On a "break".....

[Steven M.]

I am 21 and she will be in November. I've known her for over a year now through college, and on June 28th will be 1 year since our first actual date although we only went out a few times at that time before we parted ways because neither of us were ready for a relationship. I always knew there was something special about her though. Despite being around other girls, she was always on my mind, and for 8 months we were reasonably distant despite long talks every now and then.

Anyway, about 3 months ago, on March 22nd we went out again and things went extremely well. A week ago though I was alittle frustrated at the lack of communication between us about some certain things, so when we went out next I planned to talk to her. When we did go out, she was just in an awful mood, seemingly not at all happy. So we went and talked till five in the morning in my car. I told her my thoughts and she seemed to respond reasonably well and things got better, she opened up to me more and told me some very deep things, and even cried, which I never thought I would see her do. But the outcome invariably was that she wanted to take a break, because she knew she was taking me for granted and thought that a break would make us stronger.

I personally don't think it will.

What are some of your own experiences with breaks? I don't expect anything good to come of it, how long it'll last or anything. Ohh btw, she is my first girlfriend. All I know of breaks is an episode of Friends

So some advice would be interesting to hear, thanks.

[Cain]

In my opinion, a break is the start of the end of the relationship. Unless she really didn't want a break... but it seems like she does. Some people go on breaks to do things they can't do while in a relationship so they can have a clear conscience.

[Junket]

You're smart 'cause you already know where this is going.

I know you don't want to hear that, though.

[JarrodHalsey]

Co-Sign. If she wants to break up with you, she should at least have the balls to tell you out right. Tell her you don't want a break, either you are together or not. If her response is still one of indecision, tell her you won't be made to wait and end it yourself.

Regardless of what a person is going through, its just rude to have someone else waiting for you to tell them what you want from them.

[Steven M.]

If she wants to break up with you, she should at least have the balls to tell you out right. Tell her you don't want a break, either you are together or not. If her response is still one of indecision, tell her you won't be made to wait.

That is pretty much exactly what I told her, just without the breaking up part. She just kept telling me how she thought it would make us stronger. I didn't want to break up with her, because I do love her, and she is the only girl I wanna be with. I am pretty certain of the doom in this break, and pretty vengeful, so if there was someone else I was interested in, I would probably go for it. Atleast then if I made her jealous I could see what kind of reaction she would have. But there is just no one else right now.

She even wanted me to call her while we are on break (it has been 5 days now), but I told her no, because I've done everything to do, it is her time to figure out what she wants and to call me and tell me.

I asked her if there was someone else, she said no and I don't think there is....just cause.

I was frustrated with her initially because she just never really told me that she missed me, or called me. She hasn't told me that she loves me, I have. Thats fine, but its not comforting when accompanied with "I just want to have fun". I want a real relationship and I told her that. She treats me great and we seem to be in a real relationship when we are together, but when we are not together it just seems so-so and she doesn't care to express her "like" atleast towards me. Its confusing and frustrating and I won't be around for that, so that is why I mostly talked to her anyway.

[JarrodHalsey]

Most people still don't understand that loving someone doesn't mean you should be with them. There's nothing to be confused about. "Silence speaks volumes." If she's not trying to contact you when you are apart, it means that someone else is getting that attention. You don't need her to admit it to know that. Dead her. It'll hurt, but you'll feel liberated in time. Now you're just a slave to her whims and your own emotions.

[naoki322]

Breaks is the beginning to the end.

[Steven M.]

Most people still don't understand that loving someone doesn't mean you should be with them. There's nothing to be confused about. "Silence speaks volumes." If she's not trying to contact you when you are apart, it means that someone else is getting that attention. You don't need her to admit it to know that. Dead her. It'll hurt, but you'll feel liberated in time. Now you're just a slave to her whims and your own emotions.

Yeah, you're right mate. I guess when she doesn't call me by the end of this weekend I'll call her and tell her that I'm done.

[Junket]

Yeah, you're right mate. I guess when she doesn't call me by the end of this weekend I'll call her and tell her that I'm done.

Don't let that be a last ditch effort to get her to come around again, if you're going to set a limit for yourself, make sure you stick to it, otherwise you'll never know when to stop.

Even if she cries or whatever, just hang up the damn phone. She ain't your girlfriend no more, she can cry all she damn well pleases.

[Steven M.]

Don't let that be a last ditch effort to get her to come around again, if you're going to set a limit for yourself, make sure you stick to it, otherwise you'll never know when to stop.

Even if she cries or whatever, just hang up the damn phone. She ain't your girlfriend no more, she can cry all she damn well pleases.

I am pretty sure she won't resist it, for obvious reasons and if she does I'll just remind her it was her that didn't call, it was her that lead me to feeling this way. I told her I wouldn't wait forever and I'd say two weekends is enough.

I see she was on myspace yesterday aswell and did not bother to do anything, so I am quite irritated.

I always wanna make sure that I've done my end of the bargain. I don't want to lose her unnecessarily. I don't want to break up with her and think that there might have been something there. That is why it would be hard to be cut and dry, dumping her no matter what. But I don't think it'll go that way. Her lack of contact has quickly become infuriating.

[Junket]

Her lack of contact has quickly become infuriating.

I've over!

...

Bitch!

-hang up-


See? The best of both worlds.

[Steven M.]

I've over!

...

Bitch!

-hang up-


See? The best of both worlds.

Mildly amusing, but not what I feel towards her

[jez625]

Taking a break can be a blessing. You only have to be careful that she does not meet someone else. I believe that even if you take a temporary break you have to occasionally show her that you think about her and that she is an important part of your life.

Everything else would be like ignoring each other.

[zoso]

3 months and the "L" word has already appeared? That doesn't seem a bit too fast? Maybe she wants to kind of "cool things down." Or perhaps she wants to take a break to get a handle on the situation, and think things through.

Realistically, I don't see how a break would make you two stronger. It's just digging yourself a deeper hole IMO. I would suggest talking to her, asking her if you two could get back together, but have her kind of set the pace of the relationship. She wants to have fun, and you want to get really serious. Can you find some middle ground there?

And what did she mean by "taking you for granted"? Odd statement, that.

[Cain]

Breaks aren't the absolute end to relationships. I know that most of the time breaks are just a way for the relationship to end, but not always. Sometimes they really are needed. I know this from experience.

Nearly a year ago, my current gf and I went on our first break. She was going through emotional issues and she didn't think she was ready for a relationship. We had only been officially together for about a month and I figured it was the end. It happened two more times in a two month span after that... so three times in three months of getting back together and then another break. The last time I thought it was over and done. I was ready to move on.

In October, she came back... telling me that it was a mistake... that she was just scared.... wasn't used to feeling this way about anyone and she was trying to convince herself she didn't need me. We got back together on October 9 and things have been simply amazing since. It's been almost nine months since we got back together and we haven't had any problems.

Normally I look at breaks as the beginning of the end. I look at them as ways for one person to do things they wouldn't do in a relationship so that they have a clean conscience. But it's not always the case. Sometimes breaks really do need to happen to strengthen the relationship. Just know whether or not it's worth working and fighting for. If she's worth it... then be ready to make it work. If it's not and you suspect that she's messing around, end it.