Please Help: How to get to know her?

[michelangelo]

Hi,
so there's very attractive girl (she's about 23-25) that I'm interested in. She works at a coffee shop. I go to that place quite often so I think she just started there.

When I first saw her there I think she noticed me as well - I was sitting at a table with some people, so that girl goes to clean the table next to us and I saw that she was looking at me a few times.
The second time I saw her (about 2 days later) I just got my coffee and I didn't really talk to her (just sort of took a good look at her).

The third time I saw her (about a week later) I was by myself, as I was getting my coffee I started talking to her (as I found out she's from japan and she's just working here for now.. i didn't bother asking the details), she seemed pretty sweet.

So here's the problem, I want to get to know her better and maybe ask her out later. How would I do that? I don't want to give her an impression of a stalker (or caffeine abuser for that matter ).
Plus, I go to that coffee shop often and people there know me (not personally, but we always exchange greetings and have a random small talk).
Also, when I was talking to the girl, one of the women who works there (of course she's seen me there a lot) understood that I was trying to get to know the girl and was staring at me the whole time. So it's getting kind of weird. Also, there's always a lineup at that place, so I can't really just stand there and chat away with the girl. So I don't know how to get to know her better. I want to take her out for lunch or something. How do I get to that point though?

Thanks a lot everyone.
M

[LostNotFound]

well ask her if she wants a coffee..

[TheSphinx]

I want to get to know her better and maybe ask her out later. How would I do that?

Try something relaxed and brief at a nearby location. There are restaurants, bars and sportsbars within walking distance of the coffee shops in my area.

Meeting up for a quick lunch or drink after work is a small time obligation for her and will give you both a chance to talk outside of the "lineup."

~Sphinx

[michelangelo]

great idea.. but how do i actually ask her out? do i ask for her number first? Because I don't know how she's going to react if I ask her to come out with me, since she doesn't really know me at all..

[Gigabitch]

Heh. Usually we'd tell you to ask her out for a casual coffee date, but I'll bet she's quite caffeinated enough by the end of her shift.

One of my friends recently started to pursue a girl at a coffeeshop. He had to start going in when business was slower so he could talk to her more. I think he started out by asking about the music they were playing and used it as an excuse to mention that he had no girlfriend.

Pretty smooth, I thought.

Anyway, try to go in there when there isn't a line out the door.

[GrkScorp]

Hi,
so there's very attractive girl (she's about 23-25) that I'm interested in. She works at a coffee shop. I go to that place quite often so I think she just started there.

Well, this worked for a (9) at Starbucks..

Her: Welcome to Starbucks may I take you order?
You: Do you guys have coffee?
Her: :smiles: Yeah :laughs: we have coffee, what kind would you like?
You: I'm not really a big coffee drinker, what's the smallest size you have?
Her: Tall
You: O.K. let me get a coffee in that size, but I refuse to call it that.
Her: :smiles: O.K. :laughs: I don't know why they call it that :laughs: what kind of coffee would you like?
You: Oh god, choices.. I guess i'll try a frappuccino..
Her: What kind of frappuccino?
You: There's only one kind of frappuccino..
Her: What flavor? :laughs:
You: :open your eyes wide like you're shocked at all the choices: Surprise me! :smile, leave money down, and go to wait for coffee:

(your coffee is being made, you walk back to her)

You: You know, I never bothered to ask you.. :pause: .. what did you order for me?
Her: It's a surprise! :simles, laughs, hand coffee:
You: :look around, drink coffee, stop drinking, look at her: Interesting, what is it?
Her: Blah belgian-blah-ochiato-blah-creme'-blah
You: Out of 109851 different flavors, why .. :pause: .. whatever you said?
Her: It's my favorite, I get it all the time.
You: I'm actually a fan of the more simple stuff.. I like to actually be able to pronounce and order my coffee, fancy-shamncy people scare me, we're not friends anymore.
Her: :laughs, smiles:
You: Thanks
Her: :laughs, smiles: You're welcome.

(show up the next day; thankfully she worked there the next day, and luckily I have friends who've worked at startbucks, so I know what time break is..)

