Ex at Work Today

[Aeradalia]

My ex came to my work today... or rather he was working with the same client I was, so we both had a legitimate reason for being there... and an equally legitimate reason for being unable to leave all day.

Every time I was alone... he'd corner me and talk about how sorry he was, how he wants me back... etc... Numerous attempts throughout the day. I kept trying to remind him that we are both at work and need to remain professional... not the place for personal matters.

He asked me to look into my heart and see if there was one 'shred' of love left for him. I responded quickly, "No, I'm sorry... Will you let me get back to work now?"

Finally he left me alone until about an hour before I had to leave... once more the same questions... by then I had enough... I snapped at him and said some hurtful things to him, but I had enough.

I usually try to be nice to people but with this scenario all I could see was the selfishness in his pleading... the selfishness in his not respecting me enough to leave me alone... and the selfishness in his wanting me back (i.e. "I'm in pain without you..."). For once I had to be selfish... and I wanted him to leave me alone... did not want to feel the stress/guilt that he had always placed on me throughout our marriage... and I longed for the caring affections of my bf - he'd always try to build me up, not tear me down.

I felt like I was being attacked by a vulture and I wasn't even dead yet! Eventually the day finally ended and when I got back to my dispatcher I asked to be assigned to a different client... may be fewer hours, but it's worth the peace of mind...

It's been months... why do ex's do this? Why bother me now?

[Indignant]

too many reasons. it's only human to want something back. it's like throwing your favourite toy in a moment of frustration and then realizing that you can't have it back.

[Dasein]

Dalia I think it is usually three reasons;

One: Relates to possession and as Indignant said wanting something you can't have.

Two: They don't realise how good they had it. You know that saying "You don't know what you've got til it's gone."

Three: Retrospect makes them remember the past with rose coloured glasses. They can only remember the great things about a previous relationship.

[Lite]

I would report the incident to HR so that it goes on record that you have asked him not to discuss items of a non-work nature to you.

[Indignant]

I would report the incident to HR so that it goes on record that you have asked him not to discuss items of a non-work nature to you.

Great advice Lite! He should learn to respect your privacy! He didn't care much about hurting you, so you should have no guilt about reporting him.

[Lite]

Great advice Lite! He should learn to respect your privacy! He didn't care much about hurting you, so you should have no guilt about reporting him.

Dammit, don't agree with me! People might think there's a conspiracy! Cats and dogs living together. Mass hysteria! It's the end of the word!

[Gribble]

Before reporting him I think you should clearly state that it will be your next step if he does not comply with your wishes. Give the guy a chance.

[Indignant]

Before reporting him I think you should clearly state that it will be your next step if he does not comply with your wishes. Give the guy a chance.

NOOOOOOO! HE NEVER GAVE HER A CHANCE WHEN SHE BEGGED TO LEAVE HER ALONE!!!

[damn2008]

I think you did the right thing but I have a question out of curiousity...and please think about it and answer honestly.

If he had sat there working quietly the whole time and ignoring you (except regarding business questions)...would you have brought up your past relationship questions with him?

[starbuck]

I say kudos to you for telling him off. He was totally overstepping boundaries.

It's probably better not to even worry about why he wants you back. It's over now and you don't owe him any time in your thoughts.

[carl1222]

I would report the incident to HR so that it goes on record that you have asked him not to discuss items of a non-work nature to you.

Lite's advice here is not only good, it's essential. I would expand it though to say to HR that "he has made romantic advances that I have clearly and unconditionally rejected, but he is persisting and I want him told to stop."

I don't like to give legal advice here and I won't ... but saying that is necessary to put your employer on notice that action is necessary. Why should you have to compromise your work because of him??

Carl.

[Aeradalia]

If he had sat there working quietly the whole time and ignoring you (except regarding business questions)...would you have brought up your past relationship questions with him?

In past relationships I've been placed in similar circumstances... so in all honesty, I would've been professional - only talking to him if it was work-related. I can be very unemotional if necessary.

I'm actually quite ashamed that I lost my temper a bit... lately I have been very 'emotional' and trying my best to regain some of that control over myself that I miss terribly.

[1averagejoe]

Lite's advice here is not only good, it's essential. I would expand it though to say to HR that "he has made romantic advances that I have clearly and unconditionally rejected, but he is persisting and I want him told to stop."

I don't like to give legal advice here and I won't ... but saying that is necessary to put your employer on notice that action is necessary. Why should you have to compromise your work because of him??

Carl.

Definitely. You're going to get less hours because of him. He can get in serious trouble if he doesn't stop leaving you alone and/or the company doesn't do anything about it. Take it to HR and if they're smart they'll be sure to clear things up. They don't want to be liable for anything that may happen between you and your ex if it become a legal matter.

Even if it's not a big deal now get it on record in the event that it does become a bigger problem later.

[Aeradalia]

I don't like to give legal advice here and I won't ... but saying that is necessary to put your employer on notice that action is necessary. Why should you have to compromise your work because of him??

Carl.

I am currently looking for another job... as this one does not treat its employees very well anyway. If I were to have reported him (and I have tried reporting some other things I have noticed in the past) then it would've fallen on deaf ears. Yes, I'm sure there are ways to fight all of this... do the 'right thing' etc... but at the moment I am too weary for any such a battle. It's after the holidays and I have noticed some job openings in other related occupations. Besides having a new job will cut away one more tie my ex has to me... and in the coming months without my bf... I cannot see this as being a bad thing.

All I know to do is cut all ties to my ex... set up a routine that would help me to avoid temptation... and try to talk to my bf frequently and on a regular basis. I understand the importance of nurturing our relationship... especially with him being gone. A new job actually sounds very appealing to me right now... the newness of it could be a welcomed diversion... all things considered.

[carl1222]

I am currently looking for another job... as this one does not treat its employees very well anyway. If I were to have reported him (and I have tried reporting some other things I have noticed in the past) then it would've fallen on deaf ears. Yes, I'm sure there are ways to fight all of this... do the 'right thing' etc... but at the moment I am too weary for any such a battle. It's after the holidays and I have noticed some job openings in other related occupations. Besides having a new job will cut away one more tie my ex has to me... and in the coming months without my bf... I cannot see this as being a bad thing.

All I know to do is cut all ties to my ex... set up a routine that would help me to avoid temptation... and try to talk to my bf frequently and on a regular basis. I understand the importance of nurturing our relationship... especially with him being gone. A new job actually sounds very appealing to me right now... the newness of it could be a welcomed diversion... all things considered.

Ahhh ... a flaw of lawyers is often to be ready and eager to fight injustice ... I suppose that is what makes us so good at it, Aeradalia.

But you are right ... pick your battles selectively.

Good luck on your new job if you get it.

Carl.