nothing else I would say can bring her back, or start that fire in here heart and mind about me like I used to in the old days...

its either me or the new guy!!! im showing to her that I don't need her but inside im dying.... im trying so hard not to be downgraded but some days are just soo much more harder then the others..

in two days time they're going to be visiting my homes with her family, how should I act around her? im sure her family knows about it all but my family doesn't....

- - - Updated - - -

I think all of us can understand what you mean when you say you wish you could go back and change things now. Hindsight is always 20/20, as they say. We've all been there, not realizing our mistakes until it is too late, wishing we could go back to change them.

The truth, though, is we learn best from our mistakes. The unfortunate truth is that sometimes the benefit of that learning comes a little too late for a particular situation..... BUT, it is important to remember that it just means you'll have to take those lessons with you into the next situation. In this case, maybe there were things you could have done better. Though, I would venture to guess there were things she could have done better as well. Heck, just in handling the end of the relationship, there was a lot she could have done better.

I often think things happen for a reason. I don't know if I'd go so far as to say everything happens for a reason, but I do think that it is most often true. In this case, I think the important fact is that she could spend two years drifting away from you without bothering to do something about it.... and not only that but then dump you for some other guy like you never meant anything to her in the first place. Granted, you were present for those two years and could have done something to fix the problem as well, but that doesn't excuse her for not trying. So, to me, the reason this happened to you was because maybe she never really was who you thought, or at least not anymore. I think you dodged a bullet here and were not meant to be with her.

I think we all know how hard that can be to realize when you are still hung up on somebody. The important thing you need to remember is this.... how could any decent human being do something like this to you? The answer is they couldn't. No DECENT human being would treat somebody like this. So, that, I think, is all you need to know. The fact that you still sort of wish things could be different is, I think, a good thing. It shows the experience did not break you. So, learn from it. Grow from it. Just remember that you should now take these lessons into a new relationship and find yourself somebody who will want to put their full heart into your relationship. Every relationship takes work from time to time. They are never easy 100% of the time. That doesn't mean they necessarily need to end.

Good luck to you. I hope you find somebody very soon who will make you realize why it is a good thing you are not with this girl anymore.

Hi,

thanks again for your thoughtful response, it means so much to me.

yeah there's many things you wish you could change, or think you could have done differently, why didn't I do this when I had the chance? why didnt I do that for her? why didn't I randomly surprise her at work?I get all these random thoughts now.

I know how people say there are plenty of fish in the sea or that time will heal... but is it really true.. will I actually ever get over this? will I?

why does no other girl in the world look beautiful to me anymore? whenever I look at girls now I just compare them to her and I don't get that same excitement or fun or happiness.... all I imagine is that other guy doing her every night while ill be all alone stuck in mind torture!! and what makes me cringe is that she's actually going to enjoy it... after all she said to me about how we were made for each other, all the promises she made me... she must be pure evil... shes no way decent....always toying with my heart and mind... I don't know.....

maybe like you say ive dodged a huge bullet here, maybe we would have divorced later on in life and she would have taken all my kids away from me... maybe being dumped now is easier then what may have happened if we did get together.... but is still hurts like hell..

the main thing that scares me is will I find someone as beautiful as her? and if I do will she give me that same happiness? will I be able to fall that much In love again? how will I find someone new?? because I failed at this relationship makes me more nervous going into a new one?

in a few days her family is coming over to visit, how should I act around her? her family knows about me and her but my family doesn't.... part of me says to talk to her just act cool be confident and the other part says just stay quite and don't talk much. and do not look at her otherwise ill burn inside because she's going be looking so good...

[basilandthyme]

I'm confused - you say that your family doesn't know about you. Do you mean that they didn't know you were dating her - or that they don't know you broke up?

Why don't your parents know what is going on? And does this have any relation to her ending things?

At any rate, just make an excuse to go out when her family are coming over.

[TheEvilJester]

A little bit confused myself. Do you two still live together? If you do still live together, my first recommendation is to change that as soon as possible. She is toxic to you right now, and you need to get away from her. As far as her and her family coming for a visit, I absolutely agree with basil. There is no reason whatsoever that you should be hanging out with her family, and certainly not her either. Nobody who knows the situation should hold that against you (not her or her family) and if they do, they are a bad person and don't matter anyway.

Now, as to your questions...

Believe me, I know it can be hard to see now, but in time you will get over her. In time, the pain will fade. In time you WILL fall in love again. Eventually, you will find somebody who will make you wonder if you were freaking insane for putting up with somebody like your ex for so long. You will meet a gal who will treat you so well and appreciate you so much that you will wonder how the Hell you could have ever loved somebody capable of such a reprehensible act.

Why is it you feel like you can't currently look at other women? Because right now you are still hurting. To some degree, you are still idealizing your relationship. The important thing you need to take to heart is that, in reality, you are NOT missing her. What you are missing is the person you thought she was. You are missing the way it made you feel when you thought you were loved. As it would turn out, in her case it was a lie. So, imagine how much better it will be when you find the real thing.

It will take time, but trust me, you will be okay. Don't give up. Don't rush yourself, but don't give up either. Take time to re-learn how to be happy just as you and to remember that you are awesome and anybody would be lucky to have you. Don't lose the opportunity to learn and grow, of course. Never hurts to learn from your mistakes and improve yourself as a person. What it sounds like is more important in your case is for you to learn to better identify warning signs when somebody may not truly be the person they claim.

Good luck to you. I hope you find that girl very soon who will make you forget all of this and realize that your ex didn't even know the meaning of the world love.