Her: :smiles: Hey! Same as yesterday? :laughs:
You: No, today i'm being British, I think i'll settle for some Tea, my teeth are starting to hate me.
Her: Aww why? :laughs: Your teeth are almost perfectly white for someone who drinks coffee :laughs:
You: well, I don't settle for "almost", so what kind of fancy tea do you have?
Her: I think you'll like the Camomile-Mint :smiles:
You: If you say so, an other favorite of yours? A bit selfish don't you think? Why's it always about you? What about what I like? :playfully, to clearly indicate it was a joke:
Her: :smiles, laughs: No, I actually hate Camomile :laughs: I don't know why, but I like other tea.
You: You hate Camomile? Oh, we'd never get along then. Camomile is a childhood favorite, never tried it with mint though, we'll see. :walk away to get tea:
Her: :laughs: Don't hate me, it's not like I make the flavors you know :laughs:

(sit down, get comfy, place quiets down and she's about to take a break)..

You: Let me get 2 (the name of the coffee she told you the other day)
Her: :really big smile: Wow! what's with the fancy order? :playfully:
You: What's with the Camomile-Mint? :smile as if you're making fun of the camomile:
Her: :laughs: Yeah, I know, I told you so :laughs:
You: Thanks :walk to get order:
You: :walk back and leave one cup in front of her, look at her as you're drinking, raise your cup in a "cheers-like" motion as if to imply a thanks: I think you'll like it :as you say it, smile, start to walk away and look away, back to your table & seat:
Her: :smiles: Thanks
Her: :walks up to your table: Is anyone sitting here?
You: My imaginary friend, but I think that's because of all the caffine..
Her: :laughs: I'm actually on break right now..

(and the rest is history.. you just have to come off as in control, non-needy, not pushy, not attention-seeking, and not creepy.. forget how attractive she is, ignore it, it doesn't matter, it really doesn't, you're not asking her out right there and then, so why on earth are you letting it get in the way and make you nervous? all you're doing is transitioning from starting a conversation "very smoothly with coffee-girls" into holding that conversation and have her come up to you.. you don't want to be chasing, you want her to come to you.. so review this approach, observe how it's not creepy, pushy, needy, etc.. but at the same time, allows her to feel some interest in someone who's not there to hit on her, he's just a funny, fun, guy.. so it provides her with that initial motive to be comfortable talking to you [you don't want to come off and turn into that guy who likes her, keeps bothering her, and is constantly looking for her attention!].. once you get her to sit down and talk to you, it's all you..)

Best of Luck!

[BrotherCanada]

damn dude that story was awesome, those are some nifty things to try out, lovin it man

[michelangelo]

Thank you everyone. Especially GrkScorp, that was an awesome post! I think it helped!

So I talked to her and got her contact yesterday (Monday, the 7th) and she asked for mine as well. So it went well.

When I talk to her again, should I right away ask her to go out on a date (should I even mention the word "date"?) or sort of talk to her a few times before asking to go anywhere? I'm afraid to scare her off or to appear needy, but at the same time I don't want to wait for too long or she might lose interest. Who do you guys think?

Thank a bunch!
M

[Gigabitch]

Tell her you want to "take her out". Make sure she doesn't think it's a friends-only thing, take some initiative, have a plan and a backup plan as well before you call her.

[Only-virgins]

Well, this worked for a (9) at Starbucks..

Her: Welcome to Starbucks may I take you order?
You: Do you guys have coffee?
Her: :smiles: Yeah :laughs: we have coffee, what kind would you like?
You: I'm not really a big coffee drinker, what's the smallest size you have?
Her: Tall
You: O.K. let me get a coffee in that size, but I refuse to call it that.
Her: :smiles: O.K. :laughs: I don't know why they call it that :laughs: what kind of coffee would you like?
You: Oh god, choices.. I guess i'll try a frappuccino..
Her: What kind of frappuccino?
You: There's only one kind of frappuccino..
Her: What flavor? :laughs:
You: :open your eyes wide like you're shocked at all the choices: Surprise me! :smile, leave money down, and go to wait for coffee:

(your coffee is being made, you walk back to her)

You: You know, I never bothered to ask you.. :pause: .. what did you order for me?
Her: It's a surprise! :simles, laughs, hand coffee:
You: :look around, drink coffee, stop drinking, look at her: Interesting, what is it?
Her: Blah belgian-blah-ochiato-blah-creme'-blah
You: Out of 109851 different flavors, why .. :pause: .. whatever you said?
Her: It's my favorite, I get it all the time.
You: I'm actually a fan of the more simple stuff.. I like to actually be able to pronounce and order my coffee, fancy-shamncy people scare me, we're not friends anymore.
Her: :laughs, smiles:
You: Thanks
Her: :laughs, smiles: You're welcome.

(show up the next day; thankfully she worked there the next day, and luckily I have friends who've worked at startbucks, so I know what time break is..)

Her: :smiles: Hey! Same as yesterday? :laughs:
You: No, today i'm being British, I think i'll settle for some Tea, my teeth are starting to hate me.
Her: Aww why? :laughs: Your teeth are almost perfectly white for someone who drinks coffee :laughs:
You: well, I don't settle for "almost", so what kind of fancy tea do you have?
Her: I think you'll like the Camomile-Mint :smiles:
You: If you say so, an other favorite of yours? A bit selfish don't you think? Why's it always about you? What about what I like? :playfully, to clearly indicate it was a joke:
Her: :smiles, laughs: No, I actually hate Camomile :laughs: I don't know why, but I like other tea.
You: You hate Camomile? Oh, we'd never get along then. Camomile is a childhood favorite, never tried it with mint though, we'll see. :walk away to get tea:
Her: :laughs: Don't hate me, it's not like I make the flavors you know :laughs:

(sit down, get comfy, place quiets down and she's about to take a break)..

You: Let me get 2 (the name of the coffee she told you the other day)
Her: :really big smile: Wow! what's with the fancy order? :playfully:
You: What's with the Camomile-Mint? :smile as if you're making fun of the camomile:
Her: :laughs: Yeah, I know, I told you so :laughs:
You: Thanks :walk to get order:
You: :walk back and leave one cup in front of her, look at her as you're drinking, raise your cup in a "cheers-like" motion as if to imply a thanks: I think you'll like it :as you say it, smile, start to walk away and look away, back to your table & seat:
Her: :smiles: Thanks
Her: :walks up to your table: Is anyone sitting here?
You: My imaginary friend, but I think that's because of all the caffine..
Her: :laughs: I'm actually on break right now..

(and the rest is history.. you just have to come off as in control, non-needy, not pushy, not attention-seeking, and not creepy.. forget how attractive she is, ignore it, it doesn't matter, it really doesn't, you're not asking her out right there and then, so why on earth are you letting it get in the way and make you nervous? all you're doing is transitioning from starting a conversation "very smoothly with coffee-girls" into holding that conversation and have her come up to you.. you don't want to be chasing, you want her to come to you.. so review this approach, observe how it's not creepy, pushy, needy, etc.. but at the same time, allows her to feel some interest in someone who's not there to hit on her, he's just a funny, fun, guy.. so it provides her with that initial motive to be comfortable talking to you [you don't want to come off and turn into that guy who likes her, keeps bothering her, and is constantly looking for her attention!].. once you get her to sit down and talk to you, it's all you..)

Best of Luck!

That is a great story you have there, I don't see how that could help considering that is assuming on her part what she would say. You get some nifty responses from women though. I would get something along the lines of "STFU kid and pick a coffee"...or just an odd look and blank stare.

[michelangelo]

could you elaborate more on how you make sure that she doesn't think it's a friends-only thing.

If I were her it would be pretty obvious to me that i'm interested in her and don't want to just be friends, plus when we were talking i said that she has a very cute smile. I mean, if THAT's not obvious to her then i don't know....

[Gigabitch]

Use words like "take you out" instead of "let's hang out". Pick her up, don't just meet her there. Pay for everything.

[BrotherCanada]

gigabitch you jsut gave me another post idea

[Only-virgins]

Pay for everything.

Didn't see that coming

[Gigabitch]

Didn't see that coming

On a first date? Hell, yes!