How long without a text is a flag

[twooddtrees]

OK. Been seeing this gal for a month. She was really into me. She left for a week to take her daughter to see the father (they where never married) and will be spending everyday, and staying with his family. I assume he will be in the same house. It is at his parent's home and he is coming from out of state. Now this is 2 time zones away. So it has been 24 hours without a text as of now. Not normal. I am not pinging her, just waiting. So when do I say "screw it", and move on? If she doesn't text until she comes back I definitely feel I can say goodbye, that was uncalled for.
NO I am not freaking, I am kind of hoping she is fading away. I am a bit afraid of starting something, but that is a topic for another thread. :-)

[melancholia]

Then don't text her; just wait for her not to text you back, block her number, and move on. What advice are you even looking for anyway?

[twooddtrees]

I am looking to hear how long is it to reasonably assume that she is pulling a "fade away".

[TheEvilJester]

Well,

Do you want to continue a relationship with her, or do you want to end it anyway? If you want to end it anyway, who really cares if she is pulling a fade away? I say, when you know she is back, try to meet with her for the intention of breaking it off. I mean, unless it really hasn't become all that serious, then you can maybe just have the conversation as a phone call, I suppose.

On the other hand, if you want to continue the relationship.....

Given the situation I wouldn't necessarily say a day or two automatically means she is trying to pull the fade away. If you don't hear from her after a couple days (assuming you do hope to continue the relationship) then just text her yourself just to say his and ask how she's doing. If she ignores that, then maybe you consider it over, move on, and look for somebody else. If you two were more serious at this point (calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend, considering yourselves exclusive, etc.) then maybe that would be different and she should be reaching out more. Given the situation, though, I think it is reasonable if you haven't heard from her right away. Though I would say she should talk to you at some point during the week, I wouldn't even necessarily assume she's pulling the fade away if you didn't. If she returns and yet you still don't hear from her, then I'd consider that possible.

Like I said, though, if you really just aren't feeling this is the right match for you, then just end it regardless. The "fade away" is childish and immature. Don't do that to her, and if she is attempting to do that to you, then you deserve better anyway. Good luck to you either way.

[twooddtrees]

She just texted and wondered why she hadnt heard from me. So....
I have to now deal with me fear issue.

Thank you!

[basilandthyme]

OK. Been seeing this gal for a month. She was really into me. She left for a week to take her daughter to see the father (they where never married) and will be spending everyday, and staying with his family. I assume he will be in the same house. It is at his parent's home and he is coming from out of state. Now this is 2 time zones away. So it has been 24 hours without a text as of now. Not normal. I am not pinging her, just waiting. So when do I say "screw it", and move on? If she doesn't text until she comes back I definitely feel I can say goodbye, that was uncalled for.
NO I am not freaking, I am kind of hoping she is fading away. I am a bit afraid of starting something, but that is a topic for another thread. :-)

Glad she has contacted you. And glad she's not playing the 'refuse to contact' games which you are - otherwise the whole relationship would fall in a heap.

The rule of texting is "don't ever give up because one text hasn't arrived". Texts can and do go missing in cyberspace. Or someone may miss an incoming text and not know that a response is expected. It would be shameful to give up on a person simply because you haven't received a text you were hoping for.

[twooddtrees]

Glad she has contacted you. And glad she's not playing the 'refuse to contact' games which you are - otherwise the whole relationship would fall in a heap.

The rule of texting is "don't ever give up because one text hasn't arrived". Texts can and do go missing in cyberspace. Or someone may miss an incoming text and not know that a response is expected. It would be shameful to give up on a person simply because you haven't received a text you were hoping for.

Yep. Thank you for taking the time to assist!

[lightstar]

get over your fear. You only live once. You get out of a relationship what you put in so give it your best and hope it works out.

what are you afraid of anyway? that it wont work out? You will get over it if it doesn't

[TheEvilJester]

Well, there you go. You had yourself worried over nothing. Though, honestly, I can't see why she would text you asking why she hadn't heard from you when it isn't as though she had reached out before either. I mean, there's no set rule saying who should have reached out to whom first, so as you could just as easily have texted her earlier, she too could have texted you.

But, she did now, so obviously she is not pulling the fade away. I get that there is part of you that was almost hoping she was so you wouldn't have to deal with your other fears around getting closer to somebody. Thing is, you should never let your fears keep you from living the life you want/deserve to live. If you just give in to your fears, how can you ever expect to get past that and have a meaningful relationship? Easier said than done, I know, but it will be worth it in the end.

You didn't go into much detail as to what your fears are in that regard, and you don't have to if you do not wish to share. However, the only way to get past them is to try. There are no guarantees in life. You could try and wind up getting hurt just as you fear, but sometimes the best way to get over a fear is to actually survive the worst case scenario. Not sure if that is your specific fear (or one of them) as it relates to relationships. If it is and, God forbid, you DO wind up getting hurt in a relationship after all, it will at least show you that it sucks, but it is sometimes part of life and is something you can survive. Then, you will be even more equipped to find the right person the next time and hopefully it won't happen again.

Good luck to you. Hopefully you don't have to learn that the hard way anyway.