I don't know what to do

[Outwitted]

my husband is over emotional and I can’t seem to say the right thing that will keep him from leaving me. And he is always comparing me to his ex. I love him, but what he is doing is making me upset and tearing my self esteem down. What am I to do? There are good and bad but he can’t expect it to always be good all the time. He is very prideful and like bragging and showing off what he have. He is ashame of me because i am not a shinny type person that he can show off and make everyone admire him. I think i am a good wife. I keep his cloth clean, cook him meal and makesure he get to work on time. And moment ago, he just told me that he want me to agree with everthing he said. I can't do that when he don't listen to what i have to say. Help me, please.

[King Zarathu]

Slap the living piss out of him.

[Gigabitch]

Slap the living piss out of him.

Start with that, and then haul his ass into marriage counseling. You'll be amazed how much he can suddenly hear what you're saying when he's sitting in front of someone who is watching him do it.

[vashti]

The way you describe him makes him sound awful. Why do you want to keep him? Have you got kids or something?

[TAVS]

Where are you from?

[thinker]

Yeah... he really sounds like a jerk...

Counselling is a good idea... just dangerous, and seeing as he is over emotional, it might be a bit too much...

Hon, what I want to get across is that if something does happen between you two, it really and truly does not seem to have anything to do with you. There are just some people out there (women are included in this) that are just jerks... self-centered and arrogant and unrealistic, which sounds like your husband. You should not need to make him look good when you go out or anything like that. He is lucky to have a woman's love and a good cook at that! Is your relationship at the point where you can discuss this openly? Just the fact that you are worried that you may say something that will scare him away? Frankly it doesn't sound like it; if you feel intervention by a counsellor or therapist sort is in order, than best of luck with that. Just please don't take any of this out on yourself. You sound like a wonderful wife and person!

[Outwitted]

Well, I am from Thailand, now living in North Carolina with my husband.

My husband is not as bad as he sound to be. He is really nice and caring but but when he has those emotional break downs... We are fine as long as he don’t have any of his emotional breaks down. I don't know what is causing it. I though that it was me but if I logically analyze it... It can't be me. I have never done anything to hurt him emotionally painfully. I have never thought about anyone else but him.

I just don’t know what to do when he have one of his emotional melt down. It‘s not easy. I wish I can slap the living piss out of him, but I can’t.

We both grew up differently. I was bond to tradition and he is wild and free. We are an interracial couple and it's hard trying to explain why i can't do this or that.

I think that therapy might help but at the moment we are on a budget. Money is our other problem.

I don’t understand when he has those emotional breakdowns, he always thinks of his ex and what other people said to him and tearing me apart, always telling me that he is unsure about his feeling for me, but after talking to him for and few hours he seems to be back in his normal self and is loving and care as ever and telling me that he loves me. I don’t understand how he can be so much of a two face like that. I often wonder if he thinks about me when he sleeps at night.


thanks you all for trying to help.

[thinker]

Hmm... honestly sounds like something mental... could he be mildly bipolar? These "break downs" are not normal... sure everyone loses it maybe once in a while, but it sounds like this is chronic... which is not good for anyone. I would never spend money to go see a quack I was talking about some community counselling groups... not sure where to find them, but I'm sure they meet around local places and what not and it might be a great thing to just get out there and see that other people have the same issues and just talk to other people... I dunno...

What I do know is that you are doing the best you can! You really sound like a wonderful wife, so please don't let any of this come back to you being the cause; you are not. Noone deserves to be compared to their loved ones' exes... and he has no place doing so. I think the two of you need to face this thing head on... I know money is tight, but a short doctors visit (psychiatric) would be in order I would say; talk to someone who has dedicated their life to dealing with these sorts of issues and who will know how to act when they happen and will know what causes them and will help you in so many other ways... that's what I say Otherwise, please don't beat yourself up over this Keep trucking!

[vashti]

Why don't you tell him to read and post in this thread? We can give him a verbal slapping for you!

Anyway, you mention you have money issues - I think some people simply do not handle stress with dignity. Are you guys fairly young? Maybe he just needs to grow up.

[Cybog]

This is why people should never get married until they have dated for about 2-3 years, and lived together for at least 1-2 before the engagement. I'm sure this fella was hot shit for about a year or so before you guys got engaged. Why do you think that 1/2 marriages end in divorce in our contry...?

You guys obviously got married much too fast, or else he wouldn't still be hung up on his ex-wife. You also obviously had no budget planned for your married life. Maybe it's time to start thinking about your relationship as a whole, and asking yourself if you are in it for yourself, or for him.

There is one person to please in a relationship - YOURSELF. If you are miserable or aren't 100% happy with the person you are with, you need to start asking yourself, "Why?"

[TDurden]

There is one person to please in a relationship - YOURSELF. If you are miserable or aren't 100% happy with the person you are with, you need to start asking yourself, "Why?"[/QUOTE]

thats pretty shitty advice to be giving someone. that they should always be 100% happy in a relationship otherwise theres a problem and that they should only think of themselves. c'mon now.

[Outwitted]

I don’t think that dating someone for 2-3 year and living together for at least 1-2 year will help the couple stay together if they don’t want to. And no, I will never marry anyone because they look good. It’s more than look. Why do I think half of the country ends up in divorce? Well, because they feel that if they are not happy being with that person then there is no reason to be married. Because of this, "“If you are miserable or aren't 100% happy with the person you are with, you need to start asking yourself, "Why?"”

Being in a relationship isn’t about being please or being 100% happy. No couple is 100% happy. Marriage is about compromise and communication and understanding. Most marriage fails because no one wants to understand the other. I want to understand him and I want him to understand me. I want good communication. I’m in this relationship because I want to be. And I want to seek out ways to make this relationship stay strong and lasting. I am not going to give up just because I am unhappy. I want to seek out the problem and fix it because I value this relationship and I love him.

[thinker]

I don’t think that dating someone for 2-3 year and living together for at least 1-2 year will help the couple stay together if they don’t want to. And no, I will never marry anyone because they look good. It’s more than look. Why do I think half of the country ends up in divorce? Well, because they feel that if they are not happy being with that person then there is no reason to be married. Because of this, "“If you are miserable or aren't 100% happy with the person you are with, you need to start asking yourself, "Why?"”

Being in a relationship isn’t about being please or being 100% happy. No couple is 100% happy. Marriage is about compromise and communication and understanding. Most marriage fails because no one wants to understand the other. I want to understand him and I want him to understand me. I want good communication. I’m in this relationship because I want to be. And I want to seek out ways to make this relationship stay strong and lasting. I am not going to give up just because I am unhappy. I want to seek out the problem and fix it because I value this relationship and I love him.

You are a very wise woman

You are completely right on so many points... the divorce rate is out of hand for lots of these reasons; and marriage is not exactly fairy tale bliss... its a life long project that is like a second job you don't get paid for

All I can say about your situation is that YOU are doing everything and more that you can. You are going above and beyond your call as a wife and friend to this man, and if there is justice in the world things will work out for you two. Just keep loving him and there is nothing you can regret.

[Outwitted]

Thanks you thinker.

[Cybog]

haha, that sounds exactly like the fairy tale you want to hear. Did you come here for advice, or for someone to pat you on the back